BOOK NOOK: Boleyn Traitor by Philippa Gregory

 'She has a pretty face,' I say simply. 'But it's not a false face. And he's seen nothing but false faces and painted smiles for all his life. D'you think he wants an honest woman now? Does any man want an honest woman as his wife? Don't you all prefer liars?'

I have just finished reading Boleyn Traitor by Philippa Gregory and I feel quite moved by it. I have read all of Gregory's Tudor Court and Cousins War novels and I love how immersive they are. The writing is so rich and full of tiny little details about daily life in the Tudor court, that you feel as if you are a part of that world.  This novel is just as strong, throwing you into the story in the midst of Anne Boleyn's fateful marriage to King Henry VIII and leading you through the fates of his next three successive wives. 

I have no liking for Henry VIII. He was a terrible abuser of women, even by the standards of his own time. He was a despotic, misogynistic individual who ruled on a whim and was prone to childish tantrums. Like many overindulged spoilt brats, he only got worse as time went on, keeping his wives in a perpetual state of anxiety, insecurity, panic and fear for their lives. There is no doubt that he was a highly abusive husband who treated all of his wives appallingly, lining up the next wife before he'd even dispatched the previous one! Disgusting man! He was a real-life Bluebeard, murdering wives and quickly seeking out another, by way of replacement.

In this novel however, we follow the story of a woman who oversaw the Queen's Rooms throughout these tumultuous events. Jane Boleyn was Anne Boleyn's sister-in-law, wife to George Boleyn, and the women who managed to keep her head when they did not.  Indeed, Jane is a staple of the Queen's Rooms, keeping everything running smoothly despite the upheaval of having to welcome one wife after another. She is the Chief Lady in Waiting to the Queen - any queen, whoever the king's itch of the moment happens to be. Her allegiance is to the Crown, to herself and her patron, Thomas Cromwell. In short, Jane is a spy, using her place among the queen's ladies to glean information and pass it back to Lord Cromwell.

As such she is a rather duplicitous character and while I wouldn't say that I liked her, I did find myself having some empathy for her, especially towards the end.  You know you are reading a great author when you dislike a character but still find yourself sympathising with them. It is one of the signifiers of excellent writing. 

As first one queen and then another falls and is dispatched, Jane is on hand to usher in the new queen and to serve her as a friend and advisor. The problem is that Jane is a false friend and a bad advisor, her judgement being skewed by her own personal ambition. She is clever, but perhaps not quite as clever as she thinks she is. There is more than a touch of hubris about her and she is prideful because she is very book-learned and she can speak Latin and Greek with the powerful men of court.  Jane convinces herself that while the queens might be disposable, she is indispensable.  

I found this novel to be very chilling in places. There are scenes that depict the smooth running of the court, the Queen's Rooms especially, which go on in the same routine, regardless of who is the current queen, regardless of the current religion which oscillates between Catholicism and Protestantism and back again. Nothing else ever changes here, except the woman who wears the crown and her position is always precarious. There is no mourning when one queen is disposed of and another comes in to take her place.  There is no change in the routine, no change in the wardrobe - the new queen is expected to wear the jewels and attire of all the former queens with a smile of gratitude on her face. I'm surprised they even changed the bed sheets! Its all so cold, so cruel and unfeeling, like Henry himself is. There is an undercurrent of fear and distrust throughout the book, for how can a man who so easily switches from one wife to the next ever be trusted? He can't. His word is false, his temper is short and his love is only for himself. Sadly there are still men like that around today, who seem just as quick to trade in one wife for another.

Jane has to try and navigate all this, while passing information back to her mentor, Cromwell, and keeping herself as safe as possible in the treacherously unsafe world that is King Henry's court.  Jane Boleyn has been much maligned throughout history, often depicted as the original nosy Parker (her maiden name) and shown to be vindictive and vengeful. In Boleyn Traitor however, she is treated with far more sympathy than she is in say, Emily Purdy's The Tudor Wife, which holds fast to the propaganda of Jane as a spiteful, spurned wife. This is what I love about Philippa Gregory's work - she does her research thoroughly enough to be able to turn such propaganda on its head, presenting historical women in a more nuanced and multi-dimensional way, and while I did enjoy Purdy's novel, I prefer this one and the Jane Boleyn that Gregory portrays. Both novels are cracking reads, particularly if you enjoy Tudor court fiction.

I especially liked the way in which the court masques are used as a metaphor for the duplicity of the community and of the king. In Henry's court, everyone must wear a mask in order to survive and his love of play-acting and mumming is legendary. Gregory uses this historical detail as a plot device to great effect. There is also the significance of May Day and what it meant within Henry's court - the contrast between the seasonal merry-making and the betrayals that were playing out in the midst of all the revelry is truly shocking, as well-loved companions of the king ride away smiling, only to discover that favour has turned against them. This is masterful storytelling and I will never see May Day in quite the same way again!

As the novel progresses the tension increases and I had a growing sense of dread as I turned the pages. Even though I already knew how Jane's story ended, it didn't soften the blow when her luck eventually runs out. Of course her luck would run out - she was a woman, after all, and Henry really didn't like women. Her fate was in part self-inflicted, but I do believe that she would have suffered either way, by virtue of her being a women in the court of a misogynist king, as all the queens that she served suffered before her. It is impossible not to be moved by her story as she tried her best to survive in impossibly dangerous circumstances. 

Boleyn Traitor is a fantastic historical novel and it has kept me gripped late into the night. And just look at that cover! It is both beautiful and horrific - just as King Henry's court would have been. Enjoy the intrigues of this spectacular novel - and whatever you do, don't let your mask slip - you never know who might be watching...

Serene Blessings

Marie x

AD: Boleyn Traitor by Philippa Gregory is published by HarperCollins and is out now in hardcover, digital and audio formats. 

ONCE UPON A DREAM: Quiet Ambition

 

"Ambition is not a vice of little people."

Michel de Montaigne

I have often been ridiculed for my ambition. When I worked at the vets my success as a writer was smirked at and quickly dismissed by some of my colleagues as no more than a pipedream, something that would never happen. I remember the day when they all gathered around a computer and one of them Googled my name. I distinctly recall the silent shock that followed when all my traditionally published books appeared on Amazon and Waterstones websites and it became clear to them that I was already a highly successful author! This was no pipe dream - this was my life's work - and it was staring them in the face in black and white. I drove the point home by repeating that the vets was simply a student job to me while I completed my Masters Degree and that I would return to working from home and writing books again as soon as I had the Master of Arts under my belt.  Their attitude seemed to be that I should be content to be a receptionist, that I was very lucky to be working there doing twelve to fourteen hour days for minimum wage. 

This attitude continued even after I left the vet hospital to write new books for my current publisher, with one of my former veterinary colleagues using Facebook to remind me that working at the vet hospital had been my bread and butter and that I should never forget that fact, the implication being that it should completely define who I am as a person. As if! I rolled my eyes and pointed out once again, that it had only ever been a student job, that my real job was in publishing and always had been. It just goes to show though that there will always be those crabs in a bucket who try to pull you down, no matter what you do. 

Ambition is often viewed as a dangerous thing, something to be nipped in the bud and discouraged at all costs. While ambition that over-reaches talent is a bit conceited, unless steps are being taken to improve that talent with training and education; and while it can certainly be very dangerous when top jobs are given to self-serving individuals whose personal ambition outweighs the greater good of all, say for instance a President or a Prime Minister; in general I believe that ambition is a very good thing and we should be encouraging it, especially in young people. We should also encourage ambition in older people too, helping them to grow and develop and reach their full potential, because what you were born to is not necessarily the same as what you are meant for.  Growth is a natural aspect of life and it should be nurtured. 

I have always been quietly ambitious. By this I mean that I tend to keep a lot to myself. This is partially because I am a Scorpio and Scorpios are naturally very private, some might even say secretive. I have a very rich internal life that no-one knows anything about. I know what I am hoping to achieve, I know who my network consists of, I know what I want to do with my time and the kind of legacy I want to leave behind. I just don't talk about it. I keep it to myself and I quietly take the gentle steps I need to take in order to give myself the best chance of achieving those goals.  While I have never been interested in the red carpet lifestyle and I am definitely not dazzled by wealth, I still have my own sense of quiet, gentle ambition. I am interested in a much softer form of success, one that better suits my personality as an introvert and a woman who is bookish and cobwebby! I just keep it to myself. 

As an example, when I was a student of psychotherapy, everyone made the assumption that I wanted to work in the field as a counsellor, but that was never my plan. My ambition was to qualify, specifically so that I could add another string to my writing bow in the form of psychology writing, and I have achieved that goal. I now write psychology books under my first name, Jacqueline Bruce. Goal achieved. I allowed people to keep their assumptions. I didn't correct anyone or tell them my real plans. I just stuck with five years of training, qualified and then set about writing and publishing psychology books. As a result, while most of my fellow students have since bemoaned the fact that there are no paid jobs for counsellors and they are expected to work for free, I have been generating an income from writing about psychotherapy and helping people via my books, and occasionally in private practice where I have more control over the type of clients I work with. 

This is how quiet ambition works. It isn't loud. It isn't brash and boastful. It just sets the goal and then moves in silence to achieve it. Often the first anyone hears of it is after the goal has already been achieved. Once its a done deal, it is up for discussion, but not before. I find that this is the best way to focus on something, because there are no external opinions and distractions to contend with. As I said earlier, some people will go out of their way to try and tear you down, so by keeping your plans to yourself, you give them no opportunity to do so. By the time they hear of your ambitions, it should already be a goal achieved. 

I have also been berated for my success. In the past I have been accused of making things look easy, be this equestrianism, ice-skating, publishing, academics etc and I would say that this is the only downside to quiet ambition. Because if you are not talking about your goals, then you are also keeping your struggles to yourself. No-one will see the labour and consistent effort you put in, they will only see the triumph, in the same way that people see the swan gliding effortlessly on the water and fail to recognise the hard work that is going on beneath the surface as the swan's feet work like pistons in a factory! Some people only want to see the glide, the beauty, the grace. Smart people look beneath the surface to see how much work is actually involved! 

If people are not smart enough to look closely, they can quickly find themselves out of their depth as they suddenly realise that actually, its not that easy. It's bloody hard work! Such people might also blame you for the difficulty they are having in trying to achieve the same goals or enjoy the same hobbies as you, but that's on them. They obviously have a lot of personal growth to do. However, this is something I have had to deal with time and time again. It has proved to be the end of friendships and acquaintances,  as people try to emulate my achievements, only to discover through personal experience just how hard I had to work to achieve them! Nothing has just come to me. I have worked hard for everything I do, be that horse-riding, ice-skating, publishing my books or succeeding academically at university and post-graduate level. I'm just a very determined and driven person. I don't give up easily and I feel the need to press ahead. Achievement makes me happy. 

I think the reason behind such chagrin is that people mistake the sting of competition for a genuine ambition. They might be inspired to try and achieve a similar goal to me, or even the exact same one, but if they allow themselves to start seeing me and my achievements as their personal competition, someone to beat, to outshine, to outsmart, then they are only doing themselves a disservice. They are taking inspiration and transforming it into a form of toxic competition between me and them. But it isn't a competition, and for the most part I have no idea that they are feeling this type of way about my achievements until they start bitching at me about it! Then it becomes clear that they are feeling competitive towards me, convincing themselves that I've had such an easy ride, while they are having to work so hard for the same goal. Its the world's smallest violin! Because I didn't have an easy ride. I just kept the moments of struggle to myself. I chose to share only the triumph of the victory. But that doesn't mean that I didn't work hard for it. I did. 

Competition can quickly become very toxic. It can eat you up inside, leading to jealousy and envy, possibly even sabotage and disagreements. It can end relationships and friendships. It can lead to family feuds and sibling squabbles. Ambition should be nurtured and encouraged, yes, but if you are feeling overly competitive towards someone you claim to care about, you need to nip that toxic competition in the bud before it destroy your relationship with that person. Telling yourself that everything came so easily to them is a clear indication that toxic competition is in play and you are now seeing them as a rival, rather than a friend. 

Personally, I only ever compete against myself. I want to do better than I have done before. I want to beat my own achievements, so I'm not really focussing on what anyone else might be doing. I'm too busy living my own life and achieving my own goals, by myself, for myself. No competition required. I am the only competition I need to think about. How can I be better, do better, achieve more than I have before? How can I keep growing, keep expanding, keep challenging myself, even in small and gentle ways?  Where is my ambition taking me and is that the direction I want my life to go? Is it time to let the fire-horse of ambition have a free head or do I need to rein it in a little? What do I want my next achievement to be, and the next, and the next? Where does my personal Victory lie and what must I do to fight for it and attain it? How can I schedule in some positive rest? What does the space between achievements look like for me? What will I do, how will I recover from the labour of a big goal achieved? How can I learnt to fly peacefully and serenely, soaring through the clouds like a dove?

This is quiet ambition in action. Move in silence. Keep things to yourself. Don't mistake the sting of competition for a genuine ambition. Schedule recovery time. Compete only against yourself and know where and what your personal victory point is. Most of all, remember than successful people in any field have worked very hard to achieve their success. If that triggers you, you need to do some personal growth work and self-reflection to discover why.  

People will not stop succeeding and growing just because it makes you feel uncomfortable or threatened in some way. 

And I certainly won't! 

I'll use your chagrin as fuel to achieve even more! Thanks for the motivation. 

Serene Blessings

Marie x

WRITER'S DREAM: My Manifestation Workbook Journal!

 

"You may have heard that you must fight for what you want, but what if you could write for what you want instead..?"

Throughout my career as an author I have wanted to write about the alchemical magic and transformation of having a writing practise, in particular a journaling practise.  Many years ago I noticed that the things I wrote about in my diary as if they were pipedreams, would later manifest into my reality. For instance, back in 2003 I wrote "I wish I could write and sing my own album of pagan songs and melodies! That would be so cool!"  Fast-forward to 2007 and I was asked by Paradise Music to write and create an album of pagan and witchy songs that could be used in ritual, leading on to my album Moon Chants being released on Samhain 2009.  I didn't do anything to bring about this opportunity, other than write about the possibility of composing and singing my own songs in my diary a few years earlier.  The point is, I wrote about it and it happened. 

The same thing occurred again when I wrote in 2005 "I'd love to be a witchy columnist in a magazine and write for them each month!"  Then in 2008 an editor contacted me with a suggestion that I become their new columnist and I spent the next eight years writing my Witching Hour column with the top esoteric magazine in the UK, Spirit&Destiny. Again, this opportunity came out of nowhere. I wrote about it in my diary and it just happened. That is the alchemy of a journal writing practise.

Over the years I have also wished for the chance to write about the benefits of writing, journaling and keeping a diary of thoughts, dreams, feelings and ambitions, so I couldn't be more thrilled that I am now creating new Journals for people to use in their own lives. My gratitude Journal, I Am Grateful, was published last year under my first name of Jacqueline Bruce and it explores the concept of gratitude as a tool of emotional regulation and mental well being. More recently, two more of my Journals have just been published too and I wanted to jump on my blog and tell you a bit more about them.

The Manifestation Workbook by Marie Bruce is, in my opinion, the prettiest one of the bunch so far! It was published at the start of January 2026 and I am very excited for its release into the wild.  The floral cover is just beautiful and represents the potential blooming and blossoming of your life as you work your way through the Journal.  It is a soft book, full of pretty pastel shades and dreamy floral watermark imagery that sits quietly in the background of the pages, ready for you to script out your dreams and help them to bloom. The artwork isn't intrusive, rather it is designed to enhance your own written contributions to each page, with beautiful borders and watercolour images inspired by nature.  

There are Power Insights, Journal Prompts that promote self-reflection and personal growth, inspirational quotations from both ancient philosophers and modern celebrities, as well as plenty of space for you to dream on the page and write your future into being. I also wanted there to be space for you to get creative, so there are pretty boxes where you can draw, paint, stick in lists, photos, postcards and tickets from trips that inspired you and so on.  In addition, there is a double page spread specifically designed so that you can create your own portable vision board that aligns with your personal ambitions, right within the heart of the book.

Personally, I always get a little annoyed when I buy a guided journal, only to realise that there is actually very little space for me to write in it, meaning that I have to run out and buy a separate note book to use with the journal. Psychologically, a cramped writing space also makes for a confined way of thinking, so I always want my Journals to have plenty of space for you to dream vastly upon the page! Life is huge, its a big world and your ambitions should be large enough to take up space. I want people to use my Journals to help them dream vastly and expansively. 

I am frequently asked how it is that I tend to get the things that I want and achieve all my goals. The Manifestation Workbook answers that question, because it is largely based on my own life and the things that have worked well for me. It is basically a blueprint of my own strategies for success and how I keep my mind on track so that I achieve my personal goals. It is a tool for making your dreams come to fruition and for daring to allow yourself to dream big. It is designed to nurture your personal ambition and the prompts have been very carefully worded in order to bring to the surface the deepest desires of your heart. 

Like everything I write these days, my numerous years of psychotherapy training is at the epicentre of all my Journals and each one contains tried and tested psychological tools for you to try out, be that the concept of Free Play, Time Structuring, Self-Reflection or something else.  In fact, the act of journaling is in itself, a form of Scripting, which is a series of written exercises, letters and prompts that we use in psychotherapy to help people assimilate their past, present and future selves. It is a powerful psychological technique and it is present to some degree in all of my Journals.  

I think this is important to stress, because we live in a world of Pseudo-Psychologists who populate social media and offer advice and techniques that they are not really qualified to give, so you do have to be careful. Rest assured that my own Journals are the result of five years of university training in Psychotherapy and Therapeutic Counselling, with the graduate degree to match and the subsequent experience in practice with clients, so I know what I'm talking about!

In light of this, my third Journal, which was also published recently, is one of self-reflection. The Me and Mine Journal by Jacqueline Bruce is specifically designed to help you get to know yourself on a much deeper level. It is also meant to deepen your relationships with family and friends, as well as showing you how to navigate your way through a world that can often seem too loud, when all you want is peace. This is a Journal of self-discovery, asking you to consider exactly what your needs are, and if they are currently being met to the high standard that you deserve? The Me and Mine Journal will help you to rediscover Yourself and Your Inner Child, as well as key areas of your life such as Seasonal Changes, Relationships,  Ambitions and Hobbies, Emotional Intelligence and so on.  Again, there is plenty of space within the Journal for you to respond to the psychotherapy based prompts, and the unintrusive art work is soft pen and ink drawings of leaves, flowers and aspects of nature. 

These Journals are meant to be a collaboration between me and you and the universe. They are a place of co-creation, where you play a vital role in the completion of these books. In all of my Guided Journals, my authorial voice is much softer, more of a gentle whisper in the background, urging you to fill out the pages yourself.  That, I feel, is how a Guided Journal works best.  These are the books where I, the author, step back, while you, the reader, become the main author of the work - and indeed, of your life. Because in these books, it is your contribution that forms the most important word count! You will get out of them as much as you choose to put in. 

My hope is that you will come to love these Journals that I have created and that you will come to see them as close bookish friends and companions through life. All my Journals are timeless, so they are not attuned to a specific year or seasonal cycle, meaning that you can pick them up and dive right in whenever and wherever you happen to discover them. 

Much like my blog, they are a soft, safe space for you to turn to when life gets a little fraught and hectic and you need a gentle reminder that it is okay to slow down, to take a  moment, to reflect and observe, and most of all, to enjoy all the days of your life. I hope that you will embrace these Guided Journals, hold them close to your heart and treasure them as the precious tools of insight and transformation they were designed to become, and that you will make a sacred ritual out of your journaling practise. Happy Journal writing!

Serene Blessings

Marie x

AD: This post promotes my own work as detailed below:

The Manifestation Workbook by Marie Bruce was published on 1st January 2026 and is available now.

The Me and Mine Journal by Jacqueline Bruce was published on 30th September 2025 and is available now. 

The I Am Grateful Journal by Jacqueline Bruce was published on 1st October 2025 and is available now. 

ONCE UPON A DREAM: Winter Hibernation

"...you must learn not to have those around you drink your energy. I have learnt the hard way. As a child I used to give away light like it was nothing. Those without it would fill themselves up with all that good energy like I was an eternal font. The purest light attracts the most impenetrable darkness."

from Hex by Jenni Fagin

We finally have a bit of sparkly winter weather, with our first proper snowfall of this winter making everything gleam! This is Mother Nature's reminder that the winter season is meant to be a time to bunker down, rest and dream of a brighter tomorrow. Hibernation is the key word at this time of the year, but I must be honest and confess that I have been in hibernation mode since early 2025!

Over the last couple of years I have reassessed my life and I have noticed a pattern. Like lots of empathic and compassionate people, I tend to give away too much of my light. I am very quick to step forward and help someone, to take on the responsibility for their safety and wellbeing. While this isn't a bad thing, and lord knows the world needs more kindness, too much of it can be detrimental to our own health and wellbeing. When it becomes a habit, as it had with me, it can lead to lots of one sided relationships that do not serve you, but only serve to drain you, leaving you exhausted.

Relationships should be reciprocal, meaning that you should get as much from them emotionally as you are giving. If that reciprocation isn't there, then that isn't a relationship - its a master/servant dynamic, one where you serve a purpose in someone's life and they are happy to keep you around for as long as you are prepared to serve, but you get nothing in return. You give, they take - but it never works the other way around. It's not a fair dynamic  - and it certainly isn't love! Or even friendship.  If anything, it demonstrates a complete absence of love and respect on their part. They have a use for you and that is all. 

2024 completely altered my perspective on life. It was a great highlighter year, showing me where all my energy had been going - into the black hole of false attachments and sporadic acquaintance, with absolutely no return on my investment! People would phone me when they felt down, heartbroken or they were having a bad time. Men would flirt with me when they were going through a rough patch with their wives or girlfriends and their ego needed a boost. Their attitude seemed to be "Ring Marie. She'll make you feel better." And I did. I was happy to, but when I was the one who needed a bit of cheering up after the riding accident, I didn't see any of them for dust! They were all far too busy, too far away, too out of touch, deliberately unreachable. In fact, I received more affection and support from my editor and publishing house than I got from those who claimed to love and care for me! At first I made excuses for them, like you do. But slowly, in the midst of their absence and silence, I came to the conclusion that I needed to start withdrawing my energy, to take back all my love and light and keep it to myself. 

As 2025 rolled in, I thought things were actually changing and I handed round second chances like a bag of sweets. Suddenly the phone was ringing most days, group chats were a thing I never signed up for but found myself in the middle of anyway, jokes were shared, promises exchanged, plans made (which turned out to be no more than pipedreams and future faking), male admiration quickly turned into resentment and intimidation at my academic achievements, and longed for reconnections at first made my heart soar - and then shatter into a million pieces. There are some heartbreaks you just can't ignore or make excuses for, particularly when you see that such cruelty was a deliberate act, and done with considerable force.  My PTSD was being triggered left, right and centre by the endless tiffs their male egos demanded, all so that they could compare notes and turn me into a discussion point of male bonding. I was exhausted and shattered by it all. And I'd had enough. 

So early on in 2025 I decided to withdraw my energies, to pull back my love and light and to begin to conserve it as the vital resource it is. I demanded space. I am not a never ending flow of love and support.  My well of light was vastly diminished and what was left of it, I needed to use for my own continued healing journey, rather than handing it over to someone else. I was still recovering from the trauma of the hospital and the accident, but as women often do, I had put my own needs to one side in favour of helping others.  In short, I had a bad case of compassion fatigue and emotional burnout.  I have been in emotional recovery from it ever since. 

Compassion fatigue basically means that you have been giving too much to others for far too long. You feel that you have nothing left to give anymore. You have no energy for your own life, because you have spent too much of it enhancing the lives of other people, being on call whenever they want you etc. It's like the steady drip of water from a pipe - if you ignore it it will turn into a flood, so you must find the leak and fix it to prevent further damage. That is what I set about doing for myself and my energy in 2025. I examined my life to see where the drip of energy was leaking out and this is what I discovered: 

 

• A sporadic acquaintance is not the same as a friend, so they don't yet deserve the perks of friendship.
• If someone leaves for a number of years, for work or education, they effectively become strangers, and again, they don't deserve the perks of friendship.
• Never write anything without a contract in place that has been signed by both parties. 
• Never sing anything without a contract in place that has been signed by both parties.
• The police do a difficult job, but it's not my job to help them with it.  
• A charm offensive is very convincing, but the signs are always there, if you look. So look.
• Never ignore the red flags. Highlight them, then leave. 
• Social media is designed to sap your life of all meaning and to rot your brain. Don't allow it. 
• Just because I am a qualified counsellor doesn't mean that I am obliged to help anyone and everyone who is going through a rough patch. 
• Healing hurts. It takes time. Physical healing is faster than mental and emotional healing, but all three need to happen before you are fully healed.  Allow this space. 
• Accidents, injury and healing changes you and your perspective on life. 
• The people who are at your hospital bed are the ones you can rely on.
• Yo-yo men are a waste of energy - just cut the string! Be done with it. 
• Men who are intimidated by a woman's achievements and academic success have some serious growth to do. Don't let it stop you from succeeding anyway. 
• Never feed the male ego by responding to the ridiculous tiffs they instigate. This is simply rage-baiting IRL. I learnt that through experience. You don't have to. 
• Understand the difference between a gift and a bribe. A gift is given freely, no expectations, no cover-up, no strings attached. I don't respond to bribery.  Even if its called compensation. 
• Scam callers aren't just irritating, they drain your energy. 
• People pleasing is damaging to your wellbeing.
• My talent is strong and authentic, people will want to purchase it, but I am not for sale. Only the work is up for grabs.
• A meeting of the minds is not the same as a meeting of the hearts. Love matters. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

This kind of life edit is a form of self-care. Once I had identified these leaks of energy, I set about fixing them. Most were simple enough - I just distanced myself mentally and emotionally from the drains, or I blocked them completely. 

I focused on my work, writing new books and psychology decks for publication in 2026. 

I signed up for a new academic course. 

I stopped answering my phone, unless it was my mother. 

I did a lot of journaling.

I scrapped my old car and the endless new batteries it was constantly draining. 

I stopped my hobbies and just stayed home more.

I slept and rested more. I allowed myself the time to heal that my body and mind needed.

I refused the bribery of compensation payments. 

I told the police to do a better job, that I wouldn't do it for them. 

I booked a holiday to the Highlands for this year. 

I took Christmas and New Year off work for the first time in ten years.

I invested in an answer phone.

Detachment = peace = Victory Ever After.

Most importantly, I began to put myself first. I had always been in the habit of asking people What do you need, what can I do to help? The people pleasing had gone into overdrive, so I turned it around and instead I began to ask What do I need, what can I do to feel better right now? The PTSD screamed back Build the barricades! Pile the books high! I replied with How about we just do a bit of nesting, to make the fortress as comfy and cosy and pretty as possible? How about we read the books and enjoy them, and perhaps re-organise the library next year? So that's exactly what I did and two of the most beneficial things I did for myself in 2025 was to give my bedroom a beautiful pink makeover, and invest in an answering phone. It is quite surprising how much this has calmed and soothed my spirits. My room is a restful retreat once more, but its also light and bright and ethereal. And it shimmers! 

The answer phone gives me peace of mind because scammers don't leave messages, they just stop calling! Screening all my calls also means that I am not interrupted when I'm writing, or reading new books for review.  And men can't instigate their ego driven, rage-baiting tiffs with a machine! I honestly wish I'd got an answer phone much sooner. I had one years ago and I had forgotten the additional layer of personal protection it offers. It creates a soft barrier between you and the outside world. Those who know me will leave a message, those who don't or who are ringing for nefarious reasons will simply hang up. Either way, my peace is protected. My soft space remains just that - soft, quiet and peaceful. It was the best purchase of 2025!

I spent much of the last twelve months withdrawing my energy in this way, being more selective in who I communicate with and how, thinking about where my energy goes and how this makes me feel in the long term. I've attempted to delete from my life anything that drains me and so far it's going well. This is the first winter in more than a decade that I haven't had to be anywhere - no job to go out to, no external hobbies such as skating or music school, no night classes, no ice to smash on field troughs or horses to exercise in the depths of winter, no books to write over Christmas and New Year weeks.  I spent Boxing Day watching The Lord of the Rings trilogy and New Years Day watching The Hobbit trilogy. It was the best fun! Its something I've been wanting to do for years, but never had the time.  I was always too busy working, studying, writing. This is the first winter in more than ten years where I can truly hibernate and enjoy the season for what it is meant to be - a time of rest and recuperation. A time to nourish my roots and recover from the past few year's activity and all the harsh lessons learnt. 

I haven't interacted with a man or a sporadic acquaintance in months - unless the postman counts! - and suddenly I feel so much calmer and happier than I have in years! It's been bliss. I wish I'd identified all their games much sooner, but better late than never. My world is quiet and feminine, dreamy and ethereal once more. Withdrawing my energy, keeping my love and light to myself, for myself, is certainly working. I feel calm, soft, safe and centred, sure in the knowledge that should the need arise once more, I have the capability to defend and protect myself, but that I need not be in fighting mode all the time. Even a warrior princess needs some time off! Even a Bruce is entitled to rest after the battle is won. 

I feel grounded in the best way. I've taken charge of my time and my attention, instead of letting it be syphoned off by people who do not have my best interests at heart, who only have a use for me, a purpose for me to fill in their lives, or a egotistical game to play.  Now I spend my days quietly at home, writing my books, reading books for review, watching films and boxsets, taking Lush baths, enjoying my quieter indoor hobbies such as tapestry and art therapy, listening to sassy female musicians like Sabrina Carpenter and Rose who were the sound of my summer last year. Taylor's Life of Showgirl has been playing on repeat since my birthday. And I am the most relaxed I've been in years! 

Men are the biggest conundrum to me - brave yet brutal, courageous yet conniving, false and faithless, sweet yet selfish, controlling disguised as protective, apparently supportive yet secretly resentful, afraid to make a move yet angry because we don't just jump naked into their arms! They want the chase, the challenge, but then they berate us for not making it easier for them, for expecting them to actually step up in a real way before we return their interest, for wanting them to show and tell that our devotion is returned, that they are not just a sponge absorbing all our adoration as if they are entitled to it and giving nothing back. Their beauty is only skin deep and their cruelty knows no bounds, but at least they are providing female musicians with a plethora of material to sing about!  Personally, they are a puzzle I have decided I really can't be bothered to solve.  

From now on I will be putting myself first in all things, in all respects. And I shall certainly continue my peaceful hibernation mode well into 2026. It's working like a charm and I couldn't be happier in my quiet little nest! 

How have you been spending your energy? Where has your love and light been going, and is there any return on your investment. If not, this might be the winter you need to withdraw too. 

Hibernation mode ON.

Serene Blessings,

Marie x

BOOK NOOK: Spectacular by Stephanie Garber

"It was just what she feared.

Tella could feel her heart sinking as she stood there on the snowy sidewalk. She tried not to let it show. She didn't want him to go out now and get her a gift out of pity or fear. 

She wanted one given out of love."

A gentle hush seems to drop over the world during these last few days of Christmas, before everything returns to normal on January 6th. I always like this much quieter phase of the festive period. Yesterday I went out to the theatre to see a production of A Christmas Carol and it was a wonderful play, with lots of singing and ghostly shenanigans. I haven't been to see a play for a couple of years, so it was a lovely way to end the festivities. 

Today I felt the need to be much quieter and self-contained, so I curled up by the fire to read a Christmassy book. I chose Spectacular by Stephanie Garber and I have been engrossed in it for much of the evening. It is set in the same world as her Caraval series, which I haven't read yet but it is on my tbr list. However, you don't need to have read the original series to read Spectacular, as it is a novella that stands alone. 

It is a wonderful book of magic and mystery and illusion, where nothing is quite as it seems. Tella is an adventurous young woman who is on the hunt for the perfect gift for her boyfriend. She needs something that will make him sit up and take notice of her, something that will urge him to declare his feelings for her, because she is doubtful that he actually loves her. She is hoping that her gift will prompt him to make a grand romantic gesture, so that she doesn't need to question his feelings for her anymore. In short, she is in need of some romantic reassurance from her beaux and she is using the festive season as a way to try and get her needs met!

Her hunt for the perfect gift is cut short however, when she stumbles across a boy selling colourful candy that smells just a little too tempting - and so Tella's adventure begins. She is swept away to another place, full of strangers and intrigue, toys that are alive, chimney smoke that smells like cinnamon and Nutcrackers that steal your dreams. 

This little book is full of festive magic, enchanted snowflakes, sinister blindfolds and a captivatingly seductive magician at its heart. As Tella is drawn into this new world, she discovers that temptation can be a fun game to play, but wonders just how far is she willing to go to discover the truth about the conjurer who is playing with her mind?  Are some illusions worth staying in the midst of, when reality is falling far short of romantic expectations? Is fantasy better than reality? Sometimes it is, for reality has a nasty habit of shattering our illusions and breaking our hearts. 

Perhaps the best romances are the ones where both fantasy and reality merge together into one epic relationship, one truly compelling lover. Tella does her best to find her way back to her true love, but she is captivated by the fantasy that holds her in its grip and helplessly drawn to the sexy illusionist who is spinning sugar and spice and all things nice to tempt her.  It's a mesmerising world and it kept me gripped until the final page. 

The book is beautifully illustrated throughout, with a red ribbon bookmark and a gold gingerbread house embossed on the front of the hard cover.  It is a very pretty book, both inside and out. I enjoyed it immensely and I have never read a festive story quite like this one. I have a few of Stephanie Garber's novels on my bookshelves so I think I will dive into more of her work in the coming days. 

Spectacular has provided me with a lovely escape into a sexy world of whimsical magic, enchantment and illusion this evening. It's only short, being a novella, so you can read it in an afternoon or an evening. This brevity makes it the perfect Christmassy book to finish off the festive period, before the return to work commences next week. 

Happy reading!

Serene Blessings

Marie x

AD: This book was sent to me by the publisher, Hodder and Stoughton, for the purposes of review. It is out now in all formats. 

BOOK NOOK: Nordic Tales by Ulla Thynell

 

"...he would do all the prince wished, if he only wouldn't squeeze his heart to pieces..."

from The Giant Who Had No Heart.

The festive season has been damp and grey in England this year, with lots of foggy days and misty mornings but nothing at all in the way of snow or pretty sparkly weather. The endless cloud has left me wishing for snowy adventures, so I turned to this book of Nordic Tales, hoping to find a more magical festive atmosphere within its pages and it didn't disappoint me at all.

I have had the book on my shelves for some years, but never got around to reading it fully. I'm so glad that I saved it for Christmastime. Nordic Tales is an enchanting collection of fairytales from across the Scandinavian countries. Most of them I had never read before, so there was a sense of exploration and adventure as I savoured each tale.  I enjoy exploring all kinds of folklore, but there is something very intriguing about reading the folk tales of countries that are foreign to me. I thought that I knew most fairytales, but here was a whole collection that I hadn't yet discovered. It was like finding treasure!

I read the book slowly, over the course of a week or so, because I wanted to relish each story. The language of the book sounds very similar to the way in which modern Norse people speak English - they have their own way of speaking, of arranging their words into a sentence, which is very musical to the ear and something I find particularly delightful. 

This book is written in the same way, so it feels as if you are being told the stories by an old friend from the northlands, which can be very comforting during the darker nights of winter.  It's like inviting a Viking storyteller into your home to spin tales by the hearthside, to keep you company through the darkest nights of the year. 

I read one or two stories each night, beginning on the winter solstice and trying to make the adventure last as long as possible. The only tale in the collection that I was already very familiar with is East of the Sun, West of the Moon and I am happy to say that this version has a traditional ending which made me so happy.  In reading this anthology however, I have discovered some new favourites including The Forest Bride, which is a lovely tale of transformation, romance and enchantment. What little mouse wouldn't want to be loved for her quiet, shy, gentle nature, rather than spurned for it? Only a true prince would ever see the value in a tiny forest mouse. Only a true prince would understand her need to hide away, for the world is too loud, too big for her. And yet she is more than she seems!

I also liked Hildur, Queen of the Elves, Mighty Mikko and his cunning fox friend, the dancing shoes tale of Old Nick and the Girl, The True Bride, The Giant Who Had No Heart and the ghostly, seafaring adventures of Jack of Sjoholm and the Gan-Finn.  Each tale in the book is fantastical in its own way and you will find stories of transformation, wit and marvellous journeys. There is plenty of magic and enchantment that will keep you captivated, transporting you to the beautiful mountains and fijords of Norway, Finland, Sweden etc, where the Northern Lights dance through the sky and the forests are deep and mysterious. Reading it has felt like a festive Nordic holiday in a book!  

The anthology is richly illustrated by Finnish artist Ulla Thynell, and there are full colour plates for each story depicting high mountains, dark forests, mysterious doorways, castles, trolls, dragons and of course, boats because the Norse are seafaring people. The book also has a pretty red ribbon book mark, so it would make a nice gift for a bookworm who enjoys fairytales and folklore. 

I haven't been feeling especially festive this year - the weather has been dismal, I am longing for the sight of snowy landscapes, and also many of my friends are far away - so reading this book has been a great comfort to me and it has brought some of those people much closer, in my heart and mind at least. 

It has been lovely to just climb into bed each night amid the glow of the bedroom fairy-lights, and read a story from Nordic Tales, allowing my imagination to wander where I cannot, to feel connection with people I haven't seen in a very, very long time, to linger in a part of the world that means something significant to me, yet which seems so unreachable - all via the power of storytelling. This anthology of Nordic fairytales has been a wonderful, magical escape, a true north star guiding me through the dark season. 

And who knows, England might get a bit of frosted sparkly weather come January.  This little ice maiden would be glad of it. It would match my inner landscape of frosted silver white and frozen heart!

Happy reading!

Bright Blessings

Marie x

AD: This book is published by Chronical Books and is out now. 

ONCE UPON A NIGHTMARE: Christmas Crises

 

Its a long post so grab a cuppa! 

Christmas can be a dangerous time for women and children, with rates of domestic violence and sexual abuse increasing during the festive period. This is an uncomfortable truth that society as a whole shies away from. It doesn't align with the tinsel-touting message of it being the season of comfort and joy. It is much easier to imagine happy families gathered  around the Christmas tree, smiling, laughing and opening gifts, or to think of loving couples going out on festive dates together and enjoying the extra time with one another. However, the fact is that many women and children face a torrent of abuse during the Christmas and New Year period.

With the alcohol flowing freely and time off from work, tempers can be quick to spark. A little joke or gentle teasing can be enough to flare up someone's temper and suddenly the Christmas cheer has evaporated and fists start flying. Drunkenness and drug use, which numb logical thinking, can also increase the risk of someone becoming violent and aggressive. What started out as festive family-fun may end with a sudden attack, resulting in a battered wife or beaten kids. 

Add to that the increase in sexual attacks too, with office parties, nightclubs, pubs, concerts and theatres all being prime hunting ground for any predator. You might not know that you have been working alongside a sexual predator until you become his next victim, because these individuals tend to be adept at masking their true nature.  But Christmas joviality and drunkenness is the perfect excuse for them to get a little too close, a little too friendly, a little too into the rough play. 

In clubs, pubs and concerts you need to watch out for drink spiking or being hit with a rape injection on the dancefloor. If a stranger offers to help you outside, or take you somewhere quieter, say no. Find a bouncer or member of staff to help you instead, or go to the bar and ask to speak to Angela - in the UK, this is the national code word to let staff know that you are in trouble and need help. Personally I think we should have similar national code words in hospitals and hotels too, because sometimes the predators are in trusted positions of power and we need a way to escape them. Try not to get into a taxi alone and stay with your friends, travelling home together, even if this means a sleepover at a mate's house. If you notice that your pee is a pretty colour, such as pink, red, purple or blue, this is a sure indication that your drink was spiked. Don't ignore it - that nice chap you were chatting too could be the one who spiked your drink. Take action and either ask for Angela or leave the venue with your friends and get yourself home as soon as you can. 

It's unfortunate that women have to think of these things, that we need to have contingency plans in place before we head out for a festive drink or go to a party, but until men change their predatory nature, its just something we have to do. After all, A Girl's Gotta Do What A Girl's Gotta Do, as Kathleen Baty would say. Predators will always target the vulnerable and those they deem easy prey, so take steps to make sure you do not present yourself to the world in this way. Better to be called a bitch for being a bit spiky, than to trust the wrong man and regret it.  Just because a man seems nice, doesn't mean that he is safe. He could be using a charm offensive to reel you in. 

Even the nicest of men have a habit of using the bait and switch tactic on women they are interested in. By this I mean that he will begin the relationship full of care and consideration for you, he will be gentle and tender towards you, he might even indulge in a bit of future-faking too. That's the bait. It's what draws you in and sparks your interest in him.  Once he sees that you are falling for him however, he will make the switch, suddenly turning on you and becoming arrogant and obnoxious. He might deliberately pick a fight, just to see how you respond. His words are likely to be brutal and cruel.  He does this because he wants to know how much he can get away with and how capable you are at standing up for yourself.  Once he has tested the ground and assessed the strength of your boundaries, he becomes soft and sweet to you again. 

Such behaviour can be very confusing - and it is designed to be! He reels you in just to give you a psychological slap in the face, when all you did was show that you like him. As he oscillates between a charm offensive and brutal word-play, he is using a basic power game to keep you off kilter, to make you unsure of yourself, unsure of him and of the relationship. Then he will accuse you of being insecure, or he will berate you for not trusting him! 

And they ALL seem to do this! They even joke about it like its funny, referring to it as 'a tiff', when in actual fact what it was is mental cruelty and emotional abuse.  And its not okay. 

Of course, couples will always have differences of opinion, even arguments at times. That's a natural aspect of any relationship, but if he is deliberately picking fights with you, making you cry so often you begin to think twice before you say anything because you don't want to upset him (?!) that's not just a difference of opinion. That's abuse. As a result of this behaviour, you become extremely guarded, quiet, and more reserved in your communication. That's how men have successfully silenced women for centuries. 

So why do women endure this dynamic within their intimate relationships? It's because we have been trained from a very young age to do just that. If you grew up with brothers, as I did, you were trained to endure his teasing and bullying, before accepting his gruff hug as an apology. You were told to stop sulking and play nice. In society we are told to let it go and move on, forgive and forget, to kiss and make up. In this way, girls are trained to become the women who will accept such behaviour from men. 

In psychotherapy we call this relational dynamic the abuse and reconciliation cycle. He is charming, then brutal, then charming again. Over and over, sometimes for years or decades. This cycle of behaviour can include the verbal and emotional abuse stated above, but it can also mean physical and/or sexual abuse too. And the thing about abuse is - it escalates. A push becomes a shove, which becomes a slap, which becomes a beating. Understanding the patterns of abuse and the psychology of abusive men is essential learning for all women, I believe, because how else will you recognise it in time to get out before its too late? 

And men need to understand that when they lose their temper and become angry, perhaps even breaking and smashing things, it can be very intimidating to a woman. Men are naturally much bigger and stronger than we are, and even if they have no intention of physically harming us, we don't know that! All we feel is the threat of a potential attack. Seriously lads, either simmer down, or take it to the gym.

When I lived with my ex-fiancé we didn't have one good Christmas. Not one. In the seven years we lived together, each festive season would follow the same pattern. I'd put the tree up, full of love and and hope that this would be a lovely season for both of us, that we would make our own traditions. Then the nights out with his mates and the festive parties would begin. His workplace party was usually the trigger for his excessive drinking etc., and he would come home in the early hours, rolling drunk and aggressive. He would pick a fight with me, sometimes even waking me up in the middle of the night just to argue. And then the shit-show would really kick off - punching walls and doors, smashing my things (always my stuff, never his), screaming in my face etc, before the grand finale when he would pick up the carefully decorated Christmas tree and throw it across the room, sparks flying as the fairy lights were ripped apart.

 The implication was "Me big man! Me throw plastic tree! Huh!"  It would have been funny - if it hadn't been so intimidating, as it was meant to be. 

I should never have endured it for so long. But I did. I had nowhere else to go. 

Every year I was with him the Christmas tree would go flying across the room. Every. Single. Year.  One year, he followed it up by flinging his plate of Christmas dinner across the room too, then a couple of minutes later he announced that he was going to his mother's house because there was "nothing to eat here!"  His mother fed him like a king, happy to have her precious little boy home on Christmas Day. I often wonder if he ever told her why he'd turned up unexpectedly, if he ever confessed his brutally bad behaviour towards me to his own family? Somehow, I doubt it. Not that they would have cared. They would have found it funny. They didn't much like me anyway.

Of course, in floods of tears, I cleaned up the mess, as women always do. I righted the tree. I rehung the baubles that could be salvaged, swept up the broken ones and put them in the bin, threw my dinner in the bin too. No appetite for it now.  What was the point? Christmas was already destroyed - and by the very man who claimed to love me. There were other incidents too, like the time he pushed and held my head under water when I was in the bath, or the time he pulled a knife and suggested we make a suicide pact because, in his words, "You'd do it if you loved me". His hero was Sid Vicious which I think was the inspiration behind that particular moment - the whole Sid and Nancy thing. Needless to say, it was pretty scary.

I didn't tell anyone about the things that had happened. I kept it all to myself. When the man you love becomes the threat and your home becomes unsafe, what do you do, where do you go? When a man makes the choice to use his strength against you - and it is a choice - how do you respond? Hide, fight back and risk escalation, or endure it? You endure, until you can endure it no longer. I was young, in my early twenties, and I didn't understand then that domestic abuse, or any kind of abuse, doesn't always mean a punch in the face. You don't have to have cuts and bruises or broken bones to be in an abusive relationship. But it took me a while to understand that. 

I remember the day when the penny finally dropped. It was summer. He'd had another tantrum and stormed out of the house. I was on my hands and knees, sobbing as I cleaned up broken glass and wiped my blood from the floor. My blood, never his.  Then time just stopped, in a moment of crystal clear clarity - I sat back on my haunches and said to myself "This is abuse. This isn't love. I'm in an abusive relationship. How did that happen? I need to get out"  And that was the start of the extraction process, as I began to make plans to end the engagement and make a fresh start on my own. 

That was back in summer 1999. I broke up with him that September and ended our engagement. We never got as far as planning the wedding. Thank God! He wasn't receptive to the breakup, as abusive men don't like to lose control, so I had another six months of hell as he was regularly arrested by the police for his menacing and aggressive stalking. Another long, six months before I finally thought of myself as being free. It was one of the hardest times of my life and I wasn't yet 25.

And people wonder why I'm single.

I have lived alone and been commitment phobic ever since! Once bitten, twice shy. I spend Christmas alone now, or with my mum. Its safer that way. Solitude is the safest place I know. Abuse of any kind leaves lasting, but often invisible scars. Each year when I put up my pretty pink tree, I think back to that time in my life. I hang pretty, fairytale ornaments knowing that they will be treasured, rather than trashed, that the tree will be dismantled and put away properly in the New Year, rather than destroyed. 

I think back to that time as I decorate my tree. I think of all the women who are also decorating their trees and hoping for a lovely festive season. Then I send a little prayer of strength to those women who, like my younger self, will witness their carefully decorated tree fly across the room this Christmas, at the hands of the man they love and adore. Or perhaps they will endure something much worse. 

Yes, Christmas can be a dangerous time for women and children. 1 in 4 women experiences some form of domestic abuse in her lifetime and 45% of all adult female murder victims are killed by a current or ex-partner, according to Refuge. It's not paranoia to take steps towards your personal safety. It's survival.  This post highlights fragments of my own story, but there are many others who have had similar experiences.

But remember dearest one, Christmas trees are not meant to fly. 

So if your tree takes flight across the house this year, it is trying to tell you that you are in a bad place and you need to get out. It's not easy, it can be difficult, but it is possible. 

In which case, the links below may prove useful to you. These are free charity services and they are there to help.  Remember that if you and your children are in immediate danger to call 999 and ask for the police, or ask to order a pizza - this is another code word to let the operator know you need help but aren't safe to speak openly. Or you can simply tap on your phone and they will guide you from there.

Domestic and sexual abuse are both rife within our society and sadly the same woman can often experience different types and levels of abuse at different times in her life. That's not unusual. It's just one of the things society turns a bind eye to. But please don't. If you suspect someone you know is being abused, please don't turn a blind eye and a deaf ear. Reach out. Softly, gently and with compassion. You might be saving a life. 

I wish you all nothing but peace, joy and safety, throughout the festive season and beyond.

Blessed and Protected Be

Marie x

Refuge - for help with Domestic Abuse. 

Rape Crisis - for help in the aftermath of Rape & Sexual Assault.

Shelter - for help with Homelessness (including displacement due to domestic abuse). 

Karma Nirvana - for help with Honour Based Abuse & Forced Marriage

Samaritans - for General Support and Sign-Posting to other services.

Childline - for youngsters under 19 who need Help & Support

Symptoms of Domestic Abuse - interesting article that's worth reading - knowledge is power

The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker - an important book that could actually save your life one day.