ONCE UPON A DREAM; Visiting A Medium/Fortune Teller

 

Today I had a very interesting appointment with a woman who works as a medium and a fortune teller.  I have had my fortune told once before, a few years ago when I was in Whitby and so much of what she said to me actually came true.  However, this time I saw a local woman who calls herself a spiritual psychic.  This was my very first time seeing a medium who also gives readings into the future. So its like a two for one deal!

I didn't really know what to expect and I went with an open mind. I do firmly believe that our loved ones communicate with us after their death and that they are never far away from us, and as I have recieved spirit messages myself in the past, I was curious to know how this medium worked and what tools she preferred to use.

There were the kind of messages I was half expecting - the usual messages of love from relatives who have died; and my grandmother hogging the space so that my dad and granddad could hardly get a word in edgewise!  I had a message for my mother from my step-dad too, plus a much appreciated apology from my ex-fiance. His was the last message and the most upsetting for me. 

I was taking it all as a bit of pre-Christmas comfort that my dead relatives (most of my family have died of cancer) are still around and still with me in spirit.  But then she came to the fortune telling part using tarot cards, when she blew me away by saying a name that no-one knows anything about.  

I had never met this lady before today, but she gave me the name of a man I've spoken to on the phone and who I haven't heard from in a couple of years.  I'd already given up on him to be honest, but she said that he will make a welcome return to my life in the future.  This is a man I don't know that well.  No-one in my life knows about him and I don't speak of him at all.  Like I said, I had placed him firmly in the past.  I don't know how she knew his name and his circumstances, but she did.  So if she is correct I'll be speaking to him again at some point in the future!

It is the strangest thing when an aspect of your private life, that no-one else knows about, is reflected back at you in this way.  It was a bit of a shock to be honest, but a nice shock.  I guess it was a little bit of 'proof' - how else could she know my secrets unless she is the real deal?  And I do believe that some people are gifted that way.

She also said that my counselling would be very successful and that I would be moving forward with that too, and soon.  Again, imagine my happy surprise when I got home this evening and on checking my emails, found one from a Practice who want to meet with me later this month.  The email was sent 20 minutes after I left for my appointment with the medium lady!

She referred to me as an Earth Angel, which is a term I've heard before but not one I have ever used to describe myself.  She also mentioned that I had worked as a carer in nursing homes for the elderly (this was over 25 years ago!) and that I am a well known writer - but she could have recognised me from my columnist photo.  

So all in all, I was quite impressed. It was a pleasant appointment and something I wanted to do.  I booked this reading six months ago and I have been looking forward to it. As I said, I haven't had my fortune told in about 5 or 6 years, so I was ready for another reading.  I like to go to strangers because I think it gives the best accuracy.  I would certainly go and have my fortune told again, but not for a few years.    It was a nice visit and I'm glad I decided to book a reading with her.  I know psychics and spiritualism are not everybody's cup of tea and that's fine. Just think how dull the world would be if we all liked the same things!

Oh and apparently my spirit guide is a Valkyrie or Swan Maiden from the snowy North - a woman in swans feathers, wearing a jewelled helm and carrying a sword.  I guess that explains my love of swan maiden fairytales and my ambition to go to Norway on holiday and live in the Scottish Highlands then!  Valkyries are the guardian angels of warriors in Norse and Celtic mythology and winter is my favourite season - I do love a snowy landscape.   

It was all very interesting and a lovely way to spend St Andrews Day.  I have much to reflect on tonight, but I now have assurances that my future is bright, I will speak to my friend again at some stage in the future... and in the meantime I am guided by a Swan Queen. Perfect!

xxx

ONCE UPON A DREAM; False Limits

Throughout my training as a counsellor I was told to know your limits.  While I can accept that there will always be cases that are beyond my help and experience, at the same time I have always been driven to push the limits slightly, in order to achieve more. 

I'm not the type to submissively stay within the limits that someone else has defined for me.  I'm the type who pushes against them, to see if I can do just a bit more.  That's how you learn and grow. You cannot learn a new skill if you simply know your limits. You have to look beyond your limits and be willing to try something you've never done before.  You have to be willing to move outside of your comfort zone.

Occasionally life will throw something at you that will test your limits.  Over the years I have been faced with situations that have tested my abilities and my compassion.  In various jobs, I have done difficult things that might have been beyond some people - I have laid out the bodies of dead people when I worked in the nursing homes; put the bodies of dead pets into the deep-freeze cold-storage in the veterinary surgery; given life-saving first-aid to a man in a pub; disarmed a man with a knife in the street; held my beloved cat as he was put to sleep; even been a key witness to a murder.  These are all things which some people would not have been able to bring themselves to do.   

I have never found these situations easy - far from it. They can be extremely unnerving and anxiety inducing. I am not a robot or an android. I do feel the pain and upset of others, so there are frequently tears afterwards and a bit of shock for me to work through my system. But when something needs to be done,  somehow I have always found the courage to do it. In each situation, I have been able to put my own discomfort to one side and think about the person I am trying to help.  

Usually, I am helping strangers or people that I don't know that well.  Last night, I helped my mother - that was much harder!  She's just had an operation and I went to collect her from the hospital.

She had been discharged, handed a pre-filled injection and told to inject it herself at 11pm.  This was an important post-operative care injection designed to prevent post-op blood clots.  It should be administered by a qualified nurse.  Neither my mother nor I are trained nurses.  Personally I think it should have been a job for the doctor on call that night, or the district nurse.  But no, we were pretty much left to our own devices with it. 

So there we were, at 11pm, staring at one one another in disbelief at the situation we found ourselves in and trying to laugh our way into the procedure gently. Giving my mother the injection was the most nerve-wracking thing I have ever had to do.  I felt woefully inadequate to the task - but the alternative was watching her trying to do it herself and four hands are better than two!  So after a couple of deep breaths and a 3-2-1 countdown, I gave her the injection.  It was very much a team effort and I think that we were both very brave.  

As soon as it was done, I did what I always do when the crisis is over - I burst into tears and started shivering like a proper wimp!  That's just my coping style.  Some people fall apart before a crisis, some during the crisis; I fall apart afterwards when it's all over.  Sometimes this can be weeks, or even months, afterwards.  Delayed shock seems to be my thing. But that's okay, because it means that when I need to be strong and alert during the crisis, I am.  Once the danger has passed, I allow myself to fall apart for a day or so. 

A crisis is just one of the ways in which life will test out your limits.  If you stay within those limits, the crisis will beat you.  If you push outside your comfort zone and do whatever needs to be done in the situation you're in, you will be expanding your limits, developing skills and growing as a person.  If my Mum ever needs another such injection, we now know that I can do it and vice versa. So our limits have expanded.

Often the limits we place upon ourselves are false limits.  We are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for.  We hide behind the fear and let it control us, instead of pushing against it to become a more capable version of who we were before.  It's okay to be scared by a challenging situation, so long as you do what needs to be done.  It's okay to fall apart afterwards, to take a couple of days to yourself so you can process what just happened. And its okay to give yourself and your team-mates a pat on the back for a job well done!  

A moment of crisis is life testing your limits and giving you the opportunity for growth.  You don't have to like it.  You just have to do it and when you've done it once, you will know that you can do it again. You will come to realise that the sky isn't the limit - because there are no limits to what you can do if you put your mind to it.  But hopefully, you won't have to inject anybody any time soon!  Blessed Be. 

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Bumper Birthday

It has been a bumper birthday week for me this year - flowers, cards, chocolates!  I have been lucky enough to receive some very beautiful gifts from my loved ones, including lots of things from Ted Baker, so I've been quite spoilt.  All my gifts are either pink or wintry, so they have clearly been chosen with care, to suit my personality. Among my birthday gifts was this stunning wristlet clutch bag in the new Christmas 2018 design Mistletoe Kiss.  

A couple of years ago I treated myself to some of Ted's Sparkling Swan design items and I thought I would never like another seasonal design as much as that one, but then they brought out Mistletoe Kiss. I adore this festive print. It makes me feel chilly just looking at it!  It is so cold and wintry - it is like Narnia in a bag.  Can you just imagine the conversation those pretty birds are having, nestled into the snowy trees and mistletoe boughs of the White Witch's winter spell?   I plan to use this bag all year round, as I do with my Sparkling Swan, to give me a taste of winter at midsummer, because winter is my favourite season.  

I also got their Angel Falls bag and matching makeup bag, which is a beautiful, soft pink feathers design and very pretty.  So I will have lots of stunning Ted Baker designs to choose from when I get ready each morning!  Other beautiful treats I got were a set of rose gold, pink-bristled mermaid-tail makeup brushes and the Heart of Winter necklace from Pandora which I have been coveting for over a year. It is a heart shaped pendent with a sparkling snowflake in the middle.  I Tweeted pics of my birthday gifts last week, so head over there if you want to see them. I've been very spoilt, but it was my birthday so it's allowed!

I had a lovely birthday. I went to see the new Fantastic Beasts film, The Crimes of Grindelwald, which was very enjoyable and we had Butter Beer from the local Harry Potter shop; The Shop Under The Stairs.  I love browsing in there - it's so magical and just like stepping into the Hogwarts world.  I really want a Niffler but I'd like a white albino one, with a pink nose.  Then we went out for dinner to round off the day, so it was a lot of fun.

Of course, I can't have a birthday without making plans for the next year of my life.  I like to make a start on my new-year goals list around this time.  I had some birthday money to spend, so I have got a head start on one 2019 goal already, because I used the money to pay for a course of piano lessons!

I've wanted to take piano tuition for such a long time and I decided that I really couldn't put my birthday money to better use, so I have enrolled and I start in January 2019! I'm so excited about this. I have been trying to teach myself to play piano on and off for a few years.  I've taught myself lots of things in the past; how to type, how to juggle, how to crochet etc;  but piano is so hard to learn without a tutor to show you the way.  I need someone to demonstrate how its done so I've bitten the bullet and signed up for a course which teaches both musical theory and practical piano lessons.  I am looking forward to getting started.

I do think that learning something new is one of the best ways to spend birthday or Christmas money that you might be given. Several years ago I spent the Christmas money my brother gave to me on a taster course of ice-skating lessons.  This was one of the best things I've ever learnt and ten years on I'm still skating.  So if you have people who give money gifts to you at Christmas time, think about using it to try something you've always wanted to do, because if not now, then when? The right time is a myth - now is all that matters. 

So I am busy making plans for my next solar year - piano lessons are just the start and there are so many things I want to do and achieve over the course of the next year!  In the meantime I'm going to enjoy a DVD marathon with another of my birthday presents - series 3 of Outlander!  So I will be spending the afternoon with a box of birthday chocolates, in the company of the gorgeous Jamie Fraser...time well spent!

XXX

MUSICAL DOLL; Forever and Always

Flashbacks...

I was there when you said Forever and Always...

You didn't mean it baby.

ONCE UPON A DREAM; The Nutcracker Film

I've just got home from the cinema where I went to see The Nutcracker and the Four Realms.   This film is based on a Russian fairytale and the Nutcracker ballet, by Tchaikovsky.  I have often heard disgruntled parents complaining that they took their children to see this ballet at Christmas time and were disappointed because they couldn't follow what was happening and it made no sense.  Personally, I enjoyed watching the Nutcracker ballet, but I can see that for those who are unfamiliar with the story, it might be a little bit confusing.

I always think that it makes sense to do some research and learn about the ballet you are going to see, before you see it. After all, these are stories told purely through dance, so if you don't understand the language of ballet and you don't know the story either, it could be difficult to follow what's going on. 

That said, Disney have taken all the hard work out of the Nutcracker, by coming up with this magical film that not only tells the story of the Nutcracker, but which also gives a back-story to the characters of Clara and Marie.  These are the names given in different versions of the fairytale, so Disney have woven them together into one story-line, in their own inimitable style. 

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms was a joy to watch!  It was a sweet confection of a film, with layers of ruffles and puffs of lace on every costume, all in sugared almond colours.  Kiera Knightly plays the Sugarplum Fairy, with hair made from candy-floss and a voice that is sugar coated.  She welcomes Clara to her whimsical world and encourages her to seek out the magic key from her rival, Mother Ginger and so Clara goes into battle, with her faithful soldier, the Nutcracker by her side. 

I enjoyed the film very much, especially the actual ballet scenes, but I would have liked to see more of the Realm of Snowflakes and the Realm of Flowers, as those are my favourite aspects of the ballet.  However, the appearance of  principle male ballet dancer Sergei Polunin more than made up for this oversight, as I could watch him dance all day!

If you plan to see the Nutcracker ballet this winter, it might be fun to also see The Nutcracker and the Four Realms first of all, so that you can compare the two.  I love both versions of this classic fairytale and I am now hoping that Disney will turn their attention to Swan Lake.  Wouldn't that make an enchanting Disney film?  Meanwhile, here is classical violinist Lindsey Stirling's take on The Sugarplum Fairy theme...enjoy! ❄

xxx

POET'S CORNER; And Wilt Thou Leave Me Thus?

And Wilt Thou Leave Me Thus?

And wilt thou leave me thus?

Say nay, say nay, for shame,

To save thee from the blame

Of all my grief and grame;

And wilt thou leave me thus?

Say nay, say nay!

And wilt thou leave me thus,

That hath loved thee so long

In wealth and woe among?

And is thy heart so strong

As for to leave me thus?

Say nay, say nay!

And wilt thou leave me thus,

That hath given thee my heart

Never for to depart,

Nother for pain nor smart;

And wilt thou leave me thus?

Say nay, say nay!

And wilt thou leave me thus

And have no more pity

Of him that loveth thee?

Hélas, thy cruelty!

And wilt thou leave me thus?

Say nay, say nay!

By Sir Thomas Wyatt

Allegedly written about the pain of losing Anne Boleyn to King Henry VIII.  

   Heart-break is always a great writer. 

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Creative Dreaming

Autumn lends itself to creative dreaming. As the days turn wet and windy and the nights grow chilly, the darkness colludes with those of us who are of a creative turn of mind.  It's time to draw the curtains, light some scented candles, play soft music and work at your own special project.  That might be oil painting or sketching; tapestry or knitting; music or writing...or all of the above! 

Creativity induces a dreamy state of mind, as the brainwaves go into the alpha state associated with day-dreaming, which is why a creative project is so good for reducing your stress levels.  

As the rain battered the window panes today, I spent time working through my creative to-do list.  First I needed to work on my portfolio for the university application.  This is going quite well and I think I have included all the work that they need to see.  So all I need to do now is write the personal statement essay and fill out the form. It's quite a relief to have the bulk of this portfolio completed, as it means that I should definitely get my application in later this month.  I'm excited about that. 

Then I spent time creating a new portfolio for my psychotherapy columns.  I made one of these back in February, for all my columns with Spirit&Destiny magazine. It took me hours to put eight years of my work onto construction card and into the poly-pockets of a ring binder! 

So I've decided to make things easier on myself this time round and I'm going cut out each of my psychotherapy columns as they are published, creating this new portfolio of my work as I go, rather than leaving it for years on end. Although it is still a newly launched column it's looking good so far.  It is such a welcome departure from my Wiccan work. The new psychotherapy column has a completely different vibe, but it's still my voice. I love the way it's coming together. It's great to see all my columns thus far, presented in a professional portfolio that showcases my work in this genre.  It's certainly a sign that I've moved on in my writing. 

Once that was done, I decided to write some poetry.  I have missed the poetry aspect of Mind, Body, Spirit writing and I realised that I haven't written any in a few months.  Poetry has been the staple of my writing career so far and it will always be a medium of writing that I enjoy creating.  I studied poetry some years back - which you can read about here -  and it is one of my favourite ways to express myself.  I also realised how many finished poems I have saved on my computer that need to be printed out and added to my poetry portfolio, but that's a job for another day!  

Today I just enjoyed playing with words; pondering on the page until I had come up with something that resonated with me.  I've written hundreds of poems over the years.  Some are of the moment and are meant to be destroyed as soon as I finish writing them. I call them my medicinal poems, because they are written to serve a purpose - to express something difficult or painful, which I don't need to be holding on to.  So I write it out, let it go and move on.  Other poems I write because I want to hold onto the feeling or memory they express.  These get put into my poetry portfolio, which is divided into categories such as poems from my books, unpublished poems, blog poems, song lyrics and so on.  

Poetry and song-writing is probably the truest form of creative dreaming, because they allow the mind to meander along and the structure comes about naturally, with the flow of words.  I never know what kind of poem or song I will write until I actually begin and the process takes over.  It is a work of alchemy and one that I deeply enjoy creating.

So it has been a very productive day of creativity and I've got a few jobs ticked off my to-do list.  Now I plan to reward myself with an hour or so of art therapy, using this stunning therapy book, which is very in keeping with the season.   Whatever type of creative endeavour you enjoy, remember to make time for it in your life, because no-one else will ever give you permission to spend a day colouring in! That is something you must do for yourself. Enjoy!

xxx

ONCE UPON A DREAM; Landing On My Feet

www,annestokes.com

I'm so happy that it's November - my birthday month!  At this time of year I always take stock of my life and see how the last twelve months have treated me and what I still need to achieve.  I'm quite pleased with how this past year has gone. I have achieved all the goals I set for myself  and its hard to believe that this time last year I was still working on placement and trying to accumulate my clinical practice hours.

A year on and I have not only finished all the clinical hours and the final placement report, but I have finally qualified as a counsellor too.  That was the biggest goal I set last year - I just wanted to get it all done and qualify, so that I could move on with my life.  I have been able to do just that, taking on a few hours a week, in practice at a very busy surgery.  Sometimes life has a way of giving you exactly what you need, but in a totally unexpected way.  I am content in the work that I am doing and it is great to be a part of a new team of lovely professional people. 

In addition, I have achieved the goal I set of finding a new regular publisher for my psychotherapy writing, thus completing my move into mainstream topics and leaving the Wiccan work behind me.  I haven't written about Wicca in over two years and it is nice to be stepping out and writing something different, while still being published and a monthly columnist.  That was the second major goal I set for myself last year and another one that I have been able to tick off my list during the last twelve months.

Then of course there were the unexpected, but happy, events that brightened my year - an auld acquaintance taking the time to congratulate me on qualifying; the Ant Middleton seminar which was amazing, and the open day at university was great too. Both of which acted as a huge pep-talk to keep me moving forward and pressing ahead with my goal to apply to uni and the next level of study.  I am about halfway through creating my application portfolio and I hope to complete the application process before Christmas.

So all in all, despite the hiccups of the last couple of years or so, and someone's very spiteful (but failed) attempt to sabotage my work and professional reputation,  I feel like I have landed on my feet once more.  I have moved on in my life and made a fresh start, striking out on my own and moving steadily towards the goals I set for myself, with no-one else in mind.  You have to know when to leave the past behind you and let it go. Only then will you be free to proceed onto the next stage of your life. 

Yes, there have been disappointments.  People have made false promises and then ultimately let me down. It is always upsetting when someone thinks that they can play with your time and keep you hanging on indefinitely, for nothing.  But I just threw myself into my work and as a result,  a whole new professional path is now laid out before me and with it, a whole new team and circle of acquaintances that I am enjoying getting to know better. 

At the end of the day, your team are the people who are around you day to day, in the here and now, not those fly by nights who promise you the world but are too busy and wrapped up in themselves to actually deliver!  Your team are the ones you can call and text when you've had a bad day; the ones who are in your life to wish you a happy birthday; the ones you can attend Christmas parties with;  and the one who will always find some way to reach out and congratulate you on your victory, no matter where they are or what they are doing.  That's your team.  Anything else is just a dream and a time-waster. 

Landing on your feet is largely a matter of attitude.  No matter how bad things get, I have always held a deep seated belief that everything will work out well for me and that I will always be okay.  I know that my enemies will never defeat me, though I do sometimes find their attempts to do so quite a source of entertainment!  

I feel blessed and lucky. I believe that I am guided and protected by a higher force and while I don't always understand where it is leading me, I try to trust enough to say 'Yes!' to the opportunities that are presented to me out of the blue - even if they don't look quite how I imagined they would.  They have been sent to me for a reason and I am happy to follow my arrow wherever it points.  You never know where such opportunities will lead, or who you will meet because of them.  So whether its a new colleague or a blast from the past, I try to keep an open mind and accept that they have come into my life for a reason. 

My life looks very different to how it looked a few years ago but I am content and happy in how it is unfolding.  I trust that all good things are coming to me and that I will draw to me the kind of people who are right for me at this stage in my life and career.  My work is good for me; it gets me out and about and I am even looking forward to this year's Christmas party season!  

So although things didn't work out quite as I had planned; although the people in my life are not the ones I thought would be there for me; and although the work I am doing isn't in the environment I imagined it would be; overall, I have come to a good place in my life and landed safely on my feet like a lucky black cat, in the spirit of victory, with my goals met and several more achievements under my belt. 

So all in all, it's not been a bad year!  I am looking forward to my birthday later this month and to all the lovely events that I know the next twelve months will bring my way.  This is what it means to feel blessed and guided...and yes, lucky.

BOOK NOOK; The Luxe by Anne Godbersen

The Luxe is a rich novel about rich people living in 19th Century New York.  It is written in the style of Edith Wharton, having the tone of a classic novel and I was reminded very much of  Wharton's The Age of Innocence.  The Luxe tells the story of the Holland sisters, who are from one of the elite families of New York society and as such they are expected to marry well.

Elizabeth, as the oldest, must carry the responsibility of her family's precarious fortunes on her shoulders, with an advantageous but ultimately loveless marriage arrangement.  But Elizabeth is in love with someone else - someone altogether unsuitable.  

At the same time her little sister, Diana, is harbouring a secret love of her own - a love that would mean her sister disowning her if it was ever discovered.  This love leads Diana to indulge her rebellious spirit in acts of unladylike behaviour.

Then there is Lina, ladies maid to the Holland sisters and filled with envy of their lifestyle and all the beautiful things that they own. Lina wants everything the Hollands have and when she is dismissed from their service, she vows she will have her vengeance on them.

The Luxe is the first book in an enchanting series which is full of ballgowns and banquets, secret trysts and arranged marriages,  elopements and mysterious sudden deaths...and of course, the envy and betrayal that beauty, wealth and good fortune frequently attract. How will the Holland sisters survive such a society where their every move is scrutinised and reported in the society gossip column?  Perhaps they won't.  But when tragedy appears in this circle of friends, it is always well dressed and nothing is ever as it seems. 

I really enjoyed The Luxe and I am now reading the second novel in the series Rumors, which is even better.  I am looking forward to spending some dark, cosy nights curled up with the rest of this series and being spirited away to the elegance of New York high society and all the glamour that goes with it.

If you enjoy reading the works of Edith Wharton, or you are a fan of Downton Abbey, then you will probably enjoy reading the Luxe series of books too as they are modern books with all the charm of classic novels, evoking a past era of elegant sophistication. So curl up and get classy with these class-driven plot-lines.