ONCE UPON A DREAM; Reflections on November

November is always a special time for me, this year especially so, as I geared up for my Graduation as well as my birthday.  For me the graduation ceremony was like an early birthday present and a great signpost of just how far I've come in the past few years.  It was certainly a milestone moment and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Then I celebrated my birthday a week later, with a lovely trip to a Christmas market where I had warm spiced toffee cider, which was delicious.  That's the best thing about being born in November - all the pre-Christmas events are happening and the world is sparkling bright with joy, so there is always lots to do on your birthday week.

The market was lovely and we had roasted chestnuts as we walked around, looking at all the pretty Christmas lights.

The next day I went to see Last Christmas at the cinema.  It's a fantastic film and it really made me cry.  It's very moving and heart warming, starting out as a standard festive romance and then becoming something much deeper and more meaningful.  I loved it and it was a great start to my birthday.  

I was lucky enough to receive lots of pretty gifts and cards. Most of my gifts were pink, which is my favourite colour.  I got new pink boots, pink faux fur winter warmers to snuggle into on cold trips to university, Kylie's limited edition jade-green vinyl Step Back in Time album,  a Harry Potter mug, a Disney Little Mermaid hairbrush to brush out my tresses like a merrow-maid,  lovely bath products to pamper with and an Ariana Grande nightshirt.   I also got some home-wear gifts too, including a Yankee candle Advent Calendar and a beautiful set of kitchen goodies - a new kettle, toaster and microwave all in pale pink sparkly glitter!! I've never seen anything quite like them and they are so gorgeous.  They're very me and they make my kitchen glimmer.  So I've been very spoilt.

I had some birthday money to spend too, so I treated myself to some DVDs, the new Robert the Bruce which I really enjoyed and also series four of Outlander.  I haven't started watching this yet, but I'm really looking forward to being in the company of Jamie Fraser once more!

The problem is I don't have as much time for Outlander as I used to because I am deep into the work for my Masters degree.  So far I am really enjoying it.  I can hardly believe that my first semester is almost over!  Just a couple of lectures and a Christmas social to go to and then we are on the Christmas break.  

Not that we won't be working over Christmas because we will.  This semester we have three assignments to complete.  I've already done one, I'm doing the reading for the second and I am in the process of planning out the essay for the third, which I shall write up next month. I'm hoping to get as much done as possible before the end of term, because I am still working a few hours a week in practice and I'm also a columnist.  Lots of balls to juggle, but I am enjoying it. 

I'm loving writing my Psychotherapy column and I've been writing it now for eighteen months, so it has developed it's own tone and shape.  I enjoy putting my own unique slant onto the topic and making it my own, because this is what keeps my work being published.  I write in such a way that others may try to copy it, but my work is always original in style, so it sets its own trends.  I don't follow trends - I set them.  I guess this is the key to being successful and productive in publishing.  

University life is fun. I am enjoying all the psychological and philosophical aspects of the course. The discursive practice work is interesting and it raises important questions regarding social identity - are we who we decide to be, or who we are told to be by society? How do we recognize when society is telling us to behave in a certain way, so that we can make an informed choice, rather than being subject to indoctrination?  How does the Influencer trend of social media fit into all this?   This kind of lecture and discussion work is invaluable for my practice, both as a counsellor and as a psychotherapy columnist.   

My next set essay is centered around the topic of PTSD so I think I will enjoy writing it over the Christmas period.  I like to write 'straight from the horses mouth' so to speak and this is a subject close to my heart that I have written about in the past, so it will be interesting to take this topic up to the next level.   It's certainly a multi-layered topic to study from an academic point of view, and again, such studying will inform my practice as a psychotherapy columnist.  That was after all the point of going back to university to do a Masters degree - so that I can bring that knowledge back to my practice.

One of the things I most love about university is the seminars and Societies that are available to students, regardless of what subject they are doing for their course.  I have attended some fabulous seminars,  as well as taking part in the Poetry Society events each week.  This means that I can indulge in my love of poetry, journalism and English literature to my heart's content, even though that isn't the main core of my own course curriculum.  It is where my heart lies and it does help with the written aspects of any course, because voracious readers make better essayists.  There is a lot of required reading to do for a Masters degree, so it's a good thing I'm a natural bookworm!

The seminars and Poetry Society events offer a bit of welcome relief from studying core texts.  They are great social events, giving the opportunity to meet people with similar interests. It's lovely to be able to discuss poetry in all its forms, not just sticking to the well-worn tropes of  the Great Poets, but looking at the genre as a form of political debate, social conscience and global change.  So I am enjoying attending the poetry and seminar evenings.

The tutors are all much nicer too, which is a relief.  After the psychopath that was teaching us on my last course, I knew I couldn't put up with someone like that again for another two years, as he made the course one long brow-beating session, holding us all under his duress for two years.  He was a nightmare to be around.  Fortunately, the tutors that I have met so far on this course have all been lovely, supportive and encouraging. 

All in all, it has been a rather wonderful autumn this year, with my time in Loch Lomond, then starting a university Masters course, the Little Mix concert,  then Graduating from my old counselling course, followed by a lovely birthday!  So much to be grateful for.  Gratitude keeps the magic flowing and the warm glow of Yuletide is just around the corner.  Life is good to those who are grateful for it, so keep saying thank you for all that you have! 

BB Marie x  

ONCE UPON A DREAM;MY GRADUATION CEREMONY!

 Today, I finally attended my Graduation Ceremony for the psychotherapy course I qualified in last year - and it has been a long time coming!  From the start of Level 1 back in September 2013 to official graduation today, it's been a long 6 years of hard work, clinical practice and stress.  Today, all that effort was recognized with the pomp and ceremony of graduation.

I really enjoyed it.  I didn't think that I would and when I woke up at 6am this morning, I didn't want to go at all.  I get terrible stage fright and the idea of having to get up in front of all those people, mostly strangers, and accept my graduation scroll, was enough to trigger a significant amount of anxiety.  

Add to that the fact that parts of my home city have been severely flooded for over a week, which meant that there was a chance the event would have to be cancelled, and my stress levels were high before I'd even got out of bed!  I found myself wondering if that is how brides and grooms feel on the morning of their wedding day - like it's all just too much trouble and they really wish they didn't have to be arsed with it! 

But the weather forecast wasn't terrible, the event was going ahead as planned and my ceremonial cap, gown and photography were already paid for and waiting for me at the venue. So I gave myself a shake and got ready in the new pink and black dress I'd already bought for the occasion.  

I knew my mother was looking forward to the ceremony and I didn't want to disappoint her, so off we went.  And in truth, it was so much more fun than I had expected it to be!  I actually had a great time.  It was lovely to see my old class mates again and to acknowledge each other's victory in graduating.  As it turned out, from the 18 of us that began the course, only 4 of us were left in at the finish to graduate today.  That's it. Just us four.  So it felt even more significant that we'd made it thus far and we wanted to support each other, as it wasn't just me with stage fright and nerves.

The en-robing ceremony was quite fun.  It felt a bit like Downton Abbey and being dressed by a ladies maid.  I wasn't altogether averse to it.  Plus, once in my robes, I felt like I was going to Hogwarts, which is always a good thing!  From the Robes room we were shepherded into the photography studio, where there was a stunning library for a backdrop.  It was very nerve-wracking having official photographs taken while a long line of other graduands were all waiting for their turn and watching on, but I just tried to smile through the trauma of it and block them out of my thoughts.  After all, it would be their turn soon enough and then they would be the ones being stared at, so we were all in the same boat.  

From the official photography studio, we were allowed to go outside in our robes for unofficial photos, which are the ones I've shared here on my blog and on Twitter etc.  Again, I was nervous and shy about going out looking like Hermione Granger, but I needn't have worried because one of the nicest parts of the day was the well-wishes and congratulations of complete strangers.  People who were just going about their day, doing their Christmas shopping, were stopping to congratulate me on my achievement and graduation - even a homeless man who has his own troubles to preoccupy him, took the time to say congratulations and to wish me well for the future.  I was touched by all the kindness.  It helped to put me at ease and to feel like less of a prat swanning around town in black cap and gown on a random Friday morning. It was lovely. 

But the main event was still to come in the afternoon - the ceremony itself.  As we took our seats, our family members sitting separately from graduands, we began to savor the significance of the day.  Students were graduating from all kinds of course subjects, from engineering and construction management, to health & social care, and my own therapeutic counselling course.  It was more interesting that I expected it to be.  

I'm not going to lie, when it was time for us to get up and prepare to walk across and accept our scrolls, my stress levels were through the roof and I was on the wrong side of the pleasure/pain principle!  But they called out my full name, which gave me a moment to breath (I have two middle names, which buys a bit of time - I highly recommend it!) and the walk of acceptance wasn't so bad.  In fact it was over in exactly 23 seconds - my Mum filmed it and timed it.  So yeah, six years and 23 seconds and that was that - time to party! 

Graduation Ceremony over, we were taken to the Ballroom for champagne and dainty cakes.  The relief swept over me in a huge wave.  The nerves subsided at last; I could finally relax and stop worrying that I'd trip over my own feet, rip the gown (or worse - going to the loo in one is No Easy Task! This is why brides have bridesmaids!), or throw up from stage fright.  It was over - all the hard part was done and now I could enjoy myself with my mother and friends.  I may have had more than one glass of champagne - I think I'd decided at that point to let my hair down and make the most of it.  Afterwards we went out for a meal and drank a little more giggle-juice and now I'm back home, reflecting on the day for you guys.

It was fun.  So much so that I am already looking forward to doing it all again in two years time for my Masters Degree!  I'm enjoying my classes so far and have attended some fantastic seminars because of my current university course.  Just this week I met the author of Throw Me to the Wolves, Patrick McGuinness, who is not only a lecturer at Oxford, but is now also our new Visiting Professor at university, so he'll be coming to teach us every now and then.  

I'm very excited about this as it's the closest I'll ever get to an Oxford University education - being tutored by an Oxford Fellow.  He's such an inspiring man and he even signed my book for me, which was just lovely of him.  I look forward to my Masters classes each week and the seminars too and now, fingers crossed, I am looking forward to graduating with a Masters Degree in the future as well.  Some small part at the back of my Bruce-press-ahead brain is even daring to whisper the letters PhD to me - but I'm telling it firmly to hush up!  One Degree at a time is quite enough, thank you!

If you too have graduated this autumn or achieved something you've wanted and worked towards for a long time, I just want to say congratulations to you.  It's not easy sticking with a long course that takes years to complete, so well done and I hope that you have enjoyed your own celebrations as much as I have enjoyed mine.
One thing no-one ever tells you is this - graduation is exhausting! - so I'm going to climb into bed and have an early night.  I've earned it and I need to recover in time for my birthday next week! 
Blessed Be.
Marie x

BOOK NOOK; Throw Me To The Wolves by Patrick McGuinness

 

"...I notice a bunch of flowers leaned up against the gatepost next door. It's held together at the bottom by wrinkled silver foil and looks assembled from two petrol station bouquets. I recognize the supermarket livery. It's Zalie's first bouquet...

...Tributes, they're called. Shrines. When did they start? Or did they always exist? I can't remember.  I don't think so."

I don't normally read much detective fiction because, just like Crimewatch, it tends to give me nightmares.  When I found this book on Amazon though I was intrigued by the blurb and decided to give it a try.  It's about a detective investigating the murder of a young woman, Zalie Dyer.  Her neighbour is the prime suspect and because he is regarded as being eccentric - a man who prefers the company of the Arts to the company of people - he is quickly judged by the Press to be guilty in a mad frenzy of trial by media - or 'media monstering' as the book calls it.

The story-line is strong throughout and I felt immediately engaged with the characters.  The detective duo is an unlikely pairing - Ander has been privately educated, while Gary was brought up on a council estate.  This effectively means that we get two completely different perspectives on the unfolding evidence, along with some witty repartee and joshing between the two men as they seek to find the evidence that will lead to the prosecution of  Zalie's murderer.

Ander however, is much closer to the investigation than his partner is aware of because the suspect is actually Ander's old teacher from the private school he attended as a boy; a school where bullying and abuse was rife. It was an unhappy time in his life, one that he has deeply suppressed.   As the investigation unfolds and they begin to close the net around Zalie's killer, Ander must first excavate his own past in order to come to terms with it.  He begins by interviewing his old teacher for the crime of murder.  

The theme of systematic abuse within the sphere of private education is far from new, but Throw Me To The Wolves is much more than a novel of gratuitous violence against young boys.  As a Fellow of St Anne's College, Oxford, the author Patrick McGuiness is no stranger to the world of highly privileged education and the often isolating bubble in which the students live.  His professional experience of working in the highest echelons of British education at Oxford gives the novel a rich tapestry of colour, as McGuiness imagines what it would be like to be trapped within an abusive school, where the tutors are omnipotent and from which there is no escape. 

It's a very dramatic novel. The story is strong, not least because it has echoes of a similar case the media were covering some years ago and as I read the book, I found myself picturing those same faces from the news reels of the past.  The parallels between a well documented historical case and the fictional case of Throw Me To The Wolves does make for uncomfortable reading at times, but it also keeps you on the edge of your seat as you wait for Ander and Gary to solve the case and bring the perpetrator to justice. 

Occasionally the voice of the narrator seems to go off on a tangent, but this is consistent with his character.  He is a deep thinker. He ponders a lot and he observes his surroundings in quiet contemplation, weighing things up in his mind as a good detective should. Yet, even his tangents are interesting and read more like a social commentary.  He wonders when death forgot its place and wandered out onto the street in the form of 'floral tributes'; he empathizes with women who are being sexually harassed on a daily basis and who feel powerless to stop it;  he befriend's an old lady who can't makes ends meet due to the poverty austerity has plunged her into.  In the course of his investigation he questions the purpose of social media as he scrolls through the victim's Twitter and Face book accounts saying;

"Her Twitter account is still there, and hundred's of people have already DM'd her to tell her how sorry they are that she's dead.  On her Facebook page, the condolences are mounting up.  They're addressed to her, as if she were checking her social media on the other side.  Is that what they think she's doing?" 

Ander and Gary are in a race against the local journalists to get the murder solved as soon as possible, but their job is made more difficult by the media frenzy surrounding the case. The journalist Lynne Forester is a grown up, more poisonous version of Rita Skeeta from the Harry Potter books.  Everything Lynne writes is twisted and sensationalized.  She isn't interested in the truth, she's just looking for a story, which isn't the same thing at all and she doesn't care how many lives she ruins in the process of her skewed journalism.  

Throw Me To The Wolves is a beautifully written, thought-provoking novel.  It highlights the cliches used by the British media in order to influence their consumers to think a certain way.  It condemns the political policies that leave people struggling to pay for their weekly groceries.  It holds up a mirror and makes the reader question their own motives for buying newspapers and watching news bulletins.  After all, if there was no audience there would be no such thing as a media monstering.  But it is also a highly entertaining novel and I am looking forward to reading more books by this author in the future.