MUSICAL DOLL; A Lifetime To Repair

Romeo still lives in my head...

Too many nights, crying that it's not fair...

My life in one song -

Sometimes it feels safer to just give up and stay single forever.

Amen to that!

xxx

WRITER'S DREAM; Counselling By Column

It's 9 o'clock at night and already, it is dark.  I am in my study, sitting at my escritoire desk, where I have been writing my column and sipping on gingerbread tea.  I'm burning the last of a Yankee Snowflake Cookie candle, which is making the atmosphere warm and comforting.  I hope that it burns out tonight, so that I can start to burn one of the new autumnal scented candles I bought last week. 

These darker nights always drive me to the page.  There is something about hiding away in a book-lined room, as darkness falls, with only a laptop and my books for company, that makes me want to spend hours in my study, writing. I love it. I am always more productive in the darker months and this autumn has already seen the harvest of one of my literary goals, with the launch of my new psychotherapy column.

I can't really describe how much fun I am having writing this column.  It's great to be free to write whatever I want, for a new publisher.  Before, when I wrote a column for Spirit&Destiny, my work obviously had to fit into a Wiccan framework, which could sometimes be quite limiting.  Now I can write about anything at all, and I don't have to come up with a spell to match at the end!  It feels incredibly liberating.

It seems that people thought that they had seen the last of me, in terms of publishing, but that was never the case.  I have simply switched from one genre in Mind, Body, Spirit work, into another, more enduring and universal one, in Psychotherapy work instead, but still within the women's magazine industry.  Switching genres is never easy for a writer, but I have managed to do it in a fairly short space of time - less than two years, to go from one column to another.  I feel incredibly grateful to have done so and it is a significant leap forward for me as an author. 

I am also gratefully aware, that I jumped straight into writing a regular psychotherapy column, with a popular magazine, as soon as I qualified as a counsellor.  That is virtually unheard of!  I've lost count of the number of counsellors who have all been at pains to tell me how hard it is to get such work published. They've all been trying for years and getting nowhere fast. Over the course of my training, they have pointed out that it is impossible to get published on this topic, but that certainly hasn't been my experience.  I've been publishing freelance features on various psychotherapy topics throughout my training. In fact, all the features I've had published since 2014 have been psychotherapy based and the fees helped to pay for my studies!

Once I knew I was definitely going to qualify, the first editor I approached - an editor I had never worked with before - immediately snapped me up, as a regular contributor and her new psychotherapy columnist. She accepted my submission the very next day!  Even I didn't expect it to happen as fast as that. I was thrilled beyond measure and I took it as a sign that I was on the right track!   In return, I plan to make my column one of the best of its kind and a firm reader favourite. 

This is the kind of thing that makes people say I have the Midas 

Touch, but in truth, I already had a good name in publishing; one which I have built up over the past twenty-two years, so I'm sure that reputation had something to do with this new success. In addition, I am a commercial author, so I can write complex psychotherapy topics in an accessible style.  Perhaps other counsellors are clinging onto the academic style of writing, or they are trying to sell their essays, which is why they remain unsuccessful in publishing. 

All I know for certain, is that where they have had difficulty, I have enjoyed a smooth path to success. I didn't let them put me off my goal. And while my work with Spirit&Destiny is over, my career as a columnist is most definitely not!  I also know that sabotage, rejection and career disappointments never stand in my way for very long - I just move on and succeed somewhere else instead!  

I have no idea how long my new column will run. As it makes me happy to write it and the editor is pleased with it, I am happy to continue writing it for the foreseeable future.  Recent feedback from my new editor indicates that it has been well received by their readers, which is fantastic and we are all excited about how the column will shape up in the coming months.  I have a notebook full of column ideas that I am eager to start writing up and seeing published.  I like to keep track of every column I write, so as not to repeat issues or topics. Jotting down the theme of each column in a special notebook helps me to do this.  The notebook I chose for my new column has a silver mermaid on the front. She makes me smile each time I sit down to write. 

It is important to be happy in your work and writing makes me so very happy.  I enjoy my job; I love being published; I love being a columnist; I love helping people in this new way, turning my counselling skills into professional copy that is regularly published and enjoyed by my readers.  It's the best feeling and I am really glad I didn't allow the negativity of other counsellors to put me off my goal of becoming a psychotherapy columnist. 

Whatever kind of writing you like to do, don't let the negativity of others put you off. Just because they have been repeatedly rejected, doesn't necessarily mean that you will be. You might well be the one who succeeds where they failed. As I am. 

One thing the last two years has taught me, is that just because other people think your career is over, it's only going to be true if you agree with them.  If you actively disagree and keep working at it, none can stand in your way and you will go on to achieve even greater success.  Don't let the Muggles get you down!

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Living Well Is The Best Revenge

They say that living well is the best revenge and I absolutely believe that.  When you succeed at anything, there are inevitably going to be people who dislike you for it.  Some might try to stand in your way, or hold you back. Some of them might even try to tear you down or sabotage you - especially if they think that they can take your place!  But if you act against them in vengeance, you are wasting your energy.  Spiteful people choose to be that way  - it isn't a birth defect.  They choose to act in a spiteful manner towards you and so nothing you do will ever show them the error of their ways. Spite is the only power they have. And its a weak one at that. 

It's far better to leave them behind. Put them out of your life like so much rubbish, in exactly the same way that you would put out the bins. Literally - bin them off!  Don't have any contact with them, or if you must work with them, limit contact as much as professionally possible.  The worst thing you can so is let them get you down.  They will feed off your low mood like nectar.  Be indifferent to them and don't allow them to have a negative effect. 

If you have enemies, the last thing they will want is to see you succeed even more than you already have - so go after your goals with a vengeance!  Focus on doing all the things they tried to prevent or sabotage. And if you are both aiming for the same target, make damn sure you hit it first! The news of your success will surely reach the one who thought to ruin your life and you can enjoy the prospect of their chagrin. Now that's vengeance! 

Keep your life moving forward. Not only does that keep your enemies guessing - it also means that they won't have a fixed target to aim for.  In addition, it will keep the opportunities coming your way, but keep these new contacts close to your chest. Its no-one else's business who you are dating or where you now work. Silence is golden because it can't be used against you.

Create a happy life for yourself, no matter who has tried to do you harm in the past.  The best revenge is being happy and joyful, doing all the things you love to do, all the things your enemies tried to destroy.  Keep writing, keep publishing, keep loving, keep dating, keep skating - whatever it is that is your own personal happiness trigger - just keep on doing it.  Don't let anyone stop you from being who you are meant to be. 

Beware of those people who copy everything you do though.  This is an indication that they envy you. Envious people hoover up as much information as they can about the people they are jealous of - then they try to present it as their own life.  So if you love riding and suddenly your sister-in-law is buying jodhpurs and telling everyone about her riding lessons, it might not be a genuine interest on her part. If you have just passed your driving test and your bus-hopping bff immediately goes out and buys a car within the week, it's likely to be because she can't stand the thought of you leaving her behind in any way. Envious people always emulate their targets. They just can't help themselves. 

Most days, there are times when I take a few moments to truly appreciate the life I live and how far I have come. I take time to appreciate my loved ones, my writing success and all I have achieved so far in publishing and psychotherapy.  Gratitude maintains the flow and life keeps giving to those who appreciate it.  I try to be mindful of when I'm right in the flow of universal abundance - when I am skating across the ice and feeling the glide; when I am shopping for treats that make my daily life more luxurious;  when I am cleaning my home and all the lovely things I own;  when I am practising my beautiful piano; when I pick out a pretty outfit to wear, or pat a horse, or slip on ballet shoes, or drive my car.  I take the time to appreciate all of it.

Because I do have a very nice life. I am content and gleeful as a witch in a broom factory. I worked hard to create the life I lead.  It serves me as a protective boundary against the spitefulness of others. The magical bubble in which I live and write and work, cannot be penetrated by their malice.  I am happy when I'm writing, reading or pursuing my activities. It's my life and I love it.

Make sure you create a life you love too. Love it, embrace it, own it and make it work for you no matter what, or who, tries to stand in your way. Because living well is the best revenge!
So enjoy yourself and try to leave people with a smile... 

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Autumnal Shopping

As the summer begins to draw to a close, my thoughts turn to autumn.  I really dislike hot weather, so this summer has been an ordeal for me, what with the heatwave and the consistently warm, dry weather.  I have hated it. I much prefer cosy weather - rainy days, chilly nights, the first frost...I'm a bad weather fan!

But summer cannot last forever and in the spirit of anticipation and preparation, my mum and I went shopping today with one goal in mind - candles.  Autumnal fragranced candles to be exact and it's not a bit too early, as the shops are already bringing out their autumn stock.  So while most people were strolling around in sun tops, picking up sun cream and barbecue supplies for this August bank holiday weekend, we two witches were busy sniffing our way down the candle isles, dreaming of the colder weather that is on the horizon and wondering when the pumpkin decorations would be coming out.

I went a little mad and got more candles than I needed.  Let's face it, no-one needs scented candles; they are an everyday luxury, not a necessity, but I wanted to stock up while all the new scents were available, because they sell out fast.  So I bought seven large jar candles!  I got some lovely scents; 

Amber & Sandalwood - smells warm and woody

Mahogany Apples - smells like apple-bobbing in a barrel 

Cranberry Woods - which will crossover into Yuletide

Pumpkin Waffles - smells like festive baking

Spiced Vanilla -  warm and comforting with notes of nutmeg and cinnamon 

Wildberry Woods - which is a huge three wick candle; smells like walking through the forest when all the berries are ripe

Autumn -  a classic; smells like the crisp golden leaves of a sunny autumn day and reminds me of horse-riding through the woods.

I'm not sure which one I'm going to burn first, but soon enough my house will be an autumnal retreat, even if summer insists on lingering.  I also treated myself to a new tea - Twinings Gingerbread tea, which I've never tried before.  I think it might be a new release as it was the last box on the shelf.  Gingerbread is one of my favourite treats in autumn and winter, so now I can have gingerbread tea along with my gingerbread men. That will be just the thing to cosy up with as the nights draw in and the weather turns chilly.  

I've also been watching my spooky DVDs in the evenings.  Last night I was curled up watching The Covenant; the night before it was What Lies Beneath; tonight I'm going to watch Johnny Depp in Sleepy Hollow.

I've even been busy on Pintrest lately, putting together a Mood Board full of images that denote all that I love about this change in the seasons.  Click here if you'd like to take a look at it. 

I feel so lucky to live in a country where we have proper seasons.  I couldn't live in a hot climate - it would drive me nuts.  I like to see the leaves turn to gold, rust, amber and russet;  I love that first tang of autumn on the edge of a summer breeze; I love the smell of ozone and petrichor on the air after the rain falls;  I enjoy walking in a good downpour and coming home to a cosy house, a hot bath, snuggly pyjamas and a bowl of soup.  

The dark season is my favourite time of year and as the nights draw in, I find a new lease of life.  I thrive in autumn and winter, while the summertime drains me.  After a day of shopping, I feel I am all prepared for the longer, darker nights and the chilly days, and after the hot, humid summer, I have to say - Autumn, you are most welcome! 

BB

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Academic Success

With a new academic year just around the corner, I thought it was time to address the topic of how to achieve academic success.  This is not because I'm an expert, but more because, I have actually failed academically, twice over, in the past!  I thought it might be helpful to those of you who are just starting out in night classes or college, to see what kind of events sabotaged my earlier success, and why I succeeded third time round. 

To my mind, there are three main things required for academic success; 

1) a natural aptitude for learning, writing and book work 

2) determination to succeed 

3) a solvent, safe and supportive home environment, conducive to studying

The first time I went to college was in my teens, when I started A-Levels.  I was studying History, Psychology and English Literature. I enjoyed the subjects and seemed to be getting on quite well with the course.  My mother and I were going through a typical 'not getting along' phase, and so six months in to the course, I left home and rented a flat.  Suddenly, I had all my own bills to pay and the student grant didn't nearly cover it, nor did a part time bar job.  I worked out that I needed to work full time to cover basic living expenses, but I was already a full time student. Something had to give. 

So I dropped out of my A-Levels and took on a full time job, in a nursing home, in order to support myself.   A few months later, my then fiance, who was unemployed and on the dole, moved in with me.  I took on a second job, working behind a bar, so that I could support him too!  This was a youthful mistake I would not make again, but that's love.  Thus ended my first attempt at academics. 

About a year or so later, with said fiance now finally in full time work,  I tried again, much to my fiance's disgruntlement.  Although we still couldn't afford for me to give up work entirely,  I wanted to return to education, so I took on a part time job in a pharmacy and applied for full time study.  Now in my twenties, I was able to apply for a degree, but because I didn't have A-Levels I had to prove my intelligence, with three interviews, an aptitude test and an essay on why I deserved a place on the course.   Thankfully, I passed all these criteria and I was offered a place on the Cultural Studies degree.

I loved this course! I was studying Psychology, 20th Century  History, Art History, Poetry and Prose Fiction of the 19th Century with an emphasis on the Gothic novel.  It was right up my street and I enjoyed all my classes. It would be fair to say that I began to blossom - but not everyone was pleased to see it.  

My fiance, who had more issues than Vogue, became increasingly difficult, sneering at my studies and uni life.  He also began to actively sabotage my chances of success, by tearing up my essays and burning my class notes in the garden when I was at work.  This was back when essays were hand written, so I had no alternative but to rewrite them as fast as possible.  I felt like I was constantly playing catch-up with myself, just to keep up with the course.  I was hiding my work, so he wouldn't find it.  I didn't talk much about university because it would cause arguments.  Of course, now I can see that he was plain jealous of the fact that I had a life he couldn't share - academics was never his strong point and he'd dropped out of school without a qualification to his name. So he decided he was entitled to hold me back...and it worked.

I endured all this for the first year of my degree.  Then the course itself changed. Some of the modules I was doing were discontinued, including Poetry and Prose Fiction.  I was offered Sociology and Political Ideology instead, but I had no interest in such subjects.  What's more, these new modules would have given me a Combined Studies degree, not the Cultural Studies degree I wanted, and which I thought was my best chance of becoming a published writer.  The odds were clearly stacked against me.

After many tears and much soul searching, I took the decision once again, to drop out of the course.  My fiance was thrilled and smug, but his victory was short lived - I called off our engagement a year or so later. We split up and I've lived alone ever since. Lesson learned.  Big lesson learned!  Those you love, do not necessarily want you to succeed.  Thus ended my second attempt at academics - and my relationship to boot. 

In both these examples, it is clear to me now, why I failed.  I simply didn't have the solvency, or the secure home-life needed to succeed. It's hard to pay for text books when you are struggling to buy groceries; it's difficult to concentrate when there are lots of arguments going on in the family, even if they don't involve you; it's impossible to succeed when you are living with a saboteur.

Skip forward to 2013 and I was tentatively considering going back to college - again.  My past loomed over me like a dark cloud; I had after all, earned myself the reputation of a drop-out and I knew people's eyes would be rolling at the first mention of me going back into education.  Could I do it this time round?  I was self-employed as a writer, with a bit of money in the bank; I worked from home so I didn't have an external job to get in the way; I lived alone, so I wouldn't be sabotaged and there would be no arguments to contend with. With no-one at home, there was no-one to get in my way, pull the rug out from under me or hold me back.  Surely then, the odds were finally stacked in my favour?  They were; I successfully completed five years of studying, to become a psychotherapist. 

But it did prove to me that a safe, secure home-life is essential for academic success.  This is just as true for children of school age, as it is for adult students, if not more so.  As the back to school frenzy begins this month, take some time to consider if you are providing all that your children actually need to be successful in school.  They won't do well if their parents are constantly arguing in the back ground; they can't concentrate if the TV is always on or if they are hungry.  

Alongside the shopping trips for pencil cases and uniforms, think about providing a safe, secure place where they can study in peace; take them snacks as they do their homework; keep younger siblings from annoying them as they try to work.  Remind them of their capabilities.  Support their ambitions, their dreams -  don't allow the adult lives of the parents in the house to cast shadows on the academic success of the children.  

And if you are an adult considering going back to education yourself this autumn, take stock of your life to see if you have all the support in place that you're going to need.  Can you afford it; is your home-life safe and secure; are your loved ones likely to be supportive?  If the answer is yes, then I hope that you have an enjoyable study experience.  If the answer is no, maybe it isn't the right time just now, and your time will come later, as mine did. Or perhaps there are adjustments you can make that will create the right environment for academic success. 

There is no doubt in my mind, that those people who went smoothly from school, to A-Level, to university, to career, supported by loved ones all the way through, have been truly blessed.  

But if this isn't you, it doesn't mean that it's too late. You will bring more to your studies from your life experience and you will have developed the resilience needed to succeed.  I'm glad I went back to college when I did, because it means that the black cloud of my previous academic 'failure' has been blown away, once and for all. My graduation looms on the near horizon instead and the eye rolling has stopped!  

If you are returning to education this autumn, then I wish you all the luck in the world. Bon Chance!

MUSICAL DOLL; Come Back, Be Here

💘

xxx

WRITER'S DREAM; On Being A Columnist

It's late at night and I'm having a Carrie Bradshaw moment, sitting at my laptop writing,  with a glass of white wine beside me.  A writer's life is made up of such moments; our days are weighed out in words, both written and read; our published work gives us the kind of longevity most people only find in their children. Our books will live on for generations to come. 

There is something magical about the birthing of a new column, or any new piece of written work that has been created specifically for publication.  It can often be a long, drawn out process.  First you need an idea, which you outline on paper.  Next you do the market research, before making a decent pitch to the appropriate publisher.

Then you wait...and wait...and wait some more.

You need patience. Editors are busy people and there is always a period of time between the pitch and the response - which could go either way; yes or no.  It can be a nerve-wracking time, akin to waiting for exam results.  All you can do is your best and hope for a new opportunity.  Being a writer is never easy, though Carrie does her best to make it look like the easiest, most glamorous profession in the world - and we all want to believe her, don't we? 

And sometimes, it is!  Sometimes an editor responds right away, full of enthusiasm for your work, eager to sign you up to a contract, leaving you to write your first columns in a rush of gratitude.  It feels amazing when that happens.  Usually though, these things take time and a new column is brought about through a series of emails and telephone calls where ideas are discussed, discarded, tweaked and fleshed out into something both the author and the editor are happy with.  Once you have reached that point, you are free to get on with the job - because being a writer is a real job. 

As a columnist and author of several books, I know how hard a job it can be at times.  But I also know the thrill of being published and there is nothing to match it - except perhaps falling in love.  Branching out into a new genre is much like meeting someone new and knowing that this is going to be something special, something that might not last forever, but which is meant for you at this time in your life.  There is always a sense of destiny about being published; it feels like kismet, like you have found your bliss at last.

Being a columnist however, gives a writer this feeling on a monthly basis, because every month is publication day!  It's a buzz and once you've experienced it, you want to experience it again and again and again. And of course, the column allows this.  There is nothing more wonderful than having a rolling deadline to meet, secure in the knowledge that your column will be published and that people will read it; people you have never even met.  They will read it and if they enjoy it, they will start to look out for it each month. They will interact with you on social media, which brings your readership that much closer.  

Editors will come and go, but your readers will stay with you. They will follow you from publisher to publisher, from one magazine to the next. Your talent will always be yours to nurture, enjoy and to share in a publication of your choice.  And the buzz will always be there to accompany the publication of new work.  Once you've experienced the columnist buzz you will be reluctant to give it up - so even if you leave one column behind, you are likely to move onto another column with a different publisher.  And the buzz will be just as strong - if not more so, because you did it again and succeeded twice, thrice over!  So tonight, in the spirit of gratitude for my work,  I raise a glass to celebrate the thrill of goals achieved and the buzz of publication day, because...

Serene Blessings

xxx

MUSICAL DOLL; All I Want You to Know...a-ha

Come back my darling one...

I love this song

xxx