ONCE UPON A DREAM; Reflections on First Snow

 

Over the past couple of days the temperature has fallen and we have enjoyed the first snow of the season in Yorkshire.  It means that winter is here and it has been the perfect end to my birthday week. My Christmas tree is up and the house is all ready for the festive period.  I do love snow - especially when I have nowhere to go and nowhere I need to be, which has been the case this week.

I've spent the snowy days hibernating in my cosy study, working away on the next project, occasionally looking up to watch the snow falling in huge feathery flakes.  It's been so pretty and I have had such a nice time.  I feel like I am living all my Jo March dreams this winter.  I am about halfway through the current project, with another lined up to start immediately afterwards, so there will be a few drops from me next year.  It's an exciting time and one that is filled with joy and gratitude.

The snow is lying quite thick on the ground and as I write this post, it is getting even colder, now that night has fallen.  It will be crisp and icy tomorrow.  November has been such a lovely month this year, beginning with the warm, golden bronzed tones of autumn - the trees have been spectacular this autumn - and now ending in the winter wonderland of snow! How wonderfully kind my birthday month has been to me! It has brought me my Masters Graduation, a very happy birthday, new writing to get on with and now my favourite weather of all - snow! I feel very blessed. 

There is something about snowy days that collude with a writing life.  It's too cold to go outside for long, and after a brief walk, it is nice to come back indoors to the cosy vibes of the Yuletide tree and settle in to work.  I've had my Sleigh Ride or Fireside ambient DVDs playing in the background while I work, and the festive treats of warm mince pies and Turkish Delight hot chocolate beside me as I invent my next project on the page.

It has been so enjoyable and I am reminded daily of how much I love my job as a writer and how thankful I am to have so many new opportunities coming to me again. It occurred to me a few days ago that I have actually received my birthday wish from last year - it came true and now I am living it on a daily basis. Magical thinking is powerful indeed.

Now the year turns towards its end. The festive season beckons, with presents and Christmas baking and pretty new party dresses to twirl in until midnight. There are sugar mice beneath my tree, soft carols playing in the background and a book of festive Nordic tales by my bed, so I can read of even snowier climes at Yuletide, each night before I close my eyes and drift off into dreams of dancing sugar-plum fairies. I have been burning Yankee's Peppermint Candy Cane candles and the whole house smells like the Land of Sweets from The Nutcracker.  It's delicious! 

I feel as if the break from Wicca and magical writing was much needed, because I was suffering from burn out. Also, it has given me a new perspective on my own magic and in the space that break created, a whole new magical writing life has taken root.  Sometimes you do need to take a break from magical living in order to recharge and allow the next phase of enchantment to germinate and come to fruition. I needed the break, but I am so delighted to be back in my enchanted world as a magical writer once more and the writing process is so joyful to me again. I feel a new found sense of wonderment in my work.

It hasn't always been easy to trust that I would be guided back to a writing life again once my studies were over, but this time last year I was just putting out feelers to publishers regarding new projects and plans - and now, I'm in the thick of those plans! The dream, made manifest, became my reality and I never truly get used to that feeling or take it for granted. It always fills me with a sense of being wonderstruck!

But for today, my word count is achieved and it is time to relax on this glorious, snowy night. I'm going to warm up some mulled wine and gingerbread, then sit by the fire in the light of the twinkling tree, to watch A Kylie Christmas at the Royal Albert Hall. I can't think of a nicer way to end such a productive and magical day of writing! 

Whatever you're doing on this frozen, snowy night, stay warm and safe and enjoy the winter magic!

BB Marie x

MUSICAL DOLL; All I Ask of You

 Raoul says all the right things...dreamy suitor😍

BOOK NOOK; Midnight in Everwood by M A Kuzniar

 "The snow was crisp and firm, forging a path of granulated sugar.  Marietta wandered deeper into the enchantment. It was heavy with the scent of forest, snow and marzipan.  Emerald fir trees towered up, brushing against the midnight patchwork of constellations."

The weather has turned much colder in Yorkshire these past few days and my birthday yesterday was frosty white, and so cold I decided to wear one of my faux fur coats.  After all the fun of birthday shopping and my first trip to the cinema since the pandemic began (I went to see Spencer which was fantastic!), today I wanted nothing more than to curl up in the warmth with a snowy book. I couldn't have picked a better one than Midnight in Everwood which is an enchanting winter's tale, based upon the Nutcracker ballet.

Set in Nottingham in 1906, it tells the story of Marietta, who longs for nothing more than to be a ballerina and spend her life dancing in a Company. Her parents however, have other ideas and they are pushing her into a marriage with the new neighbour, the wealthy Dr Drosselmeier.   Marietta has no intention of marrying anyone, least of all a man who has strange gifts she doesn't understand and certainly doesn't trust, but Drosselmeier isn't one to take no for an answer and so on Christmas Eve, Marietta finds herself spirited away into a magical winter wonderland, where an evil king sits on the throne and fairies and princesses are held captive.

It isn't all bad though, and Marietta is seduced by the pretty magical world around her, where the streets are paved in cobbles made of marzipan, the air smells like peppermint and sugar frosting, and the first bite of a snowberry cake tastes like Christmas morning!  Here snowflakes are made from vanilla icing and hot baths are minty fresh and invigorating. 

As Marietta tries to find her way in this world of wintry sweetness, she dances for the king, befriends his prisoners and falls in love with a soldier. She is tempted to remain in this land of frosted palaces and sugar mice but she knows it's not where she belongs and she has to find her way back home so that she can be the ballerina she dreams of becoming.

This is a stunning retelling that will sweep you away into the heart of winter and the Nutcracker story.  If you love ballet, snow, magic and romance, then you will like this adult novel and the author's take on the famous classical festive ballet.  It is written in a very poetic style with lots of ballet references throughout. The words dance off the page like a corps de ballet! 

Midnight in Everwood plays like a harp on a sweet tooth, making you crave peppermint candy canes, sugar mice, marzipan, gingerbread and hot chocolate, so it is best enjoyed by the fire with a plate of festive treats and a steaming mug of cocoa. One of the best things about having my birthday in November is that I always gets lots of festive goodies as gifts, so I was nibbling on gingerbread men, sugar mice and candy canes as I read this wonderful book.  It really is the perfect stocking filler for anyone with a romantic nature or a love of ballet, and I think it is destined to be a very popular gift this Christmas. Let the Sugar Plum Fairy start dancing in your head! 

Happy festive reading!

Marie x

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Master of Arts Graduation!

 

I have just had my second Graduation ceremony and I am now awarded the Degree of Master of Arts in Creative Writing!  It's been a weird course, much of it on Zoom because of the pandemic, and even our graduation was moderated due to Covid - for instance, there were no hand shakes, no champagne buffet afterwards and no scrolls were handed out at the ceremony. Instead, it was just a doff of the cap to and from Baroness Kennedy QC, who was presiding over the event.  I don't think I've ever met a Baroness before and she was lovely, not at all stuffy, so that was quite nice.

Just like last time, I was a bag of nerves. I left my mother in the foyer of the venue as we went through different doors to take our seats.  I was sat behind what seemed like hundreds of BA Graduands, who all had to receive their degrees first, so the wait was pretty nerve wracking.   As a Masters Degree recipient, and the first of only three MA students, I was in the penultimate group to go up, with only the PhD students behind me. So there was a lot of sitting and clapping and plenty of time for the nerves to build. 

By the time we were called to the stage area, my mind had already envisioned every possible disaster that could befall me;  I'd trip over my own feet, I'd trip on the steps going on or off stage, I'd slip on stage and butt-sledge across the boards, I'd rip the gown on the hand rail, I'd knock off my mortar board as I doffed my cap or I'd forget to doff completely and the Baroness would have me flung in the Tower and probably beheaded...

So by the time I was being given instructions to ascend the mountain of three little steps and stand on the white marker while my name was read out, then traverse the stage, I was shaking like a jelly.

How I got through it without vomiting on my shoes or peeing my pants in terror I'll never know! I'm simply not cut out for pomp and ceremony and I don't like being the center of attention.  Not for the first time I felt so grateful to my mum for giving me a nice long name, as this gave me vital extra seconds to collect myself as I stood on stage, before I began the walk of terror.  I don't recall doffing my cap, but my mum tells me that I did it beautifully.  To be honest, my brief time on stage is a blur to me - all I remember is the huge sense of relief I felt when I sank back into my seat, my eyes filling with tears of gratitude that it was over and I'd somehow managed to navigate the ceremony without mishap.  From then on it was time to celebrate!

The Christmas Market was in full swing - much smaller than usual, but still an improvement on last year when it was cancelled altogether, so we went into the pretty Alpine Bar and had roasted chestnuts and hot spiced toffee cider.  The we tried a spiced mulled gin, which was lovely, before going around the market and buying a few festive goodies.  Afterwards it was time to head back to university for the de-gowning ceremony, and from there we went out for a roast dinner to finish off the day.  It was lovely and my mum said she had really enjoyed the whole day, so that was nice.

Of course, I am still attending Masterclasses as and when I want to, although I now go as an Alumni so I can just pick and choose the speakers I want to hear and the seminars I want to attend.  This means that I will still be popping into university quite regularly, especially if they have events with an author I am especially interested in, as this is a great way to meet other successful authors and network a little bit.  

So my time at university is far from over, and I did find myself thinking during the ceremony earlier how lovely the PhD graduation robes are! One rung of the ladder remains - maybe I'll climb it, maybe I won't. All I know is that I have achieved the goal I set for myself and I am now a Master of Arts as a Creative Writer.  After over twenty years as a published author, I now have a high qualification in the job I've been doing for all that time! That is an achievement worth celebrating and I brought a new friend home with me too...😀

Congratulations to anyone else who has graduated this autumn - it has been a strange time to study, so the results are especially worth celebrating.  Enjoy! 

Marie Bruce MA x

BOOK NOOK; Wintering by Katherine May

 

"Our knowledge of winter is a fragment of childhood, almost innate; we learn about it in the surprising cluster of novels and fairytales that are set in snow. All the careful preparations that animals make to endure the cold, foodless months, hibernation and migration, deciduous trees dropping leaves.  This is no accident."

It is 4pm on a damp November afternoon and owl-light is just beginning to descend, pushing back the watery daylight with the promise of a velvety night to come. I'm burning Pumpkin Chai scented candles left over from Samhain and sipping on Turkish Delight hot chocolate.  Curled up in my little nook under a blanket, I have just finished reading Wintering by Katherine May and what a lovely little book it is too!

Wintering is both a personal memoir of living with chronic illness and an ode to the dark season of life.  At first, I thought that I had mistakenly picked up a book that was more about illness and suffering than the winter season I love so much, but once through the introduction and back story, I found myself hungrily devouring chapter after chapter of this charming book.  

May's work is extremely descriptive and she takes her reader on a journey from September to March, with stops along the way at Stonehenge, Iceland, a Swedish church, Norway and the coastal villages of England.  Here we meet reindeer, wolves, dormice, robins and bees, as well as St Lucy, the Cailleach, St Nicholas and a few ghosts.  Each chapter is a feast of various winter animals and events, seasonal changes, mental adjustments and the customs most of us follow blindly, because opting out would get us a bad reputation!  

Of course one must still do Christmas when one has a troubled child, a sick husband and a debilitating illness, but May shares her struggles with great humour as she tries to live up to society's expectations of doing it all, all the time.

Sometimes you need to rest and switch off and Wintering encourages just that.  I found that reading through the chapters had a very calming, soothing effect on the psyche, as my favourite season was laid out on the page before me, in all its icy beauty. The author nurtures her readers as well as herself as she writes.  While sharing her friend's story, for instance, May writes, 

"Nobody had ever said to me; you need to live a life you can cope with, not one that other people want. Just do one thing a day. No more than two social events in a week."  

When I read that passage, I felt a jolt of understanding and empathy.  How refreshing to be given permission to live the kind of life we can actually cope with?  How much would that reduce anxiety and stress? It puts things into perspective with such crystal clear clarity. It is certainly one of the most powerful messages of the book.

Wintering is a short book, but one that is packed full of all the best and brightest things that the winter season has to offer.  It will give you permission to enjoy keeping winter in a way that suits you and your needs. It will inspire you to welcome in the season with optimism and to take advantage of the extra hours of darkness to indulge in much needed slumber. 

In many ways, it reminded me of the works of Sarah Ban Breathnach and Cathy Rentzenbrink, so if you like their books you will probably enjoy Wintering too. Read it in one go, sitting by the fireside as I did, or indulge in a chapter a day to bring some much needed festive magic to your lunch break. However you choose to Winter this year, I wish you joy for the brightest dark season ahead!

Bright Blessings

Marie x

AD;  This book was sent to me by the publisher for review purposes. It is available to buy and download now. 

WISE WOMAN; Who Does She Think She Is?

 

Picture this scene.  You are having a night out with your friends or your partner.  You’re wearing a new outfit and your favourite shoes; you’ve recently had your hair done and you’ve finally found a foundation that makes your skin seem naturally flawless.  You’re enjoying yourself with your loved ones, having a few drinks and letting your hair down for a bit.  Then you hear it.  In a stage whisper, a nearby woman says to her friends as they all glare at you “Look at her. Who does she think she is?!”   

Maybe you know this person and maybe you don’t, but in an instant your confidence plummets and you feel self-conscious, which is exactly what she wanted you to feel.  Her poison arrow has hit the target – you – and suddenly the night isn’t as much fun as it was before.  You might try to smile your way through the rest of the evening or you might decide it’s time to go home or move on to another venue, but now your choices are coloured by someone else’s perception of you and that’s not okay.  You have the right to go out and enjoy yourself and to look great as you do so.

So what just happened?  In short, female envy has just reared its ugly head and spat in your pretty face in an effort to diminish you.  In psychotherapy we call this Female Relational Aggression and unfortunately it’s all too common.  It happens on nights out, in the workplace, in schools, colleges and universities, even in close friendships and between sisters.   Basically, female relational aggression happens wherever there are groups of women coexisting together and when Mean Girl types band together, they can wreak havoc and cause untold amounts of psychological damage to their victims.  Relational aggression can happen at any stage of life and no age group is immune to it, which is why elderly women are often so negative towards younger women.  It’s not just the generation gap that leads to misunderstandings, but relational aggression at work, amplified by the envy of youth, that is in play.

In practice it looks very similar to the Narcissistic Vendetta that we discussed in an earlier column, though relational aggression is more prevalent and has nothing to do with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  If, however a narcissist is involved, then the relational aggression is likely to be much worse and unrelenting.  Remember, there is no cure for narcissism and NPD.

So what do you do when confronted with relational aggression and why does it happen?  This tendency some women have to try and diminish other females comes from the natural competitiveness that is in our DNA, but while men compete overtly and openly, women compete covertly and in secret.  There is a traditional social standard which dictates that women shouldn’t appear too competitive as it is often regarded as being unfeminine and unladylike, yet we are still hard-wired to compete for a mate or to find the best resources for our children, which means that competition is inevitable.  So women compete with each other in secret, leading to accusations of being two-faced and underhand.

We’ve all done it at some point in our lives.  Think about it.  Have you ever felt envy towards a friend for her success, or beauty, or the things she owns?  Have you secretly tried to emulate that success in your own life, maybe by applying to work with the same company without her knowledge, or by copying her style?  Buying the same things, having similar hair-cuts and so on is a subtle form of relational aggression because your actions are saying “See. I’m just as good as you are!”   

Think about the film Black Swan where Nina, played by Natalie Portman, is stealing things from prima ballerina Beth, played by Winona Ryder, in an effort to be more like her idol.  Nina wants the magic she sees in Beth and she thinks that stealing Beth’s lipstick and so on, will help her to attain it.  This is relational aggression at work, because you just don’t steal from your friends and colleagues!  It is about Nina trying to even the playing field and bring herself up to Beth’s level by stealing her things.  

Now while most of us wouldn’t dream of stealing anything, we do frequently find ourselves buying the same things as our friends, particularly those friends that we admire the most and maybe envy a little.  Again, this is a way of leveling up with a woman we admire and/or envy, because the point of relational aggression is to try and equalize ourselves among other women.  And if you can’t level up – you tear her down instead.  That’s how relational aggression works.

Another example is that of a small group of women who are brought together through the friendship between their partners or husbands.  There is a subtle homogenization that takes place over time – similar haircuts, similar clothes, similar interests and so on. But more than this, these women will go out of their way to point out to their own husbands how similar the other women are to herself – her message being “Don’t even think about cheating on me with one of them because you won’t be getting anything different at all, so you might as well stick with me!”  And woe-betide the new woman who comes into the group, looking and acting completely different to the rest.  She will either have to conform to the look of the group, or risk being bullied and gossiped about in a relational aggressive campaign against her by the other women.  Frequently the men have no concept of what is going on and are baffled by this type of behaviour.

Becoming more aware of when we are acting aggressively towards another woman, either overtly or covertly, is the first step to ensuring that we don’t participate in this negative phenomenon.  You can always choose to walk away if relational aggression is going on around you, or you can make a stand for the victim and call out the instigators.   Notice when you begin to covet something another woman has, or when you begin to copy her.  There is nothing wrong with being inspired by other women, but copying everything someone has or does is a sign that envy is at play in your heart and that you are moving into relational aggression territory, so rein it in and find your own style instead.

Being on the receiving end of relational aggression can be a very traumatic experience and like the Narcissistic Vendetta, it can leave lasting scars.  Sadly, the closer the perpetrator the deeper the wounds, so if you have been betrayed by a sister or best friend due to her envy and covert aggression towards you, then the scars might last a lifetime.  Counselling can help you to work through this kind of trauma. 

For lesser instances of relational aggression, say in the workplace or at the gym, understanding where this behaviour has come from can sometimes be enough for it to no longer bother you. 

You might also choose to deal with it directly and in the moment, as I did. Some years ago, when I was working in the local village pub, I was enjoying a drink with my colleagues on my night off.  It was disco night and we were laughing, dancing and sharing a bit of banter, when a woman who had just come into the pub looked me up and down and said “Who does she think she is?”.  Quick as a flash I retorted “She thinks she works here, so if you come in on my shift, you’ll be thirsty!” I meant of course that she would not get served at the bar.  Sure enough, she left soon afterwards and took her spite elsewhere. It was no great loss.

When this kind of thing happens, remember that on some level, the woman who is targeting you, envies you.  You have inadvertently triggered her competitive instinct and she feels threatened by you.   Instead of getting upset, play a little game with yourself and look out for signs of her trying to level up with you – maybe she turns up to the gym in new gym gear, or has had hair extensions fitted to compete with your natural long locks.  See the signs and take it as a compliment.  If it gets very out of hand, you might need to confront her and point out the relational aggressive traits that she is indulging in.  Many women are unaware of this phenomenon – having it pointed out and explained to her in a polite manner and letting her know you are unaffected by her behaviour, should be enough to stop her in her tracks.  And if it isn’t, just do what Taylor Swift does and shake it off!  You are entitled to be your best, brightest and most talented, successful self, so never let anyone diminish your light.  Until next month,

Serene Blessings

Marie Bruce x

 

 

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Ant Middleton Tour - Finally!

 

New Tour Program

It's nearly midnight and I am just home from the long-postponed Ant Middleton Tour. I should have seen him last November, but it was put on hold due to the pandemic.  Tonight however, he was back in my home town and the seminar was certainly worth waiting for!  I've had the tickets since January 2020, so it's been a long time coming. 

It was fabulous to be in a theater space again and to see so many people enjoying the show.

Ant was very entertaining and funny, giving us all the gossip about his rift with Channel 4 and why he left the popular SAS UK show and took it to Australia instead.  I'll miss seeing him on my TV each autumn, but at least I can watch previous shows on demand. And I have the DVD of series one, which is my favourite.  

I do agree with him that the media has become far too pandering to political correctness and the various band wagons that have been doing the rounds in recent years. It makes for boring TV and is insulting to the causes the media is professing to support, not because it IS inclusive, but because it wants to be SEEN as being inclusive.  There is a significant difference.  

There is also the danger that if you shove something down the public's throat enough, it will have the opposite of the desired effect, leading only to even more tensions in society. Inclusivity has to be genuine to be effective.  

As always Ant was very out-spoken and eager to share his own opinions on the duplicity of the media! He is not without controversy.  He says exactly what he thinks and makes no apologies for that - but that's why I like him...he is a man after my own out-spoken heart!

I have all of his non-fiction books and tonight's tour has made me want to re-read them.  The tour program is also full of interesting tidbits about his life and his ambitions for the future. He has another new non-fiction book coming out soon and I can't wait to read that as well! 

Waiting for the show to begin

This is the second time I have been to see Ant Middleton. The first occasion was back in 2018, and I have enjoyed both his tours.  He is an entertaining speaker and he knows how to capture and hold the attention of an audience.  I have no doubt that he will continue touring for as long as people are happy to go and see him.  I would certainly go and see him again, and I'm going to pre-order his new book too.  He really is the best medicine, motivation and inspiration.  I highly recommend his work. 

I have had the best night out tonight, finally back in a theater, learning lots and laughing at all Ant's jokes.  I can't imagine a more positive way to spend a Saturday night on Bonfire weekend.

It's been a fantastic night out and I can fall asleep tonight all happy and motivated. 😀 

BB Marie x