IVORY TOWER; Winter Is Coming...

Every snow queen deserves her own ice palace.

If you have been following my work for some years you will be aware that the dark season is my favourite time of year.  I love autumn and winter; these magical seasons that glow and gleam in turn, then fade into early darkness and twinkling black skies.  

As a child I used to wish I could find a way to make winter last longer, to make the amber tones of autumn linger on. As an adult I found that I could use my home to achieve this, to give me the lasting essence of the dark season, all year round.  If you saw the At Home shoot I did with Spirit&Destiny a while ago you will have noticed that I have a thing for decorative trees and leaves - the kind designed to hold candles and tealights.  I suppose part of me just wants to live in the middle of a forest, like witches do in fairytales, and I have brought that vision to life in my home decor with the accessories I own.   

Recently though I've been wanting to crank up the wintry aspects of my indoor enchanted woodland.  I want to bring in the shimmering light of a snowy day and the silver frost of a winter forest.  So I've been collecting things over the past few months - soft furnishings, trinkets, ornaments etc - keeping them all to one side until I have everything I need to make the transformation. Yesterday I went shopping for a few more bits and I am almost ready to bring the spirit of winter into my home, to sit alongside the iron trees and leaf men of autumn that already live here.

I bought some lovely cream voile panels that have silver metallic trees on them; new cream faux suede curtains; and crystal drop tie backs that look like ice.  These will really brighten the windows and make the whole room look different.  I also got new scatter cushions, cream with a silvery winter tree design. To go with these I got a soft silver faux fur throw, that looks similar to wolf fur and it just reminded me of Winterfell in Game of Thrones, so I had to have that. 

My main purchases yesterday were a couple of very special things; first of all I added to my winter tree collection - I already have a 5ft tree candle stand, a large tree wall sconce and a 3-fold silver leaf screen - yesterday I bought a silver branch wall sconce, that 'grows' out sideways. You can see trees that grow horizontally up on the Yorkshire Moors due to the high winds, and Emily Bronte makes reference to them in her novel, so whenever I see a horizontal tree it always makes me think of Wuthering Heights and my home county.  This silver branch has six cups to hold tealights and fixes to a wall.  It's very pretty and sparkly and goes well with the other trees. 

The last big item I bought was a huge picture of a silver-birch forest in winter. It is all silver and frosted and it has silver thread woven through the canvas, so it glimmers like sunlight on snow, which is exactly what I wanted.  It looks stunning against the cream wall -wintry but not cold and I am delighted with it. I can't stop looking at it, it's just so pretty and unusual. It's like a magical winter forest has been framed and preserved and now lives in my house! So my little woodland is growing and expanding and I love it! 

To add to the winter enchantment I have also been collecting silver stags on my visits to Scotland and I got some as gifts for Christmas too. I have them in all sizes, dotted around the room and they lend a sense of Celtic magic. Stags are the power animal of the pagan horned god Cernnunos or Herne the Hunter; they remind me of my time in the Highlands and the real live stags I have befriended there, so I wanted to have a lovely collection of pretty silver stags, sparkling around my home, to honor that connection. 

This weekend was all about shopping for the final bits and pieces; next weekend is when I plan to complete the transformation and hang the curtains and picture, put out all the soft furnishings and arrange the silver stags.  It is going to look like a whimsical winter wonderland, like Narnia, and I really cannot wait to get it all done so I can enjoy my very own silver winter forest, all year round. It is going to be beautiful - an Ice Palace for an Ice Maiden. 

Yes...Winter is coming...

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Outlander Obsessed!

I must confess that I am a little late to the Outlander fan party and it's a recent discovery to me.  I got the Series 1 DVD box set for my birthday last November and it was a case of instant obsession. I love tales of Scottish history and romance and as I enjoyed the series so much, I knew I had to read the books, so I've just bought the first three in the series; Outlander, Dragonfly in Amber and Voyager by Diana Gabaldon.  I started reading book 1 this weekend and I'm loving it so far.

Outlander tells the story of Claire Randell, a WW2 military nurse, who stumbles through a portal back in time to Jacobite Scotland in 1743.  It is set in Inverness and surrounding area, taking in Fort William as the story progresses.  These are the places I visit when I go on holiday to the Highlands, so the Outlander series has given me a new appreciation of my time there and a longing to return.

This series presents the Scotland that I love, the place I look for on my visits - the romantic, honorable, battle ready side of Scottish history, the breath of which still lingers in the remoter parts of the Highlands where the story takes place.  It is the idealism of a nation, swathed in magical mists and slippery with spilt blood as the Scots fight against English occupation. 

I love that the tale is told through the eyes of an English woman, a Sassenach. As she tries desperately to assimilate with her new circumstances, in a new time, she struggles to understand the ways of  the Scots.  She tries to make friends. She tries to prove herself kind and trustworthy by being helpful with her gift of healing. Yet always she remains an outsider - useful to the Scots, but never truly accepted by any one of them. Except Jamie...

Of course I'm completely in love with Jamie Fraser...a hot tempered, red haired, honorable, gallant, kilted Highland Chief...oh my, how could I not be?? He hand-fasts with Claire to protect her from questionable members of his own Clan, by making her a part of it and thus protected by a blood tie; he rescues her from English soldiers with wicked intent; he gives her haughtiness a ticking off when she needs it - he is her match, in all things - except Time.

I can relate to so much of this story and Claire's struggle; the feeling of being torn between two worlds, two different times in her life, two loves; and of never feeling like she fits in with either one. Always longing for where she isn't - it's a difficult road to travel; one which requires a true heart, a sure step and a steady courage to face down the hostility that is ever present in the Highlands.  I love Outlander because it gives me a taste of the Highlands when I am in England, and as I can't cross the border for a while yet, I need this show and these novels to sustain me in the meantime.

The final episode of the series is very harrowing and one that I will not watch again - I'll leave it at the penultimate episode and then move onto Series 2 when that comes out.  I admire the fearlessness of the last episode though - making the last battle, as it were, all about the two men and showing the lasting effects of that battle, the hidden mental scars that linger, is an epic piece of media genius. If it makes men think on it, relate to it, then it has served a very useful purpose in facilitating understanding. I won't watch it again - it's just too brutal for me - but I admire the genius behind it.

All the Outlander books by Diana Gabaldon are available from Amazon UK, however the DVD box set is only currently offered to view on Amazon Prime, so if you want to buy it, you're better off trying HMV instead.  I'm looking forward to discovering how the story unfolds through the novels and eagerly awaiting the release of Series 2 box set.  Jamie Fraser is my new favourite Scotsman...I'm sure you can see why... :-) 

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Christmas Rose

A Rose in Winter

It's 9pm on Christmas Eve and the weather has turned suddenly chilly, almost as if the sky deities know that people are dreaming of a white and frosty Christmas.  I'm curled up by the fire, with the lights of the tree twinkling and sparkling around me. A cinnamon chai WoodWick candle crackles as it burns, filling the room with a warm spicy fragrance.

I feel content and a bit dreamy tonight.  Although it is only the beginning of Christmas my mind has already turned towards the goals I want to set myself for next year.  2015 is drawing to a quiet close and I am happy to leave it behind. It hasn't been a bad year; but I have been in a state of anger, grief and sadness for much of it.  Now that a new year is waiting in the wings and I am in a much calmer state of mind, I feel ready to welcome new adventures.

I have greatly missed Scotland this year, but having a break from it was the right thing to do, for several reasons.  I'll be continuing the break through 2016 too. Friends there have my number and can call me if they miss me meantime, and the motorway runs both ways - they can always come to Yorkshire. 

But for now my college course has to take priority, and pass or fail, I have only 18 months of studying left to go and then I'll be free of night school.  So I plan to return to Scotland after completing the course; perhaps to Dornoch for the autumnal equinox in 2017. That is something I can look forward to and it will be a nice treat after four years of studying, essay writing and exams.

This time away from the Highlands has served to help me reassess how I feel about what I've experienced there, because it isn't all romance and pipe-dreams. There is a harsh side to Scotland; the cold weather takes its toll on me because of my thyroid illness; some of the local women there can be hostile at times; and my straight-taking Yorkshire ways simply cannot fathom the two faces of the Scots. Do they know they can seem false to those who might be unfamiliar with their ways? Why can't they just say what they mean? Why talk in riddles and in the 3rd person when I'm standing right there?  I needed a break from it.

I needed time to get back to my honest Yorkshire roots; to good old fashioned English values.  An Austrian called Sven told me "You are an English rose"...I've been thinking about this in recent months.  What does it mean to be an English rose and have I allowed the Bruce to be too dominant a side of my personality?  I am the rose and the thistle combined, English and Scots by birth and blood, yet I've never thought of myself as an English rose before - it took an Austrian tourist to point it out to me.

An English rose is pale skinned, with rosy lips and cheeks..so in that respect I fit the description.  The White Rose is the emblem of Yorkshire, so that fits too.  Yet I always imagined an English rose to be passive, easily charmed and that's where I falter.  I'm too bolshie to be passive - yet roses have thorns, so maybe I am one after all. It has certainly given me food for thought.

To me an English rose is peaceful, gentle, charming and joyful; while the Scots Thistle is prickly, defensive, vigilant and wild. 'None shall irritate me unscathed' and I have certainly exhibited thistle behavior this past year, so perhaps it is time to cultivate my inner rose instead and see where she takes me. Perhaps she will help me to remain calm and serene under pressure; receptive and open to bright new prospects; blossoming towards a new adventure.  

Maybe 2016 will be my English Rose year; a year to soften the edges and come to full bloom once more.  Perhaps it is only by embracing my English side that the rose and the thistle can co-exist peacefully together within my personality. And its not like I'm turning away from my Scots side because the white rose was also the symbol of the Jacobites...so I guess whichever way you look at it rebellion is in my blood! 

And so tonight, a Christmas rose is born...and a Merry Christmas to all the other roses out there x

MUSICAL DOLL; If I Die Young

Lay me down on a bed of roses...

Send me away with the words of a love song...

The ballad of a dove, go in peace and love.

ONCE UPON A DREAM; My Mercurial Mind

Preparing to dive into a new essay assignment...

Tonight is writing weather...by that I mean it's dark, stormy, wet and windy...the perfect weather for hiding away in my little study and putting together this blog post. It's been a while since I posted anything on here and that is because I've been concentrating on my night school classes, course work, my columns and freelance writing.  Oh and I had my birthday last month too! So I've been quite busy.

This past week we were given one of our assignments for the course; an essay to be completed in the next four weeks. I have been gathering together my counselling books to assist me as we have to include references throughout the work. This doesn't really sit well with me to be honest - I'm used to writing all my own words, not relying on other authors for back-up! It's one of the differences between commercial and academic writing. 

I am still finding the whole academic side of things to be very pretentious.  Basically, academics like to take a very simple thing and dress it up in as much pomposity as they can manage in order to try and pass it off as something extremely complex that only they and their ilk can understand.  But I just can't buy into that kind of bullshit. I find it totally ridiculous.  The other day for example, our tutor must have spent at least an hour defining the word 'evaluate' - an hour!! I mean, it's not rocket science is it? It's just a word.  I find it difficult not to roll my eyes. 

Some of the course content is quite interesting. I enjoy the self-awareness side of counsellor training and when I can relate to something I find it keeps hold of my attention for longer. But the rest is just too far up it's own rear end for my tastes. It brings out my moody side.  

I have always had a very mercurial mind and I do experience swift and sudden changes in temperament; it is easy to make me laugh, but it is also easy to make me furious!  This is magnified whenever I get stressed and it triggers my forgetfulness too, so for the past few years, what with juggling the course and my writing and coming to terms with five deaths in three years, I have been a mood-swinging enigma!  

People never know what kind of response they will get from me - good or ill-tempered.  Recent bereavements have only added fuel to the temperamental fire, as it would with anyone. But I'm starting to move into a much calmer place now.  I'm still sad at the passing of three of my friends in the Highlands, but there is a quiet serenity to my sorrow these days.

That's not to say I'll never display another ill-tempered backlash to a time wasting cold-caller, because I probably will. But I am remembering to try and breathe through the stress before I respond to anyone.  To slow down. To think before I feel.  And true friends make allowances anyway.

The silver lining is that, just like me, some of the strongest women in history have also been of a very mercurial mindset - Anne Boleyn, Elizabeth I, Queen Victoria - so maybe it's not such a bad thing after all. Maybe it is  a mark of my strength. 

Could it be a sign of your strength too?

ONCE UPON A DREAM; As Snow White Sleeps...she dreams...

"Love...

...Silhouettes and shadows...

Love...

...I'm waiting in the dark...

Oh, heavy hearts are healing...

Oh, Love...

I cry your name, in pleasure,
every time that I'm in pain..."

...She waits...she's waiting

"If we let go - don't you let go...

...We, we tremble, so be gentle..."

I wait...I'm still waiting...

Love this song...  and the Snow White inspired video on the Kiss Me Once Tour DVD is a beautiful work of art. Enjoy! 

Love M x

POET'S CORNER; The Last Rose

The Last Rose

Like the last rose of summer she is a wilting flower

Drooping, head bowed, weighed down by the weight of isolation

Her petals are as faded and as crumpled as her spirit

She is a wraith, haunted by her past and the echoes of time

Keening silently in her dreams where no-one can hear

Desolate and dejected she roams the earth

Wailing for her companion, her lover, her friend

She shall be his last lullaby...

Until she fades away with the mist, lost in her aloneness - 

This is what dying of heartbreak looks like...

The silent, invisible fall into desolate, eternal oblivion.

By Marie Bruce

www.arantza.info