BOOK NOOK: Catherine by Essie Fox

" 'He's not for you!' I exclaimed, just as a bird in a cage across the room began to trill. 'See that canary over there - I would no sooner set it free in the park this winter's day than suggest you spread your wings and fly away with such a man. You don't know him at all. He'd crush you like a sparrow's egg. He is the wolf to your lamb. He'd tear your throat out with his teeth and laugh to see you bleed to death.' " 

I have been saving this ARC like a future treasure. Catherine is a retelling of Wuthering Heights and so I wanted to wait to read it, until after I had seen the new movie. I knew that I would want to prolong the movie vibes, so I kept this book on standby ready. I did really enjoy the film, even though it only tells half the story of Emily Bronte's classic novel, and key characters are missing entirely. However, the 2026 film isn't meant to be a faithful adaptation of the original text, but more of a romantic spin-off.  

The original novel isn't a romance! It's meant to be a dark and twisted exploration of toxic relationships, prejudice, vengeance, generational abuse and trauma. Instead of sweet passion there is only obsession, instead of love there is only possession. That's not love or romance. It's abuse, as the abused becomes the abuser. As a character Heathcliff could be described as a sociopath at best, a psychopath at worst, so he is certainly not a romantic hero. He is a classic Byronic anti-hero. Recent woke agendas have declared Heathcliff to be of black origin. However, I studied the Bronte's work, including Wuthering Heights, at Oxford and the accepted academic theory is that Heathcliff was most likely to be of Romany-Irish traveller origin, hence why he is often referred to as a gypsy.

Whatever his origins, Heathcliff is a character that has captured the imagination for almost 200 years. I must confess though, that Wuthering Heights is not my favourite Bronte novel. It is emotionally heavy reading, it is full of suffering and there isn't one single likable character in the entire book! That said, it's not a book that you ever forget. Once you've read it, Emily's world stays with you in some deep, dark part of your psyche. Her original novel can be a bit of chore to read, as the author is deliberately setting out to confuse her readers with similar names for her characters, hints at a past that is never fully revealed or explained, suggestions of incest and the muddied lineage of the characters and inter-cousin relationships. Factor in the oblique Victorian language-style and well, it's messy, to say the least - although there will always be the ignorant romantic who waxes lyrical on how wonderful Heathcliff is and how romantic the novel is  - and they are perfectly free to die on that hill. 

But Wuthering Heights isn't a romance and it was never meant to be. 

It's meant to be dark and twisted.

So it was long past time that the old classic was given a makeover and that is exactly what Catherine is. In this book, the author, Essie Fox, stays very close to Emily Bronte's original text. Her plotlines run parallel with the Bronte classic that we all know, no characters are omitted and all the main events happen as per the original novel.  In this book though, it is the ghost of Catherine herself who is the narrator, rather than the outsider, Mr Lockwood. This gives the novel such a feeling of immediacy and authenticity that, at times, I forgot that I was reading a retelling.  It also helps to make the original Bronte novel much more accessible, as Catherine is well-written but without the extremely convoluted, labyrinthine language of the classic. Whilst all the indigenous twists and turns are still there, they are presented in a much more straight-forward and modern literary way, so the book is a pleasure to read. 

Here we get to know Cathy from her own perspective, rather than through the eyes of the often spiteful Nelly Dean of the classic. It is Cathy who speaks to us of her childhood, of her beloved moors and the vastness of nature that becomes her church, of her relationships and her ever-growing feelings for Heathcliff. We witness her wrestling with her conscience as she tries to be a good influence on her foundling friend, but only ends up having tantrums of her own. We feel the freedom of the moors through her experiences and what a blissful escape from trauma and abuse it was to both her and Heathcliff, and how this shared escape to freedom solidified their emotional bond.  She is still the wilful Cathy that we know and love, yet her voice has softened slightly, as she recounts her story with the benefit of ghostly hindsight.  In this novel, we are Cathy, just as Cathy is Heathcliff!

This POV and first person narrative makes it feel as if you are right at the heart of the story, in a way in which the original novel does not, because Bronte's intention was for the reader to experience the feeling of being the outsider, someone who is always looking in, but never quite included, much as Heathcliff was an outcast. In Catherine, the reader is very much included in the story and so you get to witness it unfold first-hand,  one tragic piece of the puzzle at a time.  

Catherine has been a fantastic read and I ripped through it in just a couple of days. It's a very pretty book, with cover art reminiscent of the Bronte Parsonage in Yorkshire, the home of the Bronte sisters. It also has beautiful end pages and sprayed edges with an avian, corvid theme. If you are a Bronte fan then you will probably enjoy this retelling of Wuthering Heights. It is just the thing to prolong the highly-romanticised Heathcliff vibes from the new movie, which is a must-see as it is such a beautiful and picturesque film. 

However, if you're looking for a film that adheres to the original Bronte text, I recommend the 1992 version with Ralph Fiennes and Juliette Binoche, which is fabulous and appropriately dark and twisted! 

In the meantime, I'm off to play the new Wuthering Heights soundtrack from the latest movie and make plans for a day out on the Yorkshire Moors. Happy reading.

Serene Blessings

Marie x

AD: This book was sent to me by the publisher prior to its release for the purposes of review. It was published on February 12th in hardcover, digital and audio formats. 

 

ONCE UPON A DREAM: Valentine's Elven Love Spell

 If Cupid didn't bring you any Valentines this morning, fear not.

Here is one from a beautiful Elven Prince.

No mortal man could ever compete...

Because life has taught me that fantasy is far better than reality.

Happy Valentine's Day

xxx

BOOK NOOK : Uncharmed by Lucy Jane Wood

" 'Absolutely not. No glitter,' Hal said. He looked accusatorially at Annie. 'If your magic is anything to go by, that damn stuff will get absolutely everywhere and I'll never see the end of it. I've already noticed yours, hanging everywhere around the place.'

'You don't like it?' Annie said, genuinely baffled. As a firm believer in extra sparkle at all times, she had tinkered with her own magic to ensure the glitter lingered a little longer than the average. "

I love reading witchy novels but sometimes those with a slant of history can be a little dark, even a touch depressing. So I was delighted when Pan Macmillan sent me an ARC of this book back in the autumn. Uncharmed is a cosy, witchy fantasy with a hint of romance and magic galore. In this world, witchcraft is hidden but not forbidden and there is no mention of the historical witch hunts of the past. It's a very light hearted and immensely fun read. 

I hadn't read this author before so her work is a new discovery to me and I have to say that I loved Uncharmed right from the opening lines of the very first page. It tells the story of Andromeda Wildwood, or Annie, who runs a beautiful bakery in London, whipping up enchanted pastries and cakes for her unsuspecting customers. She lives in a self-designed world of pure femininity, where everything is pink and pretty, including her bakery and the cakes she creates. Imagine if the Charmed Ones ran a magical branch of Peggy Porschen - that's the vibe of this book. It has echoes of the Joanne Harris novel Chocolat but with way more magic involved. 

I really liked the characters in this novel.  Annie is a lot like Elle Woods from the Legally Blonde films and I kept picturing Reese Witherspoon in my mind as I was reading. However, Annie takes perfectionism to a whole new magical level, making Mary Poppins seem like an underachiever! Everything in her life is spot-on and flawless, but as her perfectionism is a trauma response to the loss of her parents, she has a deep seated feeling of being unworthy and not good enough and so she has fallen into the classic trap of becoming a people pleaser. She takes on far too much, running her bakery, offering emotional support to her customers, helping out with her coven and going on blind dates she doesn't want, all because she's too afraid to say no to anyone. She doesn't want to disappoint people. 

So when her coven leader asks her to take on the training of an unschooled teenage witch who has recently come into her powers, Annie feels compelled to say yes, even though she has little time to spare. And that's where all the trouble begins, for young Maeve is in no mood to be trained, least of all by a version of Pink-Witch-Barbie and her wooden spoon! She wants to learn from her own instincts and her love of books, not from a mentor in perfection. Annie has her work cut out and following a particularly disastrous false start, she and Maeve are sent away to a ramshackle cottage in the woods, lost in the middle of nowhere, where the magic lessons can do no further harm.  Cue magical house-makeover montage - fabulous! Very Nicole Kidman in Bewitched. 

This is a novel that explores the true meaning of family, of home, of love and what it means to be a good friend - with a clear depiction of false friendships too by way of comparison. The romance is light and slow burning, there is a hilarious bad day when the magic has lapsed, plus some epic magical battle scenes. In short, it has everything you could wish for from a cosy, witchy fantasy novel.

Uncharmed is a lovely stand-alone story. The vanilla fragranced magic shimmers across the page in a stream of pink glitter and its just so visual in its descriptive passages that it would make a wonderful movie. There is tons of magic in this one - rival covens, some adorable familiars and a few comical mistakes. There were parts of the book that made me laugh out loud, especially the meet-cute with Hal and the bickering relationship that develops between Annie and Maeve. With echoes of Disney's Fantasia and the classic fairytale Snow White, its easy to see where the author found her inspiration, yet she has somehow managed to transform these echoes into something that is entirely her own and altogether charming.  It's a fairytale as much as a witchy novel and it will make your mouth water for Annie's deliciously enchanted pastries. 

If, like me, you believe that everything can be improved with a little bit of shimmer, and if you are a pink witch with a sweet tooth, then you will love this sparkling, brilliant book. But make sure you have a few sweet treats on hand because you will crave a sugar-rush as you read this delightful confection of a novel. Enjoy!

Serene Blessings

Marie x

AD: This novel was sent to me by the publisher Pan Macmillan for the purposes of review. It is available now in hardcover, digital and audio formats. 

BOOK NOOK: The Undoing of Violet Claybourne

 "The snow was soft and powdery and made a satisfying squeaky crunch beneath our feet. The air was clean and brittle. When we reached the small copse, I turned around and drew a breath. Against the white ground and pale grey sky, Thornleigh looked magnificent. With its turrets and jagged edges it appeared like a thorny weed sprung miraculously from the frozen ground. Yet, there was also something foreboding about the way it sat, up there on the mount, watching over us."

The Undoing of Violet Claybourne has been on my shelf for a while now, waiting for when I had time and space to read it.  It is a galloping Gothic novel and I devoured it in two days. I have read lots of Gothic novels as a reviewer, but this one is a real page turner and it kept me gripped throughout. There isn't a single slow moment - the action keeps moving along at a great pace and at times it left me breathless, almost panicked, so authentic is the writing. 

It tells the story of three sisters and Gillian, who is the friend of the youngest sister and the main protagonist. The Claybourne sisters, Emmeline, Laura and young Violet, are from a very affluent family, living on a large country estate. The story begins in the years leading up to the outbreak of the Second World War, when Violet arrives at Heathcomb Boarding School for Girls and becomes Gillian's roommate. To begin with, the novel has quite strong Dark Academia vibes. 

Right from the start Gilly is captivated by Violet and her daredevil, rebellious ways and the two soon become firm friends. Until Violet came along, Gilly was rather a loner, ignored by her father, who is her only surviving parent, and frequently left with an aging aunt for the school holidays. So when Violet invites Gillian to spend the Christmas holidays at her home, Thornleigh Hall, Gilly is delighted to accept. 

Upon arrival she is soon swept away by the grandeur of the estate, where one is expected to dress for dinner each evening, expensive shopping trips are put 'on account' and where lavish balls are planned for the festive period. It is a place where the elites thrive, a place of hunting, shooting and fishing on the lake and Gillian soaks it all up. She is especially enthralled by Violet's glamourous older sisters - Emmeline, the sophisticated and studious eldest sister who is an Oxford student, and Laura, the fun-loving, jazz-playing middle sister who has quite a Flapper-esque feel about her reminiscent of the roaring twenties, rather than the 1930s. Gillian is full of admiration for both the older girls and the exciting lives that they lead, studying, hunting, shopping, drinking and dancing. 

She is seduced by the appearance of generational wealth, the routines of the household, for instance, having tea in the library by a huge open fire, the talk of coming out balls, handsome suitors and engagements, and the prospect of participating in the Christmas festivities at such a grand home as Thornleigh Hall. She is desperate to be included, accepted and welcomed as some sort of adopted sister, and she is willing to do whatever it takes to win the approval of the sisters, especially Emmeline. 

However, things take a turn for the worse when events during the Boxing Day Hunt go terribly awry, sealing the four young women in a relationship that they could never have predicted and can't escape. From then on the novel gets increasingly darker and the Gothic tropes are deployed thick and fast - secrets, lies, madness, incarceration, scapegoats, power and control. The novel simply strides along, following the four women from their last youthful and disastrous Christmas, right up until they are  old ladies in their seventies, but the pacing never slows down. There are some fantastic red herrings and brilliant twists in the tale that I never saw coming! 

In some ways this book reminded me of Daphne du Maurier's Rebecca, or maybe the first book in the S.T.A.G.S series by M A Bennet, because it has that same theme of a poor young woman seduced by the affluence and wealth of the elite class, so if you like either of those books then you will probably enjoy The Undoing of Violet Claybourne too.  It is certainly a very harrowing read at times and it made me feel very glad that I have never had any sisters, because the sisterly bonds in this book are torturous! It is an excellent psychological thriller, set in an affluent world of privilege, all with serious Gothic undertones.  Enjoy!

Serene Blessings

Marie x

AD: This book was sent to me by the publisher, Bonnier Books, for the purposes of review. It is available now in all formats. 

ONCE UPON A DREAM: I'm Back at Oxford!

 

I wasn't planning on returning to university. I finished my year of studying at Oxford University in December 2024, which marked the end of ten years of studying. I received the news that I had passed the course in January 2025 and I thought that was that. I thought that I was done with my studies. I'd already achieved all that I had wanted to achieve academically and I was happy to just take that knowledge forward and get on with my life.  Although I felt a slight touch of fomo back in September when all the back-to-uni vibes were buzzing, I personally had no intention of jumping back into it at all.

However, as soon as I realised that some people were irritated by my academic achievements, I felt like they were waving a red rag to a bull.  My rebellious Bruce heart was roused and I immediately applied to another university course! I was accepted back in October 2025 and duly paid my course fees. There's no denying I did it for devilment. I did it to prove a point. The point being, no-one puts limits on what I can achieve. No-one tells me what I can and can't do. I decide those things for myself. Its called autonomy and I'm actually rather good at it! Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

I also really enjoy studying. I love the scholarly life, the lectures, the study groups, the common room chit-chat and so on. To a certain degree, I even quite enjoy writing essays - not because they are enjoyable, but because I like to see for myself how much learning I have absorbed and what kind of sense I can make of it. This reputation for having a scholarly approach has also brought in additional writing opportunities that I might not have received otherwise, so studying has been great for my work as a writer.

The thing about studying at university level is that -  its like a game. The tutors, whilst very supportive and lovely, will push you and stretch you to see if you break under pressure. Academics has its own language and you will not be given a glossary of terms or a crib sheet to explain it all. You are expected to learn the language under your own initiative.  You are expected to come to lectures with a reasonable foundation of scholastic learning to begin with. If you don't already have that in place, its your job to do the ground work, and do it quickly! That's why peer support and study groups are so useful, because you can learn from other one another. If you have been out of education for some time, university can be very intimidating, but it is meant to be, especially at somewhere like Oxford, which has its own rep to protect. The onus is on the student to bring themselves up to par. 

When I first began studying the psychotherapy course back in autumn 2013, I realised that I didn't have a full understanding of the academic lingo. I didn't have an A-level, only my GCSEs, and I was jumping straight in at university level. That was a significant academic gap for me to bridge. I loved books, but I had to learn how to do more detailed close-reading of texts, breaking them apart, finding the key structure and thesis, formulating my own argument and using the text as simply a jumping off point for my own hypotheses. I knew how to meet a deadline, but academic research was quite new to me and not something I had done very much of in the past. It was quite a learning curve, but one that I enjoyed immensely. I studied the art of studying, alongside my actual course studies, learning what makes a great essay, what pitfalls to watch out for, how to construct an argument and so on. None of these things were taught in class by our tutors. They were things I taught myself through self-study outside of the lecture hall.   

I turned the whole thing into a game, competing not against my fellow students, but against myself, to see how clever I could become, how learned I could make myself feel. And that is where the buzz of academics kicked in - because there is a buzz to developing your own intellect and to leaving a class, a lecture or a course, a bit smarter than you were when you started. I learnt that I was clever, but I had to work hard for that knowledge, pushing through impostor syndrome, fear of failure and inadequacy until I slowly began to trust my own intelligence.  I loved that my mind was being stretched and the feeling of neuroplasticity that gave me. The academic buzz was strong!

So the idea of returning to university to do another course wasn't distasteful to me, and like I said, I had a point to prove! I do what I want, I achieve what I want and if people don't like me for it that's just tough. I'm always going to press ahead - its in the Bruce blood. 

I began my current course with Oxford a few weeks ago, at the start of Hilary term and it will continue until early summer. Its a topic that has fascinated me for many, many years and I am enjoying studying the subject academically.  There are, of course, more essays to write and presentations to give, but for the most part I am excited by the course rather than apprehensive about it. Having spent the whole of 2024 studying at Oxford, I know what to expect, so I feel that I am well prepared and I have a firm grounding in how Oxford University works, what the Professors expect etc. The subject is one close to my heart and it's making me rethink what I thought I knew about it, which is always a good thing. I have lectures a couple of times a week, plus study group and common room,  and our Professors are lovely. It can be a little dry at times, but that's Oxford for you! Its just all part of the academic sphere.

My first formative essay is due in mid-February so I am currently in the note-taking phase of planning that out. It is rather fun and I get to be a scholar all over again, which is nice. I do think though, that having been a university student for over a decade, across various courses and subjects, that I will always be a scholar now. It's how I have programmed my mind to work and that is no bad thing. Plus its really good for my writing career which is an added bonus. 

Until next time, Dominus illuminatio mea.

Serene Blessings

Marie x

 

BOOK NOOK: Boleyn Traitor by Philippa Gregory

 'She has a pretty face,' I say simply. 'But it's not a false face. And he's seen nothing but false faces and painted smiles for all his life. D'you think he wants an honest woman now? Does any man want an honest woman as his wife? Don't you all prefer liars?'

I have just finished reading Boleyn Traitor by Philippa Gregory and I feel quite moved by it. I have read all of Gregory's Tudor Court and Cousins War novels and I love how immersive they are. The writing is so rich and full of tiny little details about daily life in the Tudor court, that you feel as if you are a part of that world.  This novel is just as strong, throwing you into the story in the midst of Anne Boleyn's fateful marriage to King Henry VIII and leading you through the fates of his next three successive wives. 

I have no liking for Henry VIII. He was a terrible abuser of women, even by the standards of his own time. He was a despotic, misogynistic individual who ruled on a whim and was prone to childish tantrums. Like many overindulged spoilt brats, he only got worse as time went on, keeping his wives in a perpetual state of anxiety, insecurity, panic and fear for their lives. There is no doubt that he was a highly abusive husband who treated all of his wives appallingly, lining up the next wife before he'd even dispatched the previous one! Disgusting man! He was a real-life Bluebeard, murdering wives and quickly seeking out another, by way of replacement.

In this novel however, we follow the story of a woman who oversaw the Queen's Rooms throughout these tumultuous events. Jane Boleyn was Anne Boleyn's sister-in-law, wife to George Boleyn, and the women who managed to keep her head when they did not.  Indeed, Jane is a staple of the Queen's Rooms, keeping everything running smoothly despite the upheaval of having to welcome one wife after another. She is the Chief Lady in Waiting to the Queen - any queen, whoever the king's itch of the moment happens to be. Her allegiance is to the Crown, to herself and her patron, Thomas Cromwell. In short, Jane is a spy, using her place among the queen's ladies to glean information and pass it back to Lord Cromwell.

As such she is a rather duplicitous character and while I wouldn't say that I liked her, I did find myself having some empathy for her, especially towards the end.  You know you are reading a great author when you dislike a character but still find yourself sympathising with them. It is one of the signifiers of excellent writing. 

As first one queen and then another falls and is dispatched, Jane is on hand to usher in the new queen and to serve her as a friend and advisor. The problem is that Jane is a false friend and a bad advisor, her judgement being skewed by her own personal ambition. She is clever, but perhaps not quite as clever as she thinks she is. There is more than a touch of hubris about her and she is prideful because she is very book-learned and she can speak Latin and Greek with the powerful men of court.  Jane convinces herself that while the queens might be disposable, she is indispensable.  

I found this novel to be very chilling in places. There are scenes that depict the smooth running of the court, the Queen's Rooms especially, which go on in the same routine, regardless of who is the current queen, regardless of the current religion which oscillates between Catholicism and Protestantism and back again. Nothing else ever changes here, except the woman who wears the crown and her position is always precarious. There is no mourning when one queen is disposed of and another comes in to take her place.  There is no change in the routine, no change in the wardrobe - the new queen is expected to wear the jewels and attire of all the former queens with a smile of gratitude on her face. I'm surprised they even changed the bed sheets! Its all so cold, so cruel and unfeeling, like Henry himself is. There is an undercurrent of fear and distrust throughout the book, for how can a man who so easily switches from one wife to the next ever be trusted? He can't. His word is false, his temper is short and his love is only for himself. Sadly there are still men like that around today, who seem just as quick to trade in one wife for another.

Jane has to try and navigate all this, while passing information back to her mentor, Cromwell, and keeping herself as safe as possible in the treacherously unsafe world that is King Henry's court.  Jane Boleyn has been much maligned throughout history, often depicted as the original nosy Parker (her maiden name) and shown to be vindictive and vengeful. In Boleyn Traitor however, she is treated with far more sympathy than she is in say, Emily Purdy's The Tudor Wife, which holds fast to the propaganda of Jane as a spiteful, spurned wife. This is what I love about Philippa Gregory's work - she does her research thoroughly enough to be able to turn such propaganda on its head, presenting historical women in a more nuanced and multi-dimensional way, and while I did enjoy Purdy's novel, I prefer this one and the Jane Boleyn that Gregory portrays. Both novels are cracking reads, particularly if you enjoy Tudor court fiction.

I especially liked the way in which the court masques are used as a metaphor for the duplicity of the community and of the king. In Henry's court, everyone must wear a mask in order to survive and his love of play-acting and mumming is legendary. Gregory uses this historical detail as a plot device to great effect. There is also the significance of May Day and what it meant within Henry's court - the contrast between the seasonal merry-making and the betrayals that were playing out in the midst of all the revelry is truly shocking, as well-loved companions of the king ride away smiling, only to discover that favour has turned against them. This is masterful storytelling and I will never see May Day in quite the same way again!

As the novel progresses the tension increases and I had a growing sense of dread as I turned the pages. Even though I already knew how Jane's story ended, it didn't soften the blow when her luck eventually runs out. Of course her luck would run out - she was a woman, after all, and Henry really didn't like women. Her fate was in part self-inflicted, but I do believe that she would have suffered either way, by virtue of her being a women in the court of a misogynist king, as all the queens that she served suffered before her. It is impossible not to be moved by her story as she tried her best to survive in impossibly dangerous circumstances. 

Boleyn Traitor is a fantastic historical novel and it has kept me gripped late into the night. And just look at that cover! It is both beautiful and horrific - just as King Henry's court would have been. Enjoy the intrigues of this spectacular novel - and whatever you do, don't let your mask slip - you never know who might be watching...

Serene Blessings

Marie x

AD: Boleyn Traitor by Philippa Gregory is published by HarperCollins and is out now in hardcover, digital and audio formats. 

ONCE UPON A DREAM: Quiet Ambition

 

"Ambition is not a vice of little people."

Michel de Montaigne

I have often been ridiculed for my ambition. When I worked at the vets my success as a writer was smirked at and quickly dismissed by some of my colleagues as no more than a pipedream, something that would never happen. I remember the day when they all gathered around a computer and one of them Googled my name. I distinctly recall the silent shock that followed when all my traditionally published books appeared on Amazon and Waterstones websites and it became clear to them that I was already a highly successful author! This was no pipe dream - this was my life's work - and it was staring them in the face in black and white. I drove the point home by repeating that the vets was simply a student job to me while I completed my Masters Degree and that I would return to working from home and writing books again as soon as I had the Master of Arts under my belt.  Their attitude seemed to be that I should be content to be a receptionist, that I was very lucky to be working there doing twelve to fourteen hour days for minimum wage. 

This attitude continued even after I left the vet hospital to write new books for my current publisher, with one of my former veterinary colleagues using Facebook to remind me that working at the vet hospital had been my bread and butter and that I should never forget that fact, the implication being that it should completely define who I am as a person. As if! I rolled my eyes and pointed out once again, that it had only ever been a student job, that my real job was in publishing and always had been. It just goes to show though that there will always be those crabs in a bucket who try to pull you down, no matter what you do. 

Ambition is often viewed as a dangerous thing, something to be nipped in the bud and discouraged at all costs. While ambition that over-reaches talent is a bit conceited, unless steps are being taken to improve that talent with training and education; and while it can certainly be very dangerous when top jobs are given to self-serving individuals whose personal ambition outweighs the greater good of all, say for instance a President or a Prime Minister; in general I believe that ambition is a very good thing and we should be encouraging it, especially in young people. We should also encourage ambition in older people too, helping them to grow and develop and reach their full potential, because what you were born to is not necessarily the same as what you are meant for.  Growth is a natural aspect of life and it should be nurtured. 

I have always been quietly ambitious. By this I mean that I tend to keep a lot to myself. This is partially because I am a Scorpio and Scorpios are naturally very private, some might even say secretive. I have a very rich internal life that no-one knows anything about. I know what I am hoping to achieve, I know who my network consists of, I know what I want to do with my time and the kind of legacy I want to leave behind. I just don't talk about it. I keep it to myself and I quietly take the gentle steps I need to take in order to give myself the best chance of achieving those goals.  While I have never been interested in the red carpet lifestyle and I am definitely not dazzled by wealth, I still have my own sense of quiet, gentle ambition. I am interested in a much softer form of success, one that better suits my personality as an introvert and a woman who is bookish and cobwebby! I just keep it to myself. 

As an example, when I was a student of psychotherapy, everyone made the assumption that I wanted to work in the field as a counsellor, but that was never my plan. My ambition was to qualify, specifically so that I could add another string to my writing bow in the form of psychology writing, and I have achieved that goal. I now write psychology books under my first name, Jacqueline Bruce. Goal achieved. I allowed people to keep their assumptions. I didn't correct anyone or tell them my real plans. I just stuck with five years of training, qualified and then set about writing and publishing psychology books. As a result, while most of my fellow students have since bemoaned the fact that there are no paid jobs for counsellors and they are expected to work for free, I have been generating an income from writing about psychotherapy and helping people via my books, and occasionally in private practice where I have more control over the type of clients I work with. 

This is how quiet ambition works. It isn't loud. It isn't brash and boastful. It just sets the goal and then moves in silence to achieve it. Often the first anyone hears of it is after the goal has already been achieved. Once its a done deal, it is up for discussion, but not before. I find that this is the best way to focus on something, because there are no external opinions and distractions to contend with. As I said earlier, some people will go out of their way to try and tear you down, so by keeping your plans to yourself, you give them no opportunity to do so. By the time they hear of your ambitions, it should already be a goal achieved. 

I have also been berated for my success. In the past I have been accused of making things look easy, be this equestrianism, ice-skating, publishing, academics etc and I would say that this is the only downside to quiet ambition. Because if you are not talking about your goals, then you are also keeping your struggles to yourself. No-one will see the labour and consistent effort you put in, they will only see the triumph, in the same way that people see the swan gliding effortlessly on the water and fail to recognise the hard work that is going on beneath the surface as the swan's feet work like pistons in a factory! Some people only want to see the glide, the beauty, the grace. Smart people look beneath the surface to see how much work is actually involved! 

If people are not smart enough to look closely, they can quickly find themselves out of their depth as they suddenly realise that actually, its not that easy. It's bloody hard work! Such people might also blame you for the difficulty they are having in trying to achieve the same goals or enjoy the same hobbies as you, but that's on them. They obviously have a lot of personal growth to do. However, this is something I have had to deal with time and time again. It has proved to be the end of friendships and acquaintances,  as people try to emulate my achievements, only to discover through personal experience just how hard I had to work to achieve them! Nothing has just come to me. I have worked hard for everything I do, be that horse-riding, ice-skating, publishing my books or succeeding academically at university and post-graduate level. I'm just a very determined and driven person. I don't give up easily and I feel the need to press ahead. Achievement makes me happy. 

I think the reason behind such chagrin is that people mistake the sting of competition for a genuine ambition. They might be inspired to try and achieve a similar goal to me, or even the exact same one, but if they allow themselves to start seeing me and my achievements as their personal competition, someone to beat, to outshine, to outsmart, then they are only doing themselves a disservice. They are taking inspiration and transforming it into a form of toxic competition between me and them. But it isn't a competition, and for the most part I have no idea that they are feeling this type of way about my achievements until they start bitching at me about it! Then it becomes clear that they are feeling competitive towards me, convincing themselves that I've had such an easy ride, while they are having to work so hard for the same goal. Its the world's smallest violin! Because I didn't have an easy ride. I just kept the moments of struggle to myself. I chose to share only the triumph of the victory. But that doesn't mean that I didn't work hard for it. I did. 

Competition can quickly become very toxic. It can eat you up inside, leading to jealousy and envy, possibly even sabotage and disagreements. It can end relationships and friendships. It can lead to family feuds and sibling squabbles. Ambition should be nurtured and encouraged, yes, but if you are feeling overly competitive towards someone you claim to care about, you need to nip that toxic competition in the bud before it destroy your relationship with that person. Telling yourself that everything came so easily to them is a clear indication that toxic competition is in play and you are now seeing them as a rival, rather than a friend. 

Personally, I only ever compete against myself. I want to do better than I have done before. I want to beat my own achievements, so I'm not really focussing on what anyone else might be doing. I'm too busy living my own life and achieving my own goals, by myself, for myself. No competition required. I am the only competition I need to think about. How can I be better, do better, achieve more than I have before? How can I keep growing, keep expanding, keep challenging myself, even in small and gentle ways?  Where is my ambition taking me and is that the direction I want my life to go? Is it time to let the fire-horse of ambition have a free head or do I need to rein it in a little? What do I want my next achievement to be, and the next, and the next? Where does my personal Victory lie and what must I do to fight for it and attain it? How can I schedule in some positive rest? What does the space between achievements look like for me? What will I do, how will I recover from the labour of a big goal achieved? How can I learnt to fly peacefully and serenely, soaring through the clouds like a dove?

This is quiet ambition in action. Move in silence. Keep things to yourself. Don't mistake the sting of competition for a genuine ambition. Schedule recovery time. Compete only against yourself and know where and what your personal victory point is. Most of all, remember than successful people in any field have worked very hard to achieve their success. If that triggers you, you need to do some personal growth work and self-reflection to discover why.  

People will not stop succeeding and growing just because it makes you feel uncomfortable or threatened in some way. 

And I certainly won't! 

I'll use your chagrin as fuel to achieve even more! Thanks for the motivation. 

Serene Blessings

Marie x