"FUIMUS - We Have Been"

"FUIMUS - We Have Been!" motto of Clan Bruce


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Tuesday, 4 September 2012

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Time Spirals

A Perfect Example of A Time Spiral

Photo from angelslightworldwide.com  .
In the winter of 2002 I watched helplessly as my grandmother died of cancer.  Now exactly ten years on, I am watching my step-father go through the same process.  It is heart-breaking. He is the latest of my family to be struck down with the disease...every other member of my close family has either died, or survived cancer...but since the late '90's it has always been there,  an ominous dark shadow hovering over us.

It is very upsetting and distressing but it got me thinking about time spirals and how they affect our lives. I have never believed that the passing of time is a linear process; I believe it is more of a spiral which we traverse in an ascending direction, moving ever on-wards and upwards.  At certain significant periods in our lives we pass by the same bend in the spiral, re-experiencing something, drawing out old emotions and regurgitating memories.  This explains why we sometimes feel as if we are going round in circles and getting no-where fast because in effect, we are going round in circles!  But we are still moving forwards and ascending the spiral.

Of course I have had the understandable gut reaction of  "I can't believe we are here again; that my mother has to go through this...again; that my step-father has to experience it at all".  It is a real struggle to try and find any kind of silver lining in my life at the moment and I must confess that my positive attitude has taken a significant knock-back. Any positive vibes I have must be given to my mother, step-father and to my work. Even so, I am trying to come to terms with the hand that life has dealt us.  It's not easy, but knowing that it is just the same old bend in my personal life spiral is strangely comforting.

It is not only the family illness which tells me I am traveling the same bend, although that is the most significant evidence; but other things have also occurred in recent months which have brought the past back into the present... for example, last autumn I had an unexpected meeting with the doctor who cared for my grandmother when she was dying and whom I've not seen for years.  I have found myself pondering on the past quite a bit too, especially my grandmothers funeral which is an event my mind had blanked out...but now I remember.  I have found myself drawn back to the same destination in the Highlands that I first visited a decade ago.  These are all signs that I am passing by a landmark on my time spiral...the past has come back and taken up temporary residence in my present.

The good thing about time spirals is that they can help us to navigate the most difficult bends in the road; I have been here before so I know what to expect.  In the decade that has passed since my grandmother died I have grown older, wiser and stronger.  Nothing knocks me down that I can't bounce back from.  It's just a bend in the spiral and this too shall pass.  I am also aware that something good must be waiting for me and mine round the next bend because life is about balance...to get there I just have to keep plodding on-wards and upwards.

I share this personal story because other people might also have experience of a difficult time spiral.  No-one's life is perfect and we all have rocky roads to navigate at times.  If you do ever feel that you are running round in circles, or wonder how you can find yourself in the same old place after a decade has passed...take the time to think back over your own personal life spiral...it could simply be that you really are just... going round the bend! :-)
Blesses Be x

3 comments:

  1. Oh Marie, I am so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through right now. You are all in my thoughts, and I ask for you to have the strength to get through this ordeal x x
    I had never thought of the concept of a time spiral before and it has caused quite a wow! moment having read your post on it! Food for thought indeed. As you said, life is indeed about balance and I am sure there are good things waiting for you and your family around the corner. Stay strong , Star x x

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    1. Thanks Star, I am cheered by your words. Silver linings are made from kind thoughts I think :)
      BB Marie

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  2. Hoping you are okay, and sending continued positive thoughts to you all x x. Warmest wishes for Mabon tomorrow :-) Star x x

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