WRITER'S DREAM; A Writer's Education

Guided by a higher force...

In a swirl of lashing rain, thunder, lightening and gusty winds, autumn finally arrived in Yorkshire yesterday. Up until then it had been unseasonably warm, which my cat Pyewackett has been loving - we celebrated his Sweet 16th on Monday and he was sun bathing!  I am ready to enjoy the cooler weather.  Miserable weather is great for writers; it lends an atmosphere of retreat to a long day at the desk.  With the heating on, candles flickering and a cup of chai tea latte beside me I can sit quite happily, writing away for hours, lulled into a dreamscape by the patter of rain against the study window.

I am into the next level of my psychotherapy course and while I'm still finding the pretentiousness of academia a bit much to take on board without rolling my eyes, I'm enjoying the course for the most part.  It has already enriched my writing career - literally! The single sale of a feature on empathy has earned back the money I spent in course fees this time last year, so I can clearly see that my plan is working and both the course and my writing career will soon be feeding off one another quite effectively. More features have been placed since that one and I am surprised at how easy it has been to incorporate my new learning into an already established writing career.

It is notoriously difficult for an author to re-brand themselves and switch genres, which is why pen-names come in handy.  I think psychotherapy sits on the edge of my writing sphere anyway, so it hasn't been too much of a risk for editors to run these new type of features from me as a core contributor - if anything it has simply added a fresh slant, which is what keeps magazines alive and dynamic. 

It is also good for me to have a fresh focus and a whole new back-up plan, which this course has offered me.  The recent recession has been a tough time for anyone who works in the creative fields.  I am quite lucky in that I have several publishers, but when a long-standing magazine I contributed to regularly, folded and went under, I must confess it left me somewhat rattled.  Seemingly overnight, I had lost a source of income, with no warning.  This is the reality of being a freelance writer.  While I have other publishing contracts and contacts  to keep my business ticking over nicely, there is no doubt that commissions slowed for a time and  have only just begun to pick up again. Editors are working to very tight budgets to keep their magazines and houses in business.

It seemed like as good a time as any to work on a back-up plan; one that would easily co-exist with my writing career and enrich my work.  So far the plan is working like a charm; there is a sense of faith that this is something I am meant to do, and that it will keep my writing vibrant as I go.  Last night when I got in from class I spent the entire night tucked away in my study studying, falling into bed at 6am.  It was fun and I enjoyed the sense of accomplishment I had as I drifted off to sleep.  As I've mentioned in previous posts, the course is really just a stepping-stone for me, to get me closer to where I want to be.  I have achieved almost all of my life goals, with only three major goals left to go...but I have a sense of certainty that I will achieve these too, now I have this new string to my bow.  For the first time, these three major goals are on the horizon of my life, not yet within my reach, but I can see them and I feel now that I can make them my reality.  If there is destiny at work then I feel grateful for the helping hand, and they do say that life begins at 40, so perhaps I've just been saving the best goals for last!

ONCE UPON A DREAM; For my Scots Boys

Dear Boys, 

Whichever way you voted yesterday know that I am proud of you all.  I'm sorry Scotland has been torn in half by the Referendum but I'm sure it will pull together again soon enough.  Stay indoors this weekend and don't get caught up in any drunken scrapping!  Tensions and emotions will be running high. I expect my boys to remain calm and centered.  I'll be back to see you next month. Look out for me then.  Meantime, here is a pic of me at Bannockburn to make you smile;

with love to you all, my little pride of lions

Maz 

xoxo

BOOK NOOK; Gravitas by Caroline Goyder

www.gravitasmethod.com

Caroline Goyder is fast becoming one of my favourite self-help authors.  I fell in love with her first book The Star Qualities some time ago and reviewed it here  on my blog.  Her new book is called Gravitas and it has been on my to-read list for a while. As I am back in night classes once more studying a psychotherapy course, now seemed like a good time to read it.  It was just what I needed!

Caroline has a very gentle authorial voice; she isn't pushy with her readers, commanding them to 'just do it'. Instead she comes across like a big sister, sharing her knowledge and pointing out the pitfalls to watch out for.  She is a kindly mentor. As public speaking is one of my fears and presentations are a compulsory element of the course I'm on, I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, but on reading Gravitas, I now have a vital box of tools to help me through the trauma of it all.

Gravitas sounds like a big word, a big deal. It sounds quite intimidating and I probably wouldn't have bought this book if I wasn't already familiar with the author's previous work.  I have found The Star Qualities to be so useful over the years and I'm sure Gravitas will become my anchor in a sea of uncertainty.

We communicate everyday, on so many different levels, yet rarely are we taught how to do it effectively.If you have ever struggled to be heard in a meeting, or missed out on a promotion due to shyness, or you just need to speak with more authority over the phone then Gravitas is what you need.

I especially enjoyed the section where Caroline talks about 'the gremlins' - those people who try to undermine your confidence, sabotage you at work, nit-pick at everything or just drain you to the point of exhaustion with their garrulous conversation.  Gremlins are the people who feed your anxieties and make your head spin so that you cannot think clearly and they can then hold the floor and work to their own agenda.  Not only does this book teach you how to spot the gremlins in your life, it also tells you how to deal with them and neutralize their negative impact. I found this part of the book very reassuring - it's not just me being mean - these kind of people do exist and I have, in the past, invited them into my life.  Thankfully I now know what to watch out for.

I have enjoyed reading Gravitas and I am eager to see what Ms Goyder comes up with for her next book.
Check out the link above to find out more about Caroline's work.  You can also follow us both on Twitter;

@carolinegoyder
@marie_bruce

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Autumn in the Highlands

Watch out for me boys...I'm coming back!

It seems as if the brief summer is now over as there is a chill in the air and the distinct feel of autumn approaching.   The nights are drawing in earlier and it's now dark for 9 pm.  It is the time of year to think about making the house cosy with rugs, throws and faux furs to snuggle into;  to turn towards comforting dishes of lasagna and Shepard's pie, baked potatoes, and apple and blackberry crumble, drenched in custard.  I've taken to lighting candles in the evenings again and I've put away my summer oils, replacing them with autumnal fragrances for my oil burner instead.

As the seasons start to shift my thoughts are turning back to Scotland.  Last year I went to Oban, a place I'd never visited before. I had a great time, made friends with a lone piper, and walked by the sea everyday.

This year I will be returning to my old haunt of Strathpeffer.  I've taken the advice of the hotel manager there and decided to go a little later in the autumn than I usually do, so I can enjoy the golden colours of the Highlands. It will be the height of the rutting season, so I'm hoping to see some wild stags - I usually do see stags in Strathpeffer, but the rut might mean that they are too busy scrapping in the glen to come and see me, so I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed. I'm looking forward to being in Scotland again...my soul sings when I am in the Highlands and I feel the magic of the place reaching out to me with every step...

It won't be long now...just a few weeks to wait.

In the meantime I plan to enjoy the return of the darker nights with spicy scented candles, cable knit slipper socks, chai tea latte, dark chocolate covered ginger biscuits and a pile of  Country Living and Country Homes autumnal back issue magazines, to get me into the spirit of the new season.  It's time to still the soul with a bit of self-nurturing and the fine art of staying in. 

ONCE UPON A DREAM; For every tear...

So very true.

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Love Letters

Seal it with a kiss and let the postman be your messenger of love

"We write letters because they last, even when the love that inspired them has gone..."

Quotation from How to Write Love Letters by Michelle Lovric

In a technological age it would seem that we have lost the art of writing love letters.  These days we rush off an email, a text or post a message to someone on Facebook or Twitter, but the romantic gesture of actually writing and posting a love letter is all but forgotten.

For me love letters are the best possible approach from a new suitor; less fattening than chocolates, more lasting than flowers, the humble billet doux will always get my attention.  Maybe it's because I'm a writer and so a written message captures my interest.  If it's written down, I simply have to read it. I cannot ignore it, like I can dismiss a pick-up approach in public.

There is something rather special about a letter, or even a cheeky Hallmark card that says just the right thing, coming unexpectedly through the letterbox.  It is a small act of genuine regard that has the power to make someone's day.  It can make the difference between a romance blossoming or falling flat before it's even got off the ground.  It can pave the way for a new love to be made welcome in a woman's life.

There is much to be said for this type of 'softly-softly'  approach.  A love letter isn't a demand for a woman's time and attention; it isn't an unexpected and inconvenient knock on the door when she's in the bath.  It is a gentle whisper that says 'When you have a moment, read this'  A love letter is a non-threatening approach, so perfect for the gun-shy girl, wounded by love in the past.  It is an invitation to consider the possibility of something more.  It is a private moment when she can experience a man's regard for her, without being expected to give anything in return.  There is a purity to the love letter - the gentle caress of the wordsmith leading a woman to make a reply; it gives her permission to speak the truth of her heart without fear of embarrassment because distance creates a protective shield. 

The billet doux can quite respectfully be taken to bed long before the suitor; it can be read, over and over, while the moonlight filters into the bedroom and the candles flicker.  The kisses written in a love letter are just as treasured as the real thing, and they last forever.  If lovers are forced to spend time apart, a love letter can be the best way to ensure he is the last one to wish her goodnight and sweet dreams, as she peruses his  words before she goes to sleep at night.  It can be the bridge that brings them together in the end and the hope for a brighter future together.

"Mine own sweetheart, these shall be to advertise to you of the great aloneness that I find here since your departing"

Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Beware the Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Beware the wolf in sheep's clothing...don't stray from the path...be careful who you trust...never let your guard down etc etc.  Little girls are taught from a young age to be careful of the people they trust for they may not be all that they seem.  Little Red Riding Hood is a parable designed to teach this early on, yet as we grow up, it's often the 'wolves' that get our attention first.

I have a tendency to see the best in people and while this sounds like a great virtue, over the years I have come to realize that it is actually my biggest flaw.  It means that I sometimes trust the wrong people, those who would manipulate others to serve their own agenda.  It means that I have been deceived in the past and I have failed to recognize when I am under the influence of what psychologists call truth bias and traumatic bonding. 

Put simply truth bias is when the facts are staring you in the face but you just don't allow yourself to believe it, so you believe the word of a liar instead, because you love the person who is being dishonest.  In that moment it is easier to accept a lie than it is to deal with the reality of the truth.  Truth bias is a twisted form of self-preservation...believe the lie and kiss and make up; believe the lie and go on as before; believe the lie and avoid change. Because change seems more painful than deception.

Traumatic bonding is when you find yourself in a relationship that is not really of your choosing, but which just seems to develop during a stressful time in your life.  If you are dealing with illness or bereavement, it can be difficult to see when you are being manipulated and drawn into a relationship against your better judgment.   There are some people who would take advantage of any situation, even funerals and serious illnesses, in order to compromise you and take advantage.  They are wolves in sheep's clothing - they look like good guys, they act like good guys - they might even be in a profession which garners automatic trust such as doctors or the police - yet they are acting from their own selfish agenda and you have inadvertently become their latest little tidbit.  

Traumatic bonding and truth bias frequently go hand in hand, meaning that you become blind to the situation you are in, partly because no-one likes to admit that they can have been so easily manipulated, taken advantage of and fooled in every way.  So you just carry on as you were.   Eventually though, you become so broken by disappointment and let down that you stop caring about anything at all...and this is the turning point.

At this stage, an influence far older, wiser and deeper than either truth bias or traumatic bonding steps in and takes over - in short, your survival instinct kicks in, rips the blinkers from your eyes and gives you the strength you need to move on.   You can acknowledge, to yourself at least, that yes, someone DID try to take advantage of you; that yes, they DID offer silver-tongued empty promises to be there for you, to catch you when you fell, to care for you...and then promptly left you to drop and fend for yourself because you failed to meet their demands and you ceased to be convenient to them.  Someone DID try to reel you in at a traumatic time, not because they had any genuine care or compassion for you, but because they viewed you as an easy target.  When you begin to see the truth, then you can deal with it.

Just because someone claims to have your best interests at heart, does not mean that they do.  Ask yourself "Is this a treat or a threat?"  "Is this a show of support or a strategic seduction?" "Is this a friend, or a fiend?"   At the end of the day, you will be stronger for surviving the disappointment and you will have learnt to look beyond that which is being presented to you, to see the deeper truth lurking beneath.

And while you will always be wary, the wolves in sheep's clothing should also beware...for they'll never know when or if the loose cannon they left behind might go off with an almighty bang.