"...the scene always arrives to me in snippets, like torn fragments of a photo being pieced together."
I have spent the day reading Battle Scars by Jason Fox from Chanel 4's SAS: Who Dares Wins. The final episode of the latest series was aired last night, so I wanted to prolong the inspiration and this book has been sitting in my study since it was first released over a year ago.
As Storm Ciara has been raging for the past couple of days, it seemed like the perfect time to curl up with a good book and once I began reading I just couldn't put it down. I read the entire book in a day, only moving from my comfy place, curled up by the fire, to top up my tea cup and I have thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Battle Scars is the autobiography of Foxy and it tells of his time in the Marines and the Special Forces. It is a gripping read, beginning with a battle scene that is immediately engaging from the first page. Yes, it's ghost written, but the story is all his own and Foxy is clearly the narrator as he recounts tales of daring night raids and operations in dangerous war zones. He gives the reader a clear view (albeit through Night Vision Goggles!) of what it is like to be dropped from a helicopter into immediate battle, where people are shooting at you from all directions.
It reminded me of the film Black Hawk Down - which to be honest I don't recommend watching, as it is pretty horrific. Eric Bana is the only saving grace in a catalogue of bloody violence. His collected, composed presence on screen was the only thing that kept me watching the film. He was a very calming influence on this little traumatized audience of one! I was in floods of tears watching it and its certainly one of those films I don't need to see twice. I wish I hadn't seen it at all and I don't know why anyone would have recommend it to me. Probably some sick joke on their part. I'll stick to a nice period drama from now on!
Battle Scars is quite similar in places though. The accounts of warfare are pretty brutal, but Foxy tells it all with a strong dash of humour that lightens the mood of what would otherwise be a very dark book. His sense of humour, even gallows humour, keeps the reader engaged and ensures that it isn't too triggering a read.
While the first half of the book recounts his time in the military and the events that resulted in him being diagnosed with PTSD, the second half of the book details how he came to terms with that diagnosis. For me this was the most inspiring and interesting part of the book. He opens up about the harsh extremes and subliminal subtleties of what it means to have PTSD - the flashbacks, the memory loss, the fragmented recollections, the insomnia, the need to be nocturnal and sleep during the day (because bad things happen in the dark and its safer to sleep in the sunshine), the irritability and short temper, the sadness and so on.
He even describes his spiral down into depression, suicidal ideation and contemplation, plus his difficulty in getting the professional help he clearly needed. His first experience of therapy was one that sadly, many people can relate to - the old CBT 'one size fits all' approach, which of course doesn't really work for PTSD. It just makes large organisations such as the Military and the NHS look like they are doing something for you, when in fact they're just fobbing you off. In short, it's a good way for them to cover their own backs, but it does nothing for the client except to make them believe that they are broken beyond repair and unsalvageable.
Eventually though, after many dark nights of the soul and a mind-crushingly shit job as a civilian which he hates, he finds a therapist who understands him and he begins to slowly recover his former zest for life and adventure. At this point, most memoirs would come to a conclusion, but perhaps because Jason Fox knows first hand how crippling PTSD can be, not to mention how difficult, sometimes impossible, it is to get the correct help, the final pages of the book offer up solutions and tips for helping people with traumatic stress of all kinds. I respect him even more for that.
This book is not only entertaining and inspiring, it is like medicine to me and I am sure it will be very useful to anyone who has any type of traumatic stress, or for those people who want to better understand what a loved one is experiencing. It's a cracking adventure of a read and for those with an interest in PTSD, be that professional or personal, I can't recommend Battle Scars enough.
I'm very glad I bought it. It was money well spent.
Happy reading!
Marie x
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