ONCE UPON A DREAM; Love Letters

Seal it with a kiss and let the postman be your messenger of love

"We write letters because they last, even when the love that inspired them has gone..."

Quotation from How to Write Love Letters by Michelle Lovric

In a technological age it would seem that we have lost the art of writing love letters.  These days we rush off an email, a text or post a message to someone on Facebook or Twitter, but the romantic gesture of actually writing and posting a love letter is all but forgotten.

For me love letters are the best possible approach from a new suitor; less fattening than chocolates, more lasting than flowers, the humble billet doux will always get my attention.  Maybe it's because I'm a writer and so a written message captures my interest.  If it's written down, I simply have to read it. I cannot ignore it, like I can dismiss a pick-up approach in public.

There is something rather special about a letter, or even a cheeky Hallmark card that says just the right thing, coming unexpectedly through the letterbox.  It is a small act of genuine regard that has the power to make someone's day.  It can make the difference between a romance blossoming or falling flat before it's even got off the ground.  It can pave the way for a new love to be made welcome in a woman's life.

There is much to be said for this type of 'softly-softly'  approach.  A love letter isn't a demand for a woman's time and attention; it isn't an unexpected and inconvenient knock on the door when she's in the bath.  It is a gentle whisper that says 'When you have a moment, read this'  A love letter is a non-threatening approach, so perfect for the gun-shy girl, wounded by love in the past.  It is an invitation to consider the possibility of something more.  It is a private moment when she can experience a man's regard for her, without being expected to give anything in return.  There is a purity to the love letter - the gentle caress of the wordsmith leading a woman to make a reply; it gives her permission to speak the truth of her heart without fear of embarrassment because distance creates a protective shield. 

The billet doux can quite respectfully be taken to bed long before the suitor; it can be read, over and over, while the moonlight filters into the bedroom and the candles flicker.  The kisses written in a love letter are just as treasured as the real thing, and they last forever.  If lovers are forced to spend time apart, a love letter can be the best way to ensure he is the last one to wish her goodnight and sweet dreams, as she peruses his  words before she goes to sleep at night.  It can be the bridge that brings them together in the end and the hope for a brighter future together.

"Mine own sweetheart, these shall be to advertise to you of the great aloneness that I find here since your departing"

Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Beware the Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Beware the wolf in sheep's clothing...don't stray from the path...be careful who you trust...never let your guard down etc etc.  Little girls are taught from a young age to be careful of the people they trust for they may not be all that they seem.  Little Red Riding Hood is a parable designed to teach this early on, yet as we grow up, it's often the 'wolves' that get our attention first.

I have a tendency to see the best in people and while this sounds like a great virtue, over the years I have come to realize that it is actually my biggest flaw.  It means that I sometimes trust the wrong people, those who would manipulate others to serve their own agenda.  It means that I have been deceived in the past and I have failed to recognize when I am under the influence of what psychologists call truth bias and traumatic bonding. 

Put simply truth bias is when the facts are staring you in the face but you just don't allow yourself to believe it, so you believe the word of a liar instead, because you love the person who is being dishonest.  In that moment it is easier to accept a lie than it is to deal with the reality of the truth.  Truth bias is a twisted form of self-preservation...believe the lie and kiss and make up; believe the lie and go on as before; believe the lie and avoid change. Because change seems more painful than deception.

Traumatic bonding is when you find yourself in a relationship that is not really of your choosing, but which just seems to develop during a stressful time in your life.  If you are dealing with illness or bereavement, it can be difficult to see when you are being manipulated and drawn into a relationship against your better judgment.   There are some people who would take advantage of any situation, even funerals and serious illnesses, in order to compromise you and take advantage.  They are wolves in sheep's clothing - they look like good guys, they act like good guys - they might even be in a profession which garners automatic trust such as doctors or the police - yet they are acting from their own selfish agenda and you have inadvertently become their latest little tidbit.  

Traumatic bonding and truth bias frequently go hand in hand, meaning that you become blind to the situation you are in, partly because no-one likes to admit that they can have been so easily manipulated, taken advantage of and fooled in every way.  So you just carry on as you were.   Eventually though, you become so broken by disappointment and let down that you stop caring about anything at all...and this is the turning point.

At this stage, an influence far older, wiser and deeper than either truth bias or traumatic bonding steps in and takes over - in short, your survival instinct kicks in, rips the blinkers from your eyes and gives you the strength you need to move on.   You can acknowledge, to yourself at least, that yes, someone DID try to take advantage of you; that yes, they DID offer silver-tongued empty promises to be there for you, to catch you when you fell, to care for you...and then promptly left you to drop and fend for yourself because you failed to meet their demands and you ceased to be convenient to them.  Someone DID try to reel you in at a traumatic time, not because they had any genuine care or compassion for you, but because they viewed you as an easy target.  When you begin to see the truth, then you can deal with it.

Just because someone claims to have your best interests at heart, does not mean that they do.  Ask yourself "Is this a treat or a threat?"  "Is this a show of support or a strategic seduction?" "Is this a friend, or a fiend?"   At the end of the day, you will be stronger for surviving the disappointment and you will have learnt to look beyond that which is being presented to you, to see the deeper truth lurking beneath.

And while you will always be wary, the wolves in sheep's clothing should also beware...for they'll never know when or if the loose cannon they left behind might go off with an almighty bang.

WRITER'S DREAM; Be Self-Supporting

" I'm writing a book and I don't know if it's any good or not...would you read it and tell me what you think?"

If only I was given a pound every time I was asked this question!  What the aspiring author is actually requesting is a professional critique.  My refusal is always polite but firm.  From a purely business point of view, why would I spend several hours reading and critiquing someone else's work, for free, when I could spend that time writing my own work for my current publishers and get paid for it?   It just wouldn't be a productive or lucrative use of my time.  The only exceptions would be if I knew the aspiring writer as a personal friend - then I would be very interested and excited to read their work because I would want to see how their personality carries across the page.

There are plenty of agents, publishers and editors who offer a professional critique service for budding writers.  While there is usually a fee to cover their time and expertise, following through on their feedback can be the difference between rejection and publication of your MS.  They know their job and what is likely to place in the market.  Such services can be found in literary press and The Writer's and Artists Yearbook.

It can be difficult for new writers to get any  really useful feedback in the beginning.  Writer's circles and such like frequently advise their members to let as many people as possible read early drafts - this is so that you can craft as you go.  The problem is that so many people are unlikely to agree on how the work can be polished.  It could well be a classic case of too many cooks spoiling the broth.  Family and friends are likely to be either too gushing in praise of what a wonderful writer you are, or they might be utterly dismissive of your work and ambitions.  Either way, it's not that useful to you, the writer.

My personal feeling is that you should be wary of who you share your work with, particularly in its early stages. I know from personal experience that not everyone with whom I shared my work and ideas had my best interests at heart, though I felt at the time that they were being very supportive and they encouraged that belief.  The wrong attitude from a 'reader' can seriously damage your creative confidence and could be enough to shoot the project down in flames completely.  Sharing your work with the wrong person could prove to be disastrous.  

I once was foolish enough to let someone read the first few pages of a novel I'd started, only to have him spend the next 4 hours slating it.  Four hours!! I know - why the hell didn't I just get up and leave, taking my MS with me? Why did I allow myself to sit through this kind of verbal abuse?  In hindsight I should have known better than to show him the draft in the first place.  This is a man who's greatest and only talent is finding fault with everything and everyone unfortunate enough to cross his path. In fact, he prides himself on his nit-picking abilities and his 'suggestions' which he expects to be carried out as military commands.  But because I mistakenly believed him to be a friend, I let him read my work when he asked to see it.  It was a big mistake.  I didn't pick up that manuscript again for years and have only recently returned to it, having ended all association with the nit-picker several years ago.  I can see now what his problem was - the draft isn't half bad! In fact, it's quite good and the potential is clearly there.  It must have made for very difficult reading for such a negative, ambition-less individual. 

Beware those readers too, who secretly share your ambitions.  Their intentions may not be a pure as you presume. I've blogged before about my piggy-backing 'friend' and it is important to reiterate that someone you trust could well be trying to stealthily set themselves up as your direct competition, in an underhand manner.  This is not too detrimental if your career is already established as mine was when it happened, but if you are just starting out, be careful of who you discuss your ideas and prospective markets with, as they might start making some surreptitious submissions of their own! There are limits to friendship - career sabotage is one of them and definitely a deal breaker. 

The bottom line is that any creative writing venture requires nurturing.  A project needs time, space and love if it is to grow.  You wouldn't leave your child or your pet with just anyone, so don't do it with your writing.  

I firmly believe that an attitude of self-support and privacy is the best way to go.  If you keep your work to yourself, no-one can slate it in spitefulness or steal it in jealousy.  You need to nurture the project and yourself the writer.  Go back to a state of childlike innocence and play 'let's pretend to be an author for the next hour'.  Take the pressure off by putting the fun into your work. Make your writing your personal, private escape.  It is just yours.  It isn't for sharing just yet, and when you are ready to share it, choose only those people who are affiliated in some way with the publishing industry.  They may not sugar-coat it, but they have no reason to sabotage you either. 

BB Marie x

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Brew Me a Cup...

A Night Cap

Brew me a cup for a winter's night

For the wind howls loud and the furies fight

Spice it with love and stir it with care

And I'll toast to your bright eyes, my sweetheart fair

By Minna Thomas Antrim

1902

Just came across this wonderful poem and wanted to share it with you all.  It makes me dream of winter and snow and snuggly blankets and all the things I miss during the warm months of summer...ah well, soon be summer solstice, when the dark season makes its most welcome return.

POET'S CORNER; The Chieftain and His Lady

The Meeting on the Turret Stair 

The Chieftain and His Lady

Come live with me across the Glen

I'm chieftain of a thousand men

Marry me and be my wife

And I will love you all my life

I cannot marry you Chief so brave

I must wed a lord and not a knave

And though my heart is yours forever

My hand is promised to another

Who is this rich and mighty lord?!

I'll fight for you at point of sword

Tell me where he lies this night

I'll duel with him come morning light!

A lady must not her duty shirk;

Pray, put away your Chieftain's dirk

My word was given long ago

To your offer of marriage, I must say no

Gentle lady, sweet lassie so fair

You gave to me a lock of hair

And now you say you are not free

To pledge your hand unto me?

I gave my hair, that is true

It was wrong of me and this I knew

Pray, keep it as a token

Of three words once softly spoken

Come flee with me across the Glen

You'll be protected by a thousand men!

Our marriage bed shall be the heather

From this day forth we'll be together!

I cannot run; I dare not flee

I dare not run away with thee

There is nowhere safe for us to go...

Though I truly wish it were not so

You love me then, that much is true

You love me then as I love you

You're my lassie, can't you see

That I would give my life for thee?

I love you, yes, with all my heart

But still you know we have to part

Even now I quake with fear

That my father may yet find you here

Then come with me! We'll go tonight

By cover of darkness we'll both take flight

We'll leave your clothes by Loch Ness-side

They'll think you swept beneath the tide

He held his hand out to his love;

She grabbed her bonnet, cloak and gloves

Then fast across the Glen they rode

Eloping to true love's abode.

By Marie Bruce

I wrote this poem many years ago, inspired by a handsome Scots soldier.  Although circumstances meant that we couldn't be together at the time, I used poetry to give us the chance we never had.  I like to think that in another time and space, we are living out our own happy ever after.  For now, it's enough that our liaison is captured forever in poetry. 

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Tea and Roses

"This picnic I see

By the river, at night...

...I long to sit there,

Sip tea from delicate porcelain"

From the book Gothic Fall by Suzanne Gildert

It is a lovely warm day as I write.  The windows are thrown open to the fresh summer breeze and the wind chimes are tinkling away, making the rooms seem alive with movement and sound.  I'm burning a favorite oil in my burner - Apple and Elder-flower from M&S, which makes my home smell like a summer meadow. I'm relaxing in my study, sipping tea from a delicate china tea-cup, painted with pink roses - a recent gift from my mother when we were in Whitby last week.

There is something about this early summer season that makes me think of tea-parties out on the lawns of big stately homes and in the gardens of cosy sea-side cottages. Ever since reading the novel Entwined  I imagine that tea-sets just might be enchanted - you never know!  I love my new tea-cup; it's so pretty and tea always tastes better from real china. It is one of those everyday luxuries that makes life elegant.

Since the At Home photo-shoot I did with Spirit&Destiny magazine I've been feeling a little out of sorts with my home.  I enjoyed sharing my space with readers and letting you get to know me a bit better and it was fun to see the final pictorial spread in the May issue, but now I feel that I want to makes a few changes to my space.  These won't be big changes, as I love the magical environment that I have created, so I won't be changing the furniture, but I do feel that I need just a few things that haven't appeared in a magazine - some little treasures that are just for me, that no-one else has ever seen in my house.

It's a strange consequence of the shoot that I had half anticipated - the feeling of exposure and of having nothing personal and private left for myself.  My four-poster bed wasn't featured in the shoot because I felt it should remain a private space and I know that this will have disappointed some readers but now I'm glad that I stuck to my guns on that one.  Of course, it's always nice to see around someone's home and it's lovely that you have all seen my magical space, I just need to buy a few new bits and pieces to make it feel like a private retreat once more.

So I've done some shopping over the last few weeks and I have new curtains and blinds ready to go up; new bedding to go on and some fabulous Waterhouse cushions in the bedroom and study. These cushions are very beautiful as the images seem to glow in sunshine and lamplight.  I still can't believe my luck in stumbling across them.  

I've also bought a couple of fine art pictures and sparkling chandeliers to freshen up the place and give it a new lift. Everything I've purchased is soft and romantic, pastel and feminine.  I'm on the look-out for a pretty glass tiered cake-stand which I want to fill with beautiful sea-shells and crystals to use as a new table centerpiece.  I'd also like a vintage style birdcage designed to hold tea-lights. 

As the prospect of a bank holiday weekend seems to bring out the nesting instinct in all of us, I plan to potter around my little house, putting out the new items I've bought and making sure each room has something new - some new treasure that it just perfect.

I will of course, be sipping tea from delicate china throughout. 

POET'S CORNER; A Storm in Summer

A Storm in Summer

When nights are their shortest and days are their longest

When the rays of the sun burn at their strongest

When we listen with glee to the bumble bee's hum

And in a riot of colour the butterflies come

Then does the sky lower its brows

Then does the rain darken the clouds

A gathering breeze chases sunlight away

And we know as we watch that a storm's on the way...

When birds flutter off and take to the trees

Singing their protest from the shelter of leaves

As the raindrops start falling, pitter-pat, pitter-pat

And the thunder starts calling, scaring the cat

Then does the lightening rip through the sky

Drawing our gaze up ever so high

And some little children tremble in fear

Hiding away, for the storm is now here!

As raindrops on roses sparkle and glisten

As rumbles of thunder lessen and lessen

As the sky-snake of lightening slithers away

And shy beams of sunlight come out to play

We watch as the rain falls lighter and lighter

And the sun creeps out, brighter and brighter

And the twitter of birds seems now to say

That the Sun God has won for the Storm's passed away.

By Marie Bruce