It's late on Christmas night and like many people, I am feeling extremely grateful and rather full of too much food and festive cheer! I've had a lovely Christmas so far, going out to dinner again with my mother. I really think that dining out will become our annual Christmas lunch tradition because its so much easier - all you have to do is enjoy the food that has been prepared for you and there's no washing up afterwards! We went out last year for Christmas lunch as well, so it seems to be our new tradition - just book a table and enjoy Christmas dinner out somewhere lovely. This year we were seated by the fireplace which added to the cosy festive atmosphere, as we pulled crackers to the crackle of the logs.
I was lucky enough to receive some very lovely presents from friends, family and neighbours, including books, gold foiled tarot cards (they are stunning!), a pink Glinda/Wicked vanity case for my Flower Knows makeup, jewelry, lots of cosmetics and girly bits and bobs, Kylie's new album on limited edition yellow vinyl and of course, the obligatory pink nightie and some baby blue slippers. Is is really Christmas without new slippers?
My favorite gifts this year included a very elaborate ballerina snow globe, shaped like a silver bird cage with a ballerina pirouetting inside as the glittering snow falls down all around her. I've never seen anything like it before - its enchanting! This is from my mum and its so gorgeous. It was one of those very special gifts which brings a tear to the eye and I almost cried as soon as I saw it. Its just beautiful and it will go perfectly in my bedroom. I also got The Pink Fairy book too, which is a Folio edition that I have wanted for over a decade, so to finally have it and be able to read it on Christmas night feels so magical. Its a limited special edition and so they are quite rare. It's rose pink, with stunning silver foiled cover art of a Chinese lady chatting to her two cats and it comes in its own slipcase. Its just precious and I feel very lucky to finally have it as part of my library, where it will sit proudly next to its brother, the Blue Fairy book.
My neighbour also surprised me with some lovely little gifts too, including a collection of art cards and stickers featuring cute wildlife art, and a cushion cover that has an image of a knight in armour riding through the snow. His white horse is caparisoned in red and there is a fairytale castle in the background. Its perfect for me and my home, because it has a Pre-Raphaelite vibe to it so it will go well with all the Waterhouse prints I have around my bedroom. I'm touched by her thoughtfulness. I also got gifts of chocolates and hand made tree decorations from my mum's neighbours and friends as well. Again, I'm touched by their thoughtfulness and generosity. I feel surrounded by kindness, which is just lovely.
I think the main reason that so many people have made such a fuss of me this Christmastime is because they know that I've not had the greatest year of my life, to say the least, and 2024 has been quite difficult at times. The riding accident back in March and the injuries I sustained has coloured the entire year, as I spent months going to hospital for x-rays and checkups and physiotherapy etc. Then in November I was told that the asthma I'd had as a child had come back with a vengeance. The doctors seem to think it was triggered by the years I spent working at the vetinary hospital where I was surrounded by vast amounts of pet hair and dander. I now have to use an inhaler every day - which is a pretty shade of pink, so I don't mind it too much! So yes, my health has been put through the ringer this year.
I have to say, I'm proud of myself this year and of what I've achieved, given the circumstances and despite the odds being set against me so early on. I have completed my year at Oxford University, submitting my final assignment to them just before Christmas on 5th December. I should get to know in the early new year if I've passed the course, but I'm so proud of myself for sticking with it, in spite of having two broken wrists and only being able to type very slowly for the first seven months after the operations. A lot of people would have used the riding accident as an excuse to drop out of the course altogether. I didn't. I stuck with it. Although I did ask for an extension on the deadline for my first assignment, which was due to be delivered just a week after the operations, I still got on with it and I wrote that assignment with both my arms in casts from my knuckles to my elbows and very limited movement in my fingers. I even met the extended deadline with a few days to spare!
In addition, I have also continued working and I have written several new books this year too. My editors have been amazing, giving me longer to work on each book and more generous deadlines to account for my recovery, but they have still trusted me to get the work done and write the books to a high standard. They have been very supportive and I have written their names on my gratitude list more than once this year! I could not ask for a better commissioning editor. She's so lovely and kind-hearted. I feel very lucky to be able to work with her. So again, I'm really proud of myself for the fact that I kept on working, writing new titles and meeting deadlines.
I also got quite a lot of decorating done in my house too. I had help from my mother because I just wasn't fit enough to do it all on my own, but we managed to completely re-decorate four rooms and give the house a bit of a refresh. Next year we are going to re-decorate my bedroom and then tackle the staircase. I'm not going to lie - decorating is a painful process for me now. It's very hard on my wrists, which are still extremely delicate. I am continuing to do physio exercises to try and make them stronger, but its a long process. The truth is that they may never be as strong as they were before the accident. I'm trying my best, but only time will tell. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they keep improving. The good news is that I was medically cleared to drive my car again last month, so I must be getting stronger or the doctors wouldn't let me drive. I'm taking this as a good sign.
I have learnt some valuable lessons this year, which is entirely due to the accident, so maybe it was the universe's way of forcing me to listen. First I learnt that its okay to slow down. I have spent the last decade or more running from one academic course to another, to working twelve hour days in an emergency pet hospital at the same time as doing the Masters degree, to writing multiple books a year, to studying at Oxford University too, all without really slowing down or coming up for air. I have to say that writing the books is the easiest one and the one I find most enjoyable and fulfilling!
However, I have pushed myself and pushed myself. I was exhausted, but I didn't know it - until the accident/universe forced me to STOP. I learnt that its okay to stop, to slow down, to ask for more time to complete a task or project. I learnt that it is important to prioritize rest and that rest is just as important as achievement. Most crucially, I learnt that it is okay to ask for HELP. It's safe to let people help me. I don't have to do everything all by myself, all of the time. There are people who want to help me - but I have to let them in.
This was perhaps the biggest lesson I needed to learn, because ordinarily I never ask for help. Suddenly being in a position where I couldn't do anything for myself was incredibly scary and humbling. I had to trust the nurses (total strangers?! OMG!) to feed me, wash me, dress me etc, duties which then fell to my Mum for a few months as I gradually recovered enough to hold a spoon, a sponge, a sock. I couldn't live in my own home and had to move in with my Mum for a few months. One day at a time, I learnt to take care of myself again, but the lesson had not been wasted on me and I heard the universe's message loud and clear - it's okay to trust certain people and ask for help.
I wonder how many times the universe had whispered that message to me in the dark and I hadn't heard it, or how many times it had called it out to me, only for me to ignore it. But the universe tripping up my horse and leaving me incapacitated for a big chunk of the year? That was the message I heard and paid attention to! Therein lies the silver lining. Even negative events have something to teach us. In fact, they can often be the best teachers of all.
Also, there is nothing that offers greater perspective than a hospital bed. It highlights exactly who is actually there for you in a real way, and who is just full of piss and wind. Frankly if someone isn't there for you when you're bleeding, broken, hyperventilating, in hospital etc - then they have no right trying to re-enter your life when you are healed and on the road to recovery. They have already told you all that you need to know about who they are and where their priorities lie - and its not with you!
This too is a message from the universe and one that you would be wise to listen to. I have certainly paid attention to it and it isn't just Father Christmas and Taylor Swift who have been making a list of names this year! Those who were conspicuous by their absence and silence in the aftermath of my riding accident need not apply for a position in my life in the future. I have no openings available for them. Nor will I.
So 2024 has been a year of difficulty, proud moments and many lessons learnt. I'm hoping that 2025 will be a gentler, more uplifting year, one where I can fully concentrate on my writing as I now feel recharged and refreshed and ready to get back into it again. I think it will be because there are already some exciting things lined up for next year, but I'll cover that in another blog post.
Until then, stay safe, stay warm, ask for help when you need it - but make that list of names, of those who were nowhere to be seen or heard from, when you were broken and bleeding, scared and vulnerable in 2024. Take note and think twice before you carry them into the New Year with you.
Bright Blessings
Marie x
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