"Ambition is not a vice of little people."
Michel de Montaigne
I have often been ridiculed for my ambition. When I worked at the vets my success as a writer was smirked at and quickly dismissed by some of my colleagues as no more than a pipedream, something that would never happen. I remember the day when they all gathered around a computer and one of them Googled my name. I distinctly recall the silent shock that followed when all my traditionally published books appeared on Amazon and Waterstones websites and it became clear to them that I was already a highly successful author! This was no pipe dream - this was my life's work - and it was staring them in the face in black and white. I drove the point home by repeating that the vets was simply a student job to me while I completed my Masters Degree and that I would return to working from home and writing books again as soon as I had the Master of Arts under my belt. Their attitude seemed to be that I should be content to be a receptionist, that I was very lucky to be working there doing twelve to fourteen hour days for minimum wage.
This attitude continued even after I left the vet hospital to write new books for my current publisher, with one of my former veterinary colleagues using Facebook to remind me that working at the vet hospital had been my bread and butter and that I should never forget that fact, the implication being that it should completely define who I am as a person. As if! I rolled my eyes and pointed out once again, that it had only ever been a student job, that my real job was in publishing and always had been. It just goes to show though that there will always be those crabs in a bucket who try to pull you down, no matter what you do.
Ambition is often viewed as a dangerous thing, something to be nipped in the bud and discouraged at all costs. While ambition that over-reaches talent is a bit conceited, unless steps are being taken to improve that talent with training and education; and while it can certainly be very dangerous when top jobs are given to self-serving individuals whose personal ambition outweighs the greater good of all, say for instance a President or a Prime Minister; in general I believe that ambition is a very good thing and we should be encouraging it, especially in young people. We should also encourage ambition in older people too, helping them to grow and develop and reach their full potential, because what you were born to is not necessarily the same as what you are meant for. Growth is a natural aspect of life and it should be nurtured.
I have always been quietly ambitious. By this I mean that I tend to keep a lot to myself. This is partially because I am a Scorpio and Scorpios are naturally very private, some might even say secretive. I have a very rich internal life that no-one knows anything about. I know what I am hoping to achieve, I know who my network consists of, I know what I want to do with my time and the kind of legacy I want to leave behind. I just don't talk about it. I keep it to myself and I quietly take the gentle steps I need to take in order to give myself the best chance of achieving those goals. While I have never been interested in the red carpet lifestyle and I am definitely not dazzled by wealth, I still have my own sense of quiet, gentle ambition. I am interested in a much softer form of success, one that better suits my personality as an introvert and a woman who is bookish and cobwebby! I just keep it to myself.
As an example, when I was a student of psychotherapy, everyone made the assumption that I wanted to work in the field as a counsellor, but that was never my plan. My ambition was to qualify, specifically so that I could add another string to my writing bow in the form of psychology writing, and I have achieved that goal. I now write psychology books under my first name, Jacqueline Bruce. Goal achieved. I allowed people to keep their assumptions. I didn't correct anyone or tell them my real plans. I just stuck with five years of training, qualified and then set about writing and publishing psychology books. As a result, while most of my fellow students have since bemoaned the fact that there are no paid jobs for counsellors and they are expected to work for free, I have been generating an income from writing about psychotherapy and helping people via my books, and occasionally in private practice where I have more control over the type of clients I work with.
This is how quiet ambition works. It isn't loud. It isn't brash and boastful. It just sets the goal and then moves in silence to achieve it. Often the first anyone hears of it is after the goal has already been achieved. Once its a done deal, it is up for discussion, but not before. I find that this is the best way to focus on something, because there are no external opinions and distractions to contend with. As I said earlier, some people will go out of their way to try and tear you down, so by keeping your plans to yourself, you give them no opportunity to do so. By the time they hear of your ambitions, it should already be a goal achieved.
I have also been berated for my success. In the past I have been accused of making things look easy, be this equestrianism, ice-skating, publishing, academics etc and I would say that this is the only downside to quiet ambition. Because if you are not talking about your goals, then you are also keeping your struggles to yourself. No-one will see the labour and consistent effort you put in, they will only see the triumph, in the same way that people see the swan gliding effortlessly on the water and fail to recognise the hard work that is going on beneath the surface as the swan's feet work like pistons in a factory! Some people only want to see the glide, the beauty, the grace. Smart people look beneath the surface to see how much work is actually involved!
If people are not smart enough to look closely, they can quickly find themselves out of their depth as they suddenly realise that actually, its not that easy. It's bloody hard work! Such people might also blame you for the difficulty they are having in trying to achieve the same goals or enjoy the same hobbies as you, but that's on them. They obviously have a lot of personal growth to do. However, this is something I have had to deal with time and time again. It has proved to be the end of friendships and acquaintances, as people try to emulate my achievements, only to discover through personal experience just how hard I had to work to achieve them! Nothing has just come to me. I have worked hard for everything I do, be that horse-riding, ice-skating, publishing my books or succeeding academically at university and post-graduate level. I'm just a very determined and driven person. I don't give up easily and I feel the need to press ahead. Achievement makes me happy.
I think the reason behind such chagrin is that people mistake the sting of competition for a genuine ambition. They might be inspired to try and achieve a similar goal to me, or even the exact same one, but if they allow themselves to start seeing me and my achievements as their personal competition, someone to beat, to outshine, to outsmart, then they are only doing themselves a disservice. They are taking inspiration and transforming it into a form of toxic competition between me and them. But it isn't a competition, and for the most part I have no idea that they are feeling this type of way about my achievements until they start bitching at me about it! Then it becomes clear that they are feeling competitive towards me, convincing themselves that I've had such an easy ride, while they are having to work so hard for the same goal. Its the world's smallest violin! Because I didn't have an easy ride. I just kept the moments of struggle to myself. I chose to share only the triumph of the victory. But that doesn't mean that I didn't work hard for it. I did.
Competition can quickly become very toxic. It can eat you up inside, leading to jealousy and envy, possibly even sabotage and disagreements. It can end relationships and friendships. It can lead to family feuds and sibling squabbles. Ambition should be nurtured and encouraged, yes, but if you are feeling overly competitive towards someone you claim to care about, you need to nip that toxic competition in the bud before it destroy your relationship with that person. Telling yourself that everything came so easily to them is a clear indication that toxic competition is in play and you are now seeing them as a rival, rather than a friend.
Personally, I only ever compete against myself. I want to do better than I have done before. I want to beat my own achievements, so I'm not really focussing on what anyone else might be doing. I'm too busy living my own life and achieving my own goals, by myself, for myself. No competition required. I am the only competition I need to think about. How can I be better, do better, achieve more than I have before? How can I keep growing, keep expanding, keep challenging myself, even in small and gentle ways? Where is my ambition taking me and is that the direction I want my life to go? Is it time to let the fire-horse of ambition have a free head or do I need to rein it in a little? What do I want my next achievement to be, and the next, and the next? Where does my personal Victory lie and what must I do to fight for it and attain it? How can I schedule in some positive rest? What does the space between achievements look like for me? What will I do, how will I recover from the labour of a big goal achieved? How can I learnt to fly peacefully and serenely, soaring through the clouds like a dove?
This is quiet ambition in action. Move in silence. Keep things to yourself. Don't mistake the sting of competition for a genuine ambition. Schedule recovery time. Compete only against yourself and know where and what your personal victory point is. Most of all, remember than successful people in any field have worked very hard to achieve their success. If that triggers you, you need to do some personal growth work and self-reflection to discover why.
People will not stop succeeding and growing just because it makes you feel uncomfortable or threatened in some way.
And I certainly won't!
I'll use your chagrin as fuel to achieve even more! Thanks for the motivation.
Serene Blessings
Marie x
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