Some years ago I knew a woman who led a very parasitic lifestyle. She was fit and healthy, yet she refused to go out to work and claimed benefits instead. To top up her benefits, she would regularly ask people for money or groceries. She would target one friend at a time, tapping them regularly until they got fed-up of the scrounging and sent her away empty-handed. Then she would move onto someone else instead. She was always the first one to welcome new friends into the circle, ingratiated herself with small gifts, then set about her feeding frenzy. She usually had a sob story to tell and would suck people dry by playing on their emotions until they opened their purse. She could gather a week’s groceries, just by phoning a friend or knocking on doors!
Now, I am all for helping those in genuine need, but you have to know when a person is taking advantage of you, and when to draw the line. Why should you waste your time, money and resources helping those who will not help themselves? It only prolongs the problem, for while ever they get their needs met by others, they have no incentive to start meeting their needs for themselves, so it fosters learned helplessness and becomes a cyclical behaviour pattern. Sometimes tough love is the best response. Just say no. Repeatedly. Until they understand that you’ve shut up shop and you’re not a cash machine!
It is important to recognize a social parasite early on, before they have drained you to the point of resentment – or bankruptcy! Most people have heard of energy vampires. Social parasites work in exactly the same way, only they drain material resources instead – food, money, goods, services and so on. Some are so skilled it’s hard to say no, like the friend who never has enough money to cover their share of a meal or a taxi. Others have been doing it for so long that they think it is a normal way to live. It isn’t. It’s intrusive, unfair and immoral.
With the economic effects of the coronavirus pandemic just becoming evident, parasitic life-stylers are likely to go into overdrive, so it pays to have a ready response should one come knocking on your door in the near future. As I said, tough love is the best response and saying no repeatedly should eventually have the desired effect and send them away.
Like all parasites, they need a host to feed upon, so if it becomes clear that you are not prepared to meet their needs, they will move on to someone else instead. Offer more practical assistance, such as suggesting they apply for jobs or additional benefits, contact a social worker, or give them phone numbers they can call for a referral to a food bank or reputable debt charity. If they keep asking for money, tell them you don’t keep cash in the house as you only use a debit card for your own expenses. Refuse invitations to go out with someone who has a habit of not buying their round of drinks, or those who eat and run before the bill comes in. Be firm with them and with yourself.
Of course, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t give a cup of sugar to a neighbour in a pinch, only that you shouldn’t supply a full list of groceries to the same person, for months on end, with no signs of them trying to provide for themselves, thus encouraging their dependency. Use your own judgment and common sense to separate those in genuine need, from those who choose a parasitic life. Your refusal might be just the shock they need to get a job and get their life back on track. Independence and autonomy should always be encouraged wherever possible.
Serene Blessings,
Marie Bruce x
Marie Bruce x
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